I have to say this is the toughest day I've had in quite a while w/ my girl. I have no idea what happened or why it turned out so crummy. Maybe just a change in routine....we had a new 'old' babysitter come that used to babysit my girl before we moved. It was when she was 17 months old when we saw her last. She is soooo good w/ kids and I have no worries about leaving her with them.
Anyway, babysitter came at 8am, babygirl was just fine. Talking, showing her the blocks, etc.. She was doing so well that I said I was going to nap--and no fussing or crying. Amazing. I took a nap, ran some errands then came back around 1pm.
Cue downhill......it quickly turned from here. My son was napping so I said why don't we get out the big paper and jumbo crayons and draw some pictures on the floor. I got an enthusiastic YES! Once we were down coloring she starts smashing the crayons on the paper. I tried to ignore, then redirect her to the alphabet we were doing....she then starts trying to chew the paper. Chew the paper! Of course I said no, we aren't going to chew the paper. I told her twice...then on the third time I said nope, we are done. She starts wailing, but I held firm.
But, after that....just forget it. It went downhill from then on until the rest of the day, pretty much. I just didn't know how to handle her behavior....it was all the attention-seeking stuff like kicking me, trying to hit me, spitting, throwing things, yelling NO to everything I asked....here's what I tried to do:
--stay calm. I asked her what was the matter, what was wrong?
--I start asking direct questions: Are you hungry? No. Are you thirsty? No. Do you feel ok?. Then, can I get you a snack? Do you want X, Y, Z? No, No, No.
--Then I tried redirection....okay, baby do you want to do playdo?No......do you want to do aqua..do.odle?No.
---Interrupt for a kicking fit. I move her legs out of the way and she kicks harder. I said we do not kick mommy. She then raises her hand like she is going to hit me.....this is where my frustration starts kicking in. This is sooo not okay. When I said we do not hit mommy, she stares me straight in the face and hits herself on the arm.
--After awhile more of this, I tried just removing myself from the room. I just thought okay, I am starting to get worked up here, so go in my room for a few minutes. She spent the entire time wailing, yelling mommay...all while her brother still trying to take a nap.
--I tried removing HER....at one point I took her into my room and let her be in there by herself. Didn't help to calm her down.
--More negative behavior, repeat several steps above. Absolutely nothing I was doing was working.
--I then start to yell. Get really short w/ her.
--I threaten.
--Not proud of my behavior what-so-ever. I totally lost my cool. I usually go red when she does something to hurt me, intentionally.
--Eventually I cried. This might be one of the first times I've cried out of frustration with her (at least that I can immediately remember). Here we were playing 'tent' underneath my bed covers, she's snuggled close to me, and the tears just rolled.
--I apologized to her and said I was sorry I got frustrated. Mama just didn't know what to do for her. Mama got upset because she was doing things like hitting and kicking and throwing things. She said it was ok, it was an accident. HA....that's what I tell her when she does something by accident and says she's sorry...like spilling milk. I say, it's okay, you don't have to say you're sorry...it was an accident.
--When her brother woke up I said okay, let's try distract again and I blew up an airmattress that she likes to use as a slide. That worked okay until I wanted to go to the other room. That just wound her up again cue the meltdown, I want you in here, "Now".....
--I said forget it, let's get out of the house, maybe that will help....let's go to the pool. Get slathered w/ sunscreen, haul us all over there and I made the mistake of allowing her to bring her tiny scooter that she's really too big to ride, but she likes it. Anyway she wanted to bring IT in the pool. I figured who cares, go ahead.....but she realized it didn't float and it was hard to push in in the water....wailed about that. She calmed down here and there, but spent a lot of time saying, "no, let me go"...."no..."
When it was time to get out I had already gotten baby boy ready, picked up our stuff.....she was still in the water and I said okay, time to go....she says "No, NEVER!". I said we don't say things like that, it was time to go. "No, NEVER!" again. And loudly. Talk about feeling like a parenting failure. My almost 3 year old backtalking me like it was totally ok. I ended up just starting to walk and she quickly scampered behind, getting back on her scooter.
Then it gets to be near dinner time, says she wants mac/cheese....then no, just noodles., etc.. Ended up making eggs and she did pretty well eating them.
Here's where I feel worse......
--After dinner we were in my son's room, she was jumping on the bed, she wanted to play catch, etc.. so fine. She was starting to get sassy w/ me again and it just slipped out but I said, "boy I can't wait until you go to bed, you have been nasty to me all day". She stops jumping for a sec, looks at me and says,
"Mommy, you be patient to me?"
POW. I literally just stopped and just sat there. The answer of course was no, I hadn't been at all.
I responded and said "yes baby, you are right. I need to be more patient with you".
By this time I frankly was exhausted. I was tired, frustrated, and upset at myself for losing my cool throughout the day. I honestly yelled more and lost my temper more today, I think, then in all my parenting days.
Bathtime was a cry-fest with both of them. My son doesn't like to be taken out of the tub and screams mostly until I get his jammies on. My girl didn't want her hair washed, her bubbles to go down the drain..."My bubbles! No, my bubbles!". Cried because of putting her jammies on. " Not my jammes!"...NO!, I don wan my hair combed...Nooooo......crawls under the bed while trying to get her diaper on.
I finally get my son his bottle, he's in bed. My girl finished her milk and she's in bed.
And now I am typing out this summary of our pretty rough day.
I just don't know what happened. Maybe the change in routine? Maybe she was just tired and I was tired too? Maybe she's starting to get sick? I knew she wanted my 1:1 attention and I was trying dang hard to give it to her. It seemed she was aiming for it whether positive or negative.
Right before typing this note I researched online 'backtalking' because that's what I have the most trouble with. When she fires a NO quickly after being asked anything....or her HEY!.....that pushes my buttons. Her trying to hit, kick, etc...of course that does too. I don't know. I know there are no easy answers in parenting, every kid is different...yadda yadda....I really don't want to be one of 'those' parents that don't discipline....or discipline too much. I know she is a very intuitive child and she clearly knows how far she can push mama. I read an article earlier about what to do when your pre-schooler 'backtalks'. I felt good in that some of the things I do already....and some I thought was ridiculous advice...but then I read all the comments and felt comforted in a way, because I'm not the only one. There are many many other kids out there where parents struggle w/ how to manage.
All I can do is chalk it up to a frustrating day and hope tomorrow is better.
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