New School

New School = tears.....for baby and mama. It has been super hectic since moving out of our house Monday, driving over to new city Monday night, Tuesday doing prep stuff, Wednesday first day of school 1/2 day, Thursday movers bring stuff to apartment and 1/2 day school + nap, and Friday (today) closer to full day of school.

What I haven't mentioned is the transition....for both of us.....has been t-o-u-g-h. Oh Man. I wasn't prepared for how hard this was going to be.  We've had lots of tears. And vomit.

Wednesday I was a nervous wreck taking her to school.....I was so nervous for her i.e. that she would be inconsolable and we'd have to go home.  To my surprise when we got there she went into the playland right away and I thought wow.....this may be easier than I thought.  I went in to talk to the teacher and she walked me through what parent normally do at drop off, etc. and the more she was talking the more I started to get anxious and sad. She looked at me and said 'you look like you are about to cry' and I totally did! I started crying right then and there. I was just soooo worried about her. Leaving her, her crying and me not being there to comfort her.  I was so surprised at my reaction. I hadn't even thought that this would be hard for ME too! But, waterworks.  She took my hands, prayed for me, and it was very nice.  We got there around 8:30, I left at 9:00-ish....then called around 10:30 to check in.  They said she had been crying on and off once they left playland, but at that moment she was better. Okay, we can do this......she actually ate lunch well and I picked her up right before naptime.
She seemed to be just fine...no worries.......I was pleased w/ how it went for the most part.

Yesterday we went for 1/2 day + nap time after lunch--and I prepared to pick her up at 2pm when she woke up from nap.  I wasn't sure what to expect, and they weren't sure she would nap.....but we tried it and I called during naptime and she was asleep--without using a bottle even! So I show up and see the teacher doing her notes outside the room and I went to talk w/ her before picking baby up.  She said baby had napped but that she did cry on/off more than yesterday. I had filled out a questionnaire they gave me the night before and the teacher followed up on a couple things I had asked about/and said. 1) hand washing--when do they do.....2) books--there are no books left out and baby loves books 3) I had put in her questionnaire that our house is pretty quiet and I suspect the music/noise/activity would be a lot for her and to help her if she gets overwhelmed.
They said they agree that it probably is a lot of the noise because they saw she had covered her ears at one point....also, when kids are coming in/out she got overwhelmed and just sat down. (cue breaking heart). Once they saw my note about the noise they agreed and understood it will be a transition for her.  When I went to the room she had just woken up from a nap and was crying (cue breaking heart again).  Once she saw me she reached out and wanted to be held so bad. Then she quieted down.
One thing I noticed is how loud they play the music during naptime. It is not soft background noise....it really is loud. I kept thinking to myself OMG do they play this through their whole nap? And they do.  I personally couldn't sleep at all if there was that much loud music playing. It's the first thing I've noticed that I really don't like.  However, it's not something they will change for one child, I suspect.....so she will have to get used to it--or not.
Once we were driving home to my friend's house (where we are staying until apartment unpacked more), she seemed to be okay and when we got home she was acting normally. So, I thought okay, it was rough, but we survived.

Day 3---not so much.  Oh man today was terrible.  Started this morning....I went in to see her and something smelled funny. I thought it was her bottle until I noticed she had stains all over her jammies and chunks in her bed. Yup, she had vomited during the night and I didn't even know it. Real vomit too, not just spit up. I felt terrible that she had to throw up by herself and then put herself back to sleep. Just terrible.....So I got her up and felt her head....she seemed a little warm, but not too much. I got her dressed to see how she would act and she seemed okay--she took a bottle and drank which was good. I took her temperature and it was slightly up, but not hardly at all. I talked to my friend and we both agreed we should try school and if she starts getting sick they will call.
When I took her over this morning I told them she had been sick and to keep close watch on her. The group was in tubes and tunnels so I dropped her off in there--no tears--and went to classroom to drop off her things.  Unfortunately when I walked past tunnels on my way out she saw me and started wailing....I mean reaching for me, red-faced, crying her eyes out. I just couldn't leave her like that. I went in the room grabbed her up and started crying myself.  I sat down w/ her, hugged her...tears streaming down my face. I just couldn't stop them. It was as if someone had turned on the faucet.  After several minutes and her calming right down I said enough, she will get upset if I am upset, and she needs to stay. So I tried to see if she would go to one of the girls--she did, but when I got up to leave she started crying terribly again. I just left this time and was sooo hopeful she would calm down after I was gone.
She didn't.
I left at 9:00 and I called at 10:00. She was still wailing in the background and I could totally hear her through the phone. It broke my heart....seriously I felt my heart bursting and I wanted to rush over there and grab her up and never leave her again. I couldn't believe how hard it was hearing her cry like that and there was nothing I could do not being there.  I get that there are lessons we have to learn as parents and things will be hard....but she's a baby and she obviously was upset.
The teacher said that they were going on the buggy ride and she likes that....so call after that around 10:30. If she hadn't calmed down then I should go pick her up i.e. she was inconsolable. Called back and she had calmed down so we agreed that she should try nap time.
Here's where I was worried about being 'that parent'. I wanted to call back and see if she had gone down for a nap. But, I hesitated because I had already called to check on her. But, then I told myself you know what? I don't care. I don't care what they think.....if my heart says check on my baby...that's exactly what I will do.
When I talked to the teacher again she said she was just about to go to sleep but she had not eaten any of her lunch. She threw it on the floor.  What that said to me was she was still upset and was still not feeling well at all. She loves lunch normally.

So, we had bad weather here and I got a call school was closing early so I was there to pick her up at 3pm.  They had just gotten back from another buggy ride and she was wailing again. (Cue heartbreak since I saw her wailing). She saw me and reached for me like noone's business.  Once I held her she calmed down but I could just tell she wasn't feeling well at all.

On the ride home we talked and her behavior seemed okay, if not a little lack-luster.  Since only had a bottle for lunch so I gave her another one....then later tried to feed her dinner. She ate some--mac/cheese.  We did our nighttime routine dinner/bath/bottle......she drank almost the whole thing and we were just resting when all of a sudden she started crying terribly. I asked her what was wrong and SPEW! Vomit all over her/and the floor. I held her forward and she vomited again.....her lunch and some other stuff not recognizable---very large amounts.
OMG this poor baby.
We quickly went to bath and my friend cleaned up her vomit. I felt terrible for baby, me, my friend all at the same time. I finally ended up giving her a bottle w/ a little bit of water and putting her down. She actually went right to sleep she was so worn out.

To say this was a tough day is an understatement.  My heart broke multiple times, I cried multiple times, baby cried multiple times and was sick and experienced some serious stomach flu. The first of many sicknesses she will get now that she is exposed to all those freakin germs at school. I've spent time second guessing my decision to put her in school i.e. should I have searched harder for a nanny. I've spent time wondering if she will now have abandonment issues, worried she gets way too overstimulated at school it makes her cry. The transition would have been so much less (I suspect) and she could have saved all this sickness until she's a bit older if perhaps I went nanny route instead.

I'm a wreck. It is past midnight and I should be in bed. We have a long day of unpacking tomorrow, pending how she feels and is acting.  All I can do is worry she will get sick again in the night. Any noise I've gone in there to make sure she is okay. It's really the first time we've dealt w/ this kind of sickness and it is just plain hard.

Let's not forget I start my new job on Monday.