Countdown to XMAS

So I did get the lights on the bushes this year. With the help of nanny we put the colored net lights on both sides of the house and it looks great!! Mostly because she is very particular about things being straight and we used tent stakes to keep in place—took some work but they are so cool.

I got into the shopping madness a bit because my girl has asked for a keyboard piano. I’m so surprised at how many stores don’t have them or only carry one option. I went to 5 stores and back to one twice because the first time they wouldn’t price match me yesterday, but found a store they would match today.  I can’t wait I ordered a piano book for little ones that has picture stickers to put on keys (like a dog, Star) and corresponding simple songs. Genius. I really want her to learn to play something versus just bang on it. I actually can play and read music—took years of lessons as a kid but it’s been a long time. I may even have some old sheet music for beginners.
My sons blue scooter arrived and it looks so cool and really good quality. I wanted one he could grow with for a few years.
Our holiday cards arrived and I think they turned out amazing. I really do. I used the recent photos from our family session and put it together at m.pi.x. They have not let me down with their photo products. Very reasonably priced too. I also got a print of my sister and the two kids since she says she doesn’t have a good one. I framed it so she will now. I also got some other items too like Xmas photo ornaments (every year) and magnets. Love them.

Something I’ve been challenged about is Santa. I don’t really play up Santa in our house I mostly focus on holiday music, decorating tree( which we finally got this past Friday for 50%off—my girl and I picked it up after her drs appt in about 15 minutes) and now that she’s getter older (and smarter) she’s asking good questions like—as we were reading a Christmas book tonight she says “how can Santa fit ALL those toys in his sleigh”. And the other day she says, “can reindeers really fly”?
I don’t say much and just want her to take the lead. My son could care less it seems. I just remember being a kid and having the magical excitement thinking about Santa, running downstairs in the morning—it was just a feeling of anticipation and wonder on Xmas eve.
We’ll keep that as long as we can.

On a personal note I’ve learned about how caffeine really negatively affects me because I stopped drinking diet sodas about 2 weeks ago. I’m still wondering if I have some kind of autoimmune issue because I still get random ‘flares’ of things. The ringing in my ears, the eyes blinking issue, tingling in my face, the bad reaction to anesthesia....and most recently my joints in my pointer fingers are very swollen and hurt.
It’s all wierd and could all be nothing, stress-related, or all tied to something. I think I’m just hyper-sensitive to any changes or ‘new’ things since nothing specific has surfaced.
Anyway I was doing research on autoimmune issues and read a lot about  the chemicals/artificial sweeteners used are like poison to your body. For some reason that word stuck with me and I thought why don’t I eliminate it and see how I feel.
I’ve learned a lot. Drinking diet soda makes me:
—Not get the feeling of being full. When I drink the same amount of water I actually feel full with my meals.
—Sleep terribly. It’s a viscious cycle of being tired, drink more, stay up so late because even just small amount in afternoon will disrupt my sleep.
—Drink more diet soda. It’s a bit like pring.les you can’t just have one
—Feel good when I think about drinking one and I look forward to it
—feel so bloated and retain water

Since stopping I have noticed I just seem to feel better over all. My energy seems to be coming back and I’m even thinking about organizing the boxes in my room that have sat there for the last 2 Years, wanting to make the baby books, etc. actually just noticing I’m even thinking about it is good. Part of that could be I’m getting better sleep so it stems from there. Now, I said better...not great sleep. I still wake up throughout the night every 2-3 hours regardless but I’m at least dreaming again and can easily fall back asleep. I did get tested for apnea last year and they said I had a mild case. However the machine experiment they do overnight was probably the worst experience with feeling terrible, massive headache, etc so I’m not really interested in doing that. At least any time soon.

It’s kind of nice though to not feel so exhausted for a change. I’m not sure I realized how much or how often I really felt so tired and just not rested or refreshed.
Not saying all is ‘cured’ and I’m all better but at least it’s a positive change that I want to stick with. When I frame it up in my head and remind myself it’s poison, I really do have an easier time just saying no.

I’m pretty much done shopping which is great because I’m usually scrambling up until Xmas. I think I may even start to wrap so I can actually enjoy our Christmas Eve and not stress about all I still need to do.
We’ve been listening to holiday music during our meals and I think the kids are really enjoying it. We’ve also done a few walks and drives through the neighborhood just to see the lights.

It’s just been kinda fun this year which is pretty cool.

Holidays

It's probably a good thing I didn't post yesterday evening as I had planned......it was a craptastic day yesterday. The morning until bedtime was very trying....my son was up at 5:50 am, my girl had a real tantrum in the morning, I had to ask a dozen times to get shoes, dressed, brush hair....she threw a fit because she didn't want a braid....my son didn't nap so that for sure meant a rough afternoon.....they weren't listening one bit all day.  We tried to get a tree but wouldn't you know the one we chose (after it was taken all way up front) had a split stem....by that time I said forget it. We stayed in the rest of the day.


Part of the issue is:--if I back up a few days before our trip to the Midwest for Thanksgiving, I posted that I hope the kids started feeling better......well they didn't. And haven't.  It's been non-stop sickness for about a month. Started with my girl before Thanksgiving, then my son picked it up--just cough/cold, etc.. However when we were on our trip I ended up taking my son to urgent care because he just wasn't breathing well, sounded very seal-barky-coughy-croupy-mess. He ended up having a virus.....and after we flew back from Thanksgiving that Sunday night my girl comes to my room around midnight saying her tummy hurt. Well.....she picked up a bug and was throwing up and pretty sick for two days.  She's been complaining about feeing tired for about a month, not acting herself, low energy, not eating much, tummy hurting off/on...so I took her to pediatrician on Friday and we are going to try a probiotic to see if that helps before running lab work. It could be she's just run down from being sick so much and am hoping that's all it is. And sure enough my son just last night started his cough back up pretty bad again. Big sigh......

He was such a trooper. As sick as he was, he really did amazing for how much we had going on.

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This was Monday night after the Thanksgiving Holiday. One on each end of the sofa. There's something about the worry of two kids at the same time that makes these times exponentially harder.


Halloween--

Our holidays have been a bit tough this year so far.....for Halloween it ended up storming SO bad that the streets were starting to back up w/ water. The community doesn't reschedule so it was basically go out if you want to. Ummm....no. So, we at least put our costumes on and went to the neighbor's house under the umbrella. We collected as much candy as we could around the house and I let them eat as much as they wanted. Not sure that's ever happened in our house....might have been a bit too much because later that night in bed my girl asked, 'why did you let us eat so much'!

 

My son was a P.J gecko and my girl put on her new wings (this has been about her 3rd set). The pic on the left shows her purple bear dressed up as a bumble bee. I'm SO proud we made that from scratch together. She wanted her bear to have a costume so we used construction paper to make a vest and black socks for the arms...pipecleaners for the antennas and wa-lah!

Thanksgiving--

 On the left is from the plane ride out and on the right is on Thanksgiving Day at a store.

I will say this--traveling w/ a 3 and 5 year old is a "bit" easier than a 4 and 2 year old....however, it still is a ton of work. Especially if  you have to rent a car on the other end and lug 2 car seats. With my son being pretty sick, it was tough. No naps the whole time and he didn't sleep well at night most of the time either. My girl also had a few rough mornings because she was lacking sleep too.....both of them had several calm downs and it took us so long to get ready because no one was cooperating. 

The thing that was a bit disappointing this year was that it seemed we didn't spend that much time w/ my cousin w/ the kids. At times it just felt like we were there, but still by ourselves. We stayed w/ my aunt and uncle, so on Thursday day my cousin spent the day cleaning her house so I took the kids to a store, then we had Thanksgiving at her house from 3-8....then Friday my cousin went shopping during the day and I stayed home w/ the kids and took my son to urgent care....then Friday night we went to my other cousins with everyone from 4-7-ish (which my son came up to me and said GO a few times because he had just had it by then), then on Saturday my cousin scheduled a race for a few of her kids so we didn't see them at all, even though we didn't leave until almost 1pm.  The race part is what was a bit frustrating to me--we see them once a year, and it is no small feat to get us all there. Was it really that important? I don't know, maybe it's me....maybe my expectations are too high? Maybe I would just do things differently if I had family come in town that I only see once a year?

What I know for a fact is that they really have no idea what it takes to do these types of things by yourself--they all are married and my aunt/uncle live w/ a short distance to all of their kids. They are constantly running kids around, taking kids to Drs appointments, etc..My aunt actually takes care of my cousins kids in their house and has for the last 14 years....they've had 5 kids. Just a ton of local support and family.

I hesitated even writing the part above because it makes is seem like it was a bad trip....and it wasn't! I think it was just hard w/ the sickness, traveling alone w/ 2 small kids,  and ironically even though we were around family, I still felt disconnected a bit because we didn't see them as much as I thought we would. The flight back and getting home was the toughest because everyone was just exhausted--lots of tears.

What was great??:  It was exciting to be on the plane w/ the kids and see through their eyes. My son's excited giggle when we were taking off.... my girl's exclamations of 'WOW'! All of that was so worth it. And on another positive note, it was GREAT for the kids to play with their cousins....they both had a good time this year, last year one of the cousins wasn't so nice to my son....but this year they all seemed to play well together. Make no mistake I was on high alert for awhile, though. 

Another really cool part of the trip was my mom's very dearest friend from her nursing school days was able to drive over to my uncles house with her son and visit me and meet my kids. We got to talk about my mom, some fun times they had over the years....some tears were shed for sure, but just hugging her was sort of connecting w/ my mom and it felt really good.

I forgot to mention it wouldn't be a Thanksgiving w/out calling poison control--my son decided to turn a bucket into a stool and get his hands on the motrin and drink it! I must not have had the cap all the way on, or something......the good thing is that he only drank less than a 1/4 of the bottle. When I talked to them they said that due to his weight, he would have had to have drank almost the whole thing.  Whew......

I am thinking through whether I talk to my cousin but she's hard to crack.....what I mean is, she's one that always says everything is 'fine'. Even if her son's had a concussion from football (which he had and I only found that out from my aunt and uncle), even if she'd had horrendous headaches (which I found out from my aunt and uncle). It's just odd because I talk to her at least once a month and she doesn't mention any of these things....so it kind of feels like she doesn't let me 'In'....even after all these years. Oh well, I really do have other things I need to focus on.

Some fun things we did lately. AND WE HAD SNOW!!! First time my girl probably remembers and first time EVER for my son. It was so amazing....that pic was taken at 7 something in the am.

Christmas---

I tried 2 weekends in a row now to get a tree. Last weekend my girl said she was too tired and just didn't want to go. I was SO not going to force the issue because it would have not been fun.  However, since we are getting much closer to xmas I really wanted to get one this weekend. I should have just let it be yesterday too as the way the day started I knew it was going to be rough.

I may end up just getting an artificial one, but I can't seem to find one I love.

At LEAST I got all of the yard decorated today w/ our lights, snowman, santa on the doorstep, xmas flag, etc.. The kids did pretty well keeping themselves occupied so I could finish it. And I do love it. I want to add more lights!! I want some maybe on the bushes and around the doorway. I think I've almost decided it will be next year to get lights on the house.....but hey, if we add one thing every year I think will be great.

Leave it to a five year old: We were looking at old Santa pictures from when she was a baby and she wanted to look. Then she quickly exclaims, "Mom, you're really young!".

My son continues to sniff me and says, "Toothpaste". apparently I smell like toothpaste!

I am working on getting xmas gifts and feel pretty good about what I will get the kids--that't not to say I have it all yet. I found her some face paint and am so excited about it. She made a sign the other day that we have face painting at our house and put it on the front door. She very into making signs....here's another one.

This was put on the bathroom door. It means to say, "No. That means You". With a picture of her brother in the middle.


My son says he wants a blue scooter. I think I can handle that one. He's not been into presents, so maybe that will be different this year. I am SO excited about something I found today--you can put balls/sticks together and make forts/a spaceship, etc.. I think he will Love it because he is constantly asking for 'car wash' and crawling through anything he can find.

We will get there.....It's been a tough month, I would say, with all that was going on and the kids just not feeling great. I worry so much when they get sick and hardly sleep myself....although I don't sleep that well anyway. Even with all that I am still excited for the holidays and have somewhat re-found the joy in finding the perfect gift. So much so that I want to actually shop in stores instead of pushing buttons and getting things online. I wanted to get my sister a set of sheets just like mine and was so excited to not only find them, but they were on sale, AND I had a coupon!  Now, if I don't find what I'm looking for that's fine, but it's just kind of fun to actually shop in stores this year.

My sister decided to book a flight and come visit right before xmas and will leave the Wednesday after. I will hope for the best there.  A bit of a bummer our old nanny isn't going to come until after xmas this year and its been an adjustment. She's been part of our 'getting ready for xmas' for the last 3 years. It's been one of the few times when she said she just couldn't come. I understand, but of course am disappointed. 

Well.....onto thinking about what new xmas 'thing' we want in the yard and finally getting a tree!

Happy Holidays!

So Exciting Part 2

These last few weeks have been full of wonderful firsts in our house......
--my son learned how to ride his bike
--my girl got sparkly laced shoes (well they still have a zipper and strap so laces are just for looks) and she learned how to tie them on the first few tries!!
--and the heart melter. My son has started crawling out of his crib almost every morning now. I'm not used to it so when this little voice is right next to my ear...'Maaaama'. Sometime startles me. Well, he came into my room the other morning at about 6:15am...he got in my bed and crawled right up to me, laid his head on me and said, "I wuff ooo".....oh em gee. I didn't even care it was the crack of dawn. First time he's said the words I Love You.....it makes me saw awwwww every time.


We are gearing up to fly to the Midwest for thanksgiving. There was a small bit of me tonight that felt overwhelmed at all that it will take to get a 5 and 3 year old (and myself) packed, to the airport, travel, pick up rental car, drive, run around after the kids, and travel back home. Then I took a deep breath and started looking for clothes in the kids' dressers that they can wear while there.  I tried so hard over the last month to get some really cute Fall/Winter clothes at many different stores for my girl BUT....I think she is sensory sensitive. She doesn't like anything except leggings and longer shirts. We've tried jeans, dresses, jeggings, tights, yoga pants, organic cotton.....seems that everything we tried was either too big, too small, had too many seams, seams in the wrong place, had scalloped stitching on cuffs, she just didn't like it, etc.. I've learned, though, that if she tries it on and says no, to just not keep it and take it back. Otherwise, it will sit in her drawer collecting dust.  And my son doesn't really care except he doesn't like collars. I am finding that branching out into different brands, sizes are not created equal, so a few things I bought for him don't fight right either.
I've been shopping more than I care to admit to try and find some great outfits and while I picked up a few sweaters for both and long sleeve shirts for my son, I just didn't find that AHA! outfit.
It will be fine, I know, but I really did try and am proud of myself for starting so early.


My sister told me today she is for sure not going to meet us for the holiday. She has a lot of health issues and one of them is her blood pressure. It goes up high, and quite low....and that's mixed in w/ migraines and few other issues. So, she just doesn't feel well enough to drive the 4 1/2 hours. My brother, well, never heard back from him. I told him on the phone many months ago, I reminded him on the card I sent for my son, and haven't heard a thing. Would be nice for him to at least say yes/ or no....but assume it's no if he hasn't gotten back to me. He's a grown boy so I don't think I need to chase him and see if he can come.


Just crossed a few anniversaries that have been sad for me. It would have been my mom's 77th birthday this month, and in September it's been 9 years that she's passed.  There is still so much sadness in my soul about losing her that I still haven't been able to put a picture of her up in my house.  That empty feeling of loss....a yearning of sorts, is still there. Certainly not as pronounced like it was at the beginning, but if you have endured significant loss, you may know what I am talking about. I think about her everyday and I imagine I always will.  It doesn't take long before the tears come (like right now) when I think about her a lot. I really really would have liked to know her as a parent to another parent.  Even though she was married, we had similar lives in that she ran the show w/ us kids....much like a single parent because my dad was in the military when were very young, then he worked 3rd shift and slept most of the day, so my mom took care of pretty much everything, cooking, cleaning, transporting, school activities, bills, etc..she just didn't have a paying full time job until we were much older. We lived in a very small community but we had no family around.  She actually had a whole life before getting married and having kids....she was a nurse, travelled the globe w/ one of her besties Auntie Paula, and then she settled into family. A lot like someone else I know ;)
I do keep her memory alive by talking about her with my kids, though......we have a ton of books that have her initials in them (she worked at a preschool for many years) and I say those are grandma's books.  When opportunities come up, I tell them about her....like how creative she was (she was so crafty, could sew, etc.). My girl asks questions regularly about her grandma and how she died....I've been very honest and told her she died from a disease cancer. I've always let her ask whatever questions she wants to and try my best to answer in an age-appropriate way.
For only being five, we've had some hard conversations. She's asks me about if I'm going to die and I had prepared by reading the best way to respond. I tell her that I plan to live as long as I can and that she will always be taken care of. It absolutely breaks my heart when her eyes well up when she thinks and asks about these things but these are real emotions and real things that are going on in her head. I need to assure her its ok to ask hard things.


Other than a few colds/fevers, etc.. we've been doing pretty well. Kids fighting a few things now, so I am really hopefully they get better by 2 days from now!!


I think I was planning to talk about my son's birthday and post some pics....at least I can say it was a very small party, we got him a Pep.pa cake, and again he wasn't overly interested in opening gifts. That's just how he is.


I do think I've come out of the really rough times of having such small kids that didn't sleep etc.. Because I am looking forward to decorating for the holidays. I went all out at Halloween and we put up some yard things and made spiders to put all over the windows. I even want to get some lights put up on the house this year for Christmas but my roof is pitched very steep so would probably want to hire it out. Always something to think about, but instead of feeling overwhelmed, I am looking forward to it!!  I've already made a list of presents I plan to get. My girl has told me a laundry list of things, but it will be a bit harder for my son.


The new job? It's fine.  That's kind of how I feel. It is fine for now.....I am realizing that it is pretty much what I expected, back into a big machine that I might not necessarily want to stay in. I'll for sure stay until April next year and then re-evaluate. There have been days where I've said, what have I gotten into.....and other days where I think, eh....it's fine. We also just found out that our building won't be ready to go back full time until Spring of next year so many are still working from home. I work at home most days and once or twice a week go into our temporary office. That is working okay but I am finding that I am not moving as much. I work from my bed and that certainly isn't ergonomic for my back or legs, etc.. (like right now I am sitting cross legged and adults just aren't made to do that for a long time!) I am much more stiff. I had started going on bike rides during lunch and need to get back into that. Of course not commuting and having to BE somewhere by 8 am is nice, but there are a few downsides.


Think that covers it for now......Happy Thanksgiving!

So Exciting

This is going to be a super short post but I just had to put it out there that my son said his own name for the first time last night!!!!
It was just the most exciting thing.....my girl, son, and I were watching super why after bath and the character says--"Can you say your name?"......and he did it! This tiny little voice.....


My girl and I looked at each other and started screaming and clapping for him. My girl asked if he could say his name again and he did. More clapping.....then she asked if he could say her name.....and he did!! We seriously had the best time with asking him to say words and he simply repeated them all.


I don't why, but I guess I just assumed since he hadn't said his name before that maybe he didn't know it, or connect with it.  I should have known better, though,  because he knows way more than what he verbalizes.

It was just so cool.....to hear him just outright say it to the tv.........I don't know. It was kind of like the excitement when he just took off walking and we were all screaming and yelling.


These are the coolest moments as a parent and it makes me SO happy.

We made it

Well, it's almost been two months since last I wrote. I probably think about writing at least every day but for some reason after a certain point it almost feels like homework. I need to do it (well, want to) but I was a procrastinator then, and I still am now. I mark little notes in my phone so I at least remember some of the things I wanted to capture.


So much has happened in the last few months.....we survived a major hurricane, we started a new kindergarten, I started a new job (and mostly working from home because of the flooding), we had a birthday, we decorated for Halloween...and lots of stuff in between. When I think back on it, it's really no wonder I've felt like I've been somewhat dragging and foggy and sleeping poorly. It's been major life changes and stress.


We did not evacuate for the hurricane. For some reason I just felt we'd be fine here and it seemed overwhelming to pack up two small kids, a cat, and a bunch of stuff and drive out of state for an undetermined amount of time. So we stayed put while it rained and rained and rained. Thank the universe we were just fine and stayed safe, dry, did not lose power or water. However....the worst actual scare was one of the nights water kept rising and rising in the yard because the drains couldn't keep up. My neighbor told me he hasn't seen water come up that far in the 20+ years he's been here.  We seriously would have needed a canoe by then to get across the cul de sac to our neighbors who have a two story and offered to let us come there if we needed to.
Hard to see but on the left--view looking out front door away from house and on the right--the kids playing outside just the day before looking towards the house. Water was all the way up to the rocks in the landscaping.

We were very lucky compared to so many who lost homes and just everything. One of my friends sent me a picture of her house from the street--in a boat. What I think sent me into states of fits and panic the most was the constant emergency alarms for tornado watches/warnings. I think one night we had like 12 or more.There is no way you can sleep knowing tornadoes have been spotted. Since we don't have basements I kept trying to decide if I should wake the kids, go into a closet/bathroom, etc. That and the sounds of choppers flying regularly. I was on high alert for days....just me responsible for these two babies and our safety. It's hard to describe how it feels to worry endlessly for days about just staying safe.  Another major worry that lasted for days was that our neighborhood was just on the edge of an area that could flood by overflowing water. Ultimately it was not an issue for our section, but another section close by was not so lucky. Our Nanny was flooded in for many days too.
What really was great, though, was our little cul de sac did actually come outside, connect with each other, and we all kept updated on what was going on with each other--we all watched the drains back up and flood our street, we all wondered if we'd get flooded due to overflowing water. Our one neighbors even brought over kid life jackets in case we needed them. The thing is, once the rain started coming and coming, even if we wanted to evacuate, we couldn't really get anywhere since most of the main interstates were just shut down.
In hindsight, it probably would have been better for me to load up and go to friends out of state. It was really, REally  a lot to handle by myself......I will say that I felt very loved and cared for, however, from so many people near and far.  Local friends checking in, family, relatives, not so close far friends etc.. People were just so supportive with the 'thinking of you' texts, calls, etc..


And in the middle of the craziness, I was supposed to start my new job. I completely had a meltdown. I called my current boss and said I'm not sure this is the right move for me, I've agonized about the change for months (I even drafted an email rescinding my acceptance). He said he'd be glad to keep me if I decided not to go and understood my hesitation. He said if it wasn't right, he'd be supportive. We agreed that he would tell them that due to hurricane he wanted to keep me for an additional month and they agreed. That at least took the pressure off and I felt like I could actually breathe for a minute.


And, shortly after the craziness my girl started her new kindergarten back at her old preschool. The new school actually started a few weeks after the public kinder, but due to the storm the public actually shut down.  So, it actually worked out better for us because my girl was hesitant about starting a new class and wanted to stay with her current one. Since the storms came, the public schools were shut down so it wasn't even an option. I think it made the transition easier because there was a break in between and it also gave her some time to recover.


First Day of Kinder 1. Brother very unhappy

First Day of Kinder 2!

Can I just say I LOVE her kinder. It was hands down the right/best decision. The teacher is great, she has made so many friends, she's learning so much--over the past several weeks she's learned how to READ and write sentences. Oh my big girl. Now when I go pick her up the little girls have a 'thing' where they like to play outside in the courtyard after we sign them out.....they all hug each other when they see each other in the morning and when it's time to go. It is just so darn sweet. There is a 4-pack of them. Madison, Ava S., Skyler, and my girl. Although now she says she's also friends with Bria too. It's just awesome to see. She is so happy and back to the kid who simply loves school. I just had her first parent teacher conference and the teacher exclaimed 'we just love her'. Oh that made me feel so good. Good report all around.

Now, it's not all roses.....we've stepped into normal 5 year old behavior of testing out lying. She came home w/ a hole in her shirt the other day and at first said she didn't know how it happened. Then she said her friend Skyler did it. That seemed kind of odd, but when I pressed her on it, she maintained that Skyler did it. Well nanny told teacher, and teacher brought my girl and Skyler together and when teacher started asking my girl about it, she turned red, then broke down in tears and admitted she did it herself. Even though I was bothered that she lied (and did a ton of surfing to see if it was normal, how was I supposed to handle it, etc..) I was more worried about her dealing with such big feelings of being embarrassed and ashamed.  I talked to her about it on the way home from school (teacher told me what happened) and she at first didn't want to talk or admit to what she had done, but I pulled over and told her we needed to talk. She did finally tell me she did it.....then it took her a few more minutes of quiet to say that she was worried I would be mad at her if she told me she did it herself.  I was very calm and tried to explain how I know she will make mistakes, but I want her to know I need her to be truthful. I said I loved her and that I didn't care about the shirt. I just cared that she was honest.  If I'm being honest part of me felt hurt wondering if she somehow didn't trust me enough, was I not doing something right in parenting her etc....but felt much better after reading that it IS normal for them to go through this. Whew.

As an fyi it is the greenish shirt she has on in her first day picture. In fact she chooses to wear that shirt and owl pants about 3 days/week.

I forgot to capture a funny story from soccer this past summer where I was on the bleachers yelling for their team. I noticed my girl seemed upset and sure enough during break she runs over to me, crosses her arms, and says one of the boys said I was cheering for him.  She looks at me and says, " "I'm your children. You are supposed to be only yelling for me!".

The other not so funny thing in soccer is I am amazed at how many parents are not present and on their phones. This one little girl would often look at her mom when she did something and the mom barely even looked up the entire practice. So sad.

She also learned how to jumprope. She's wanted to jump rope since she was two I think.

It's also still great to see things through a child's eyes....I had put on a shirt so we could go somewhere and she looks up at me and says, 'mom, that shirt looks beautiful'. It really made me stop, pause, and smile. It's nice to hear that every now and then--especially from your child.

She's also learning how to sound things out and spell them. I came out of the room and she had drawn a robot and put the word ROBOT on the top (with hearts all over of course). She did it all by herself. I was surprised and so proud.

She's really into imaginary play with her little weebles and play things. She more and more will play on her own and make up stories/conversations, etc.. She also likes to invent/create things....she took my phone charger cord the other day and slung it over the couch and tied it around her waist. She told me it was her 'rock climbing equipment'. Okay then!

She still has sass.....we were at the park not long ago and it was the one w/ just baby swings and not big kid swings. Her brother was in the one swing and I asked her to come over and sit in the other one. She says, "Are you kidding me?  I'm five".  This one made me laugh outloud.

And just when I think her growth physically, socially, and emotionally is going so fast.....she still uses the word TINK instead of THINK.  Mommy, I tink we should go outside. I think it's the cutest thing..

I can not believe how long her curls have gotten!!

My son.....I'm thinking three's might be a bit tougher than two's. At least what I've seen over the last month.

He's grown a ton. We tried on last year's pants and they look hilarious. Like serious highwaters. Some are about 4 inches too short.  He physically looks much different now at 3. I think it's been a bigger change from 2-3 than from 1-2. He's just such a little boy now.

And with that, napping is coming to a close I think. It started with him not taking naps for me on the weekends, but now, he is not napping about every other day with nanny too.  And boy is that showing in his demeanor. He's much whinier and fussier....and of course it's because he's tired!! We still put him down for one, and usually he can handle it for one day, but by the second day he's just so exhausted he usually just falls asleep.

He's continued to grow significantly in his language. He actually put 3 words together this past weekend. He said "Park my car". AWESOME! He's obsessed right now with cars--he's got matchbox ones, and also a big purple little tykes one that he can sit in and move forward with his feet. He drags that thing everywhere and says "purple cah". The other thing he's obsessed with is 'car wash'. He makes everything a car wash. He crawls through my legs when I'm standing--says car wash. Crawls through the space in the coffee table--car wash.  Put the footstool up on the recliner and drape a blanket over it--car wash. We drive by something that resembles and he's back there 'Car wash'.

His other favorite is 'be back'. He holds up his finger like he'll be right back. He runs away, then comes back w/ a big ole grin.

Another game we've had is:

Boy: Go?

Me: Where you going?

Boy: Pool.

Me: Pool's closed.

Boy: wah. wah. wah.

Usually when he leaves the room and I ask where he's going he says....pool.

He has made a lot of progress w/ speech....whether it's due to the therapy or it's due to just normal developmental growth, I haven't figured out yet which is the real driver, but hey....I figured speech therapy could help. He used to say ssssss-sssss for his sister and now he says 'sissy'. That is not my favorite term of endearment for a sister, but nanny uses that word a lot so okay.

His therapy will end w/ that group probably mid November. We get 60 visits during our plan year and going twice  has added up. We do have the possibility of going through the public school and their speech therapist but I have yet to fill out the paperwork. We may just take a break after he meets his quota and just see how things go.

We are working on potty training.....he's goes regularly and the nanny was using m m's for reward. Well, I think at some point we need to stop because he really is getting a lot of candy from it. maybe we should switch to stickers. He still isn't staying completely dry in his diaper and doesn't always ask to go...it won't bother me one bit to stop changing poopy diapers. I still think we have a ways to go on this one.  He still is pretty wet in the morning and even with using an insert and nighttime pullup, he sometimes leaks through still. Kid drinks lots of water.

He is still sleeping in his crib and I prefer to keep in that way for now. Although that will soon come to an end because just the other day he crawled out for the first time in the morning and came running into my room. My girl looked at me and said, 'I didn't do it!". He hasn't done it since, but I know it's only a matter of time. I'm not ready for the, 'Hey get back in your room.....hey you need to stay in your room' constant conversation we will for sure have.

One of the things we do in our nighttime routine lately is play a cute little game. A few weeks ago we were reading a book about animal homes and we were talking through all of them. After hearing some of them he plain as day said,  "Iceburg".  Well, I guess I made such a big deal about it that now when he goes to bed, after we say nigh-night his little voice pipes up.....'Ice. Burg'. with a giggle. I come over and tickle his head, etc and he says it over and over while I tickle and tickle. It is so cute and warms my heart to hear him belly laugh over our little game. Now that's a way to end the day.

And if he doesn't fall asleep right away, he's into singing himself to sleep....I'll hear his little voice.."Ah off. Ah off. oooo....oooo....". He's obsessed with this swift song and asks to hear it all the time. I still need to video him singing it because it's just so cute.

I do think he's going to be 'into' music because he really loves to sing and dance and asks to hear songs all the time. Much more than my girl used to.

One last funny story is our lawn guy was over trying to figure out something w/ the sprinklers. Well, my son ran outside when I was talking to him. He ran down the little sidewalk and pointed to something and said, 'Daddy!...Daddy!".  I guess to him, men are daddies so he wanted to get his attention. t's the first time I've seen him do this.....I wasn't sure what to say at first but then just laughed it off and explained to our lawn guy that my son thinks all men must be daddies..

I'm proud of myself that I put all of our Halloween decorations inside AND outside the house. We went to a local pumpkin patch where it is small, fenced, and not a lot of fuss....just my speed. The kids loved running around, picking up different ones, making our pumpkin family.....and of course I continue to want the perfect photo....I took like 50....in this one, at least their enthusiasm comes through and their eyes aren't closed!

I still have a birthday to update on but that will have to wait for another update. 

I now have a 5 and 3 year old. wow.

Well....she was right.

Oh man, where do I even begin. I think last I wrote we were just about to start Kindergarten--started last Wednesday.  So, it's been 7 days of school.  And in those 7 days I've learned a lot about our public school.

Day 1 we drove to school and parked across the street with all the other kids and parents heading to the first day. We saw a lot of the blue totes that the kindergarteners are supposed to carry, looking at how they all decorated them.  Already I was a bit nervous because you have to park across the street in a church parking lot. Then, you have to cross a four laned street where in general, people are not the most courteous drivers.  Anyway, Nanny, brother, and I were able to all go and walk her to class. It was really busy in the hallways, however both she and I seemed to be doing okay i.e. no tears. She got nervous a few times but once we rounded the corner (her school is on the far side of the building) she ran right up to her teacher and gave her a hug. We walked in the classroom and found her name at her table and they had pink playdo at her spot and she was so happy that it was pink! The little things, right?

It was bit busy in there w/ all the parents/kids being dropped off so a lot of congestion at the door.  I did stop the teacher to tell her hey, I was the one who wrote the email about my girl being nervous about lunch, etc.. and her response was a bit short/clipped. She said ‘I know. I responded to your email’. Um, okay. 

Once she got settled in I asked her if she was okay, she said yes….seemed to be, so I gave her a kiss and I went out. I looked back in the room some just to make sure she wasn’t crying, and she was talking w/ the kids at her table.

That was it.

I took a towel with me because I was sweating so much….mom stress!  We did end up going to the cafeteria where they had the PTA ‘tears and cheers’ section. Basically a place for you to buy some cupcakes, etc.. and hang out and say hello to other parents. We didn’t really mingle too much but I let my son indulge in a cupcake.

I think school is a long day for these kids starting at 8:20 and ending at 3:40…..THEN if you do car pick up, it takes awhile to get those processes down so she din’t get in the car until almost 4:15. Long long day for her.  Overall no tears and she seemed to be doing ok.

Then Day 2 we decided to do car drop off in the am (instead of park and walk across busy street) to see how that would go and since nanny was driving I was able to get out with her and walk her to her classroom again. She had come out the day before without her lunch bag so when we got to the room I said to teacher, ‘hey yesterday she came out without lunch bag’ and she very crisply responded, ‘well, I sent it with her…’. Um, ok, thanks for that not helpful answer. I said, well is there a lost and found?, etc. and she said maybe check the lunchroom. I stayed in the classroom a little extra time because I just wanted to see how she interacted with the kids and other parents. My spidy senses were picking up about her….just thinking, hmmmm….you are a kindergarten teacher. I would imagine things like this happen at the beginning of year especially, so not sure why the clipped tones, etc.. I did end up finding her bag in the lunchroom.



What was very frustrating was trying to learn the procedures for what happens to the kids when you do car drop off in the am. How do they get from the back of the school all the way to their classroom? I even had a hard time remembering where to turn in the multiple hallways you need to turn to get there.  I asked the lady at drop off and she said that they have safety patrol in the hallway and they’d help them. I asked if they have someone taking the little ones and she said that the patrol is able to help them. That didn’t sound right so I went up to the front office and asked them how it works…..the thing is, not knowing where to go was my girl’s biggest fear, and it didn’t seem too organized about how they got from one place to another in the morning.  Unfortunately the office told me the same thing that once you drop them off, there are kids/teachers in hall that will make sure they get to where they need to go.

That STILL didn’t sit well with me, so after talking it over w/ nanny (she and I both didn’t like that) I decided to call the assistant principal to understand what the process is supposed to be. Okay, so I may be ‘that’ parent, but you know what? I don’t think drop off car procedures should be that complicated AND, they do it every year.

However, before she called me back when we went to pick up my girl from school, we happened to get the principal at our car. I asked her if she could tell us and she said that when you drop in the morning, the kindergarteners are supposed to sit at a table in the cafeteria. Then, when the bell rings their teacher will come and get them and escort them to their classroom for the first 4-6 weeks or so. Finally, an answer that made sense. I told her I appreciated it, and she was the first one to tell us how this actually worked.

Day 2 ride home conversation w/ my girl was interesting. I asked her, ‘was the teacher nice to you?” and she said, ‘yes, but she got mad a lot’. I asked her why and she said that kids weren’t listening.  What an odd thing to say, so I just tucked it in my mental notes.

Same thing on Day 3 ride home. I asked her, “Was the teacher nice to you?”….and she said, “She spent most of the day being mad. Kids weren’t listening and she was being bossy”. Antennas up on alert again.  Of course by Friday she was pretty exhausted and her eyes drooped….she wanted to just sit after school and recuperate.  Then on Saturday during the day she says to me, “I don’t like kindergarten. I don’t like my teacher being mad. I need a break from school and my teacher”.

WHAT??!! In a matter of 3 days she verbalized she doesn’t like school?! This coming from the kid who is SO joyous about learning, school, her preschool, etc..



These comments, coupled with my in person interaction with the teacher, AND a few other confusing emails where teacher had sent home a ‘specials’ rotation  (for music, PE, etc) and didn’t really say when it would start so I emailed to ask---she responded, but didn’t really answer. Said yes, specials are on a rotation. Ummm, yes, I could read that, but when does the rotation start? I also asked about getting a schedule of what they are doing when and she said she was still tweaking it. I wasn’t even sure when she ate lunch. We also sent a note in her folder about asking to leave a sweater there somewhere (they don’t have individual hooks) and no response to the note, but the sweater back in the tote. Guess that meant no? I asked the teacher about that in person and she said there’s nowhere to put it, but there is a separate process for winter when they bring coats. Umm, ok. She also came home with a bloodied sock, apparently a scratch had started bleeding and she had a bandaid—but no note in her folder.



So, I sent an email to a lawyer mom who is also at the school that I met at the moms group. I just asked her how things were going w/ her daughter?...I mentioned that things were challenging for us, and if she knew anything about our teacher and she said yes, she remembered her neighbor having issues w/ this teacher and that I should talk to the principal.

Then, this past Tuesday night we were talking after bath and my girl says, “I don’t like Wednesdays”. I said why not? She said, “I know my teacher’s the boss and should tell people what to do, but other teachers are quiet and she yells at us. She’s very bossy. If other teachers are quiet and she is not, that’s not nice”. Now she’s noticing her teacher is different (in a bad way) from other teachers??



Ummmm, okay, enough is enough already.  It only took a matter of a week for my kid’s light about school and learning to be affected by the environment. I needed to decide what I should do with 4 separate sources of :

1. My girl’s daily feedback on her experience—my biggest concern
2. A former coworker who worked w/ this teacher said not to get her
3. A current mom at the school said other parents had issues w/ this teacher
4. My own interactions with her…..and the spotty communication thus far with the teacher and the school

It’s funny but I remember over the summer driving past the school and just feeling ‘off’ about it. No explanation for it, but maybe it was my intuition speaking to me already.  Anway, I found myself really upset by it all and really making my mind up pretty quickly that I am not a fan of this teacher and the environment. So what do I do?

I decided my options were 1) do nothing, see how it goes with time 2) talk to principal-maybe explore putting her in another class 3) put her in private kindergarten back at her old preschool.



Well, I thought through contacting the principal and honestly, I am not sure what they could do other than possibly move her to a new teacher. The reality is, this teacher has been teaching for 25 years, I don’t believe any amount of ‘coaching’ or whatever the principal would do is enough to make a change that I would be comfortable with. There are pros to moving classrooms, but the biggest con is whether that would ‘follow’ her at the school and we would become ‘that’ family. My other thought was to just cut it and put her in private kindergarten at her old preschool and maybe try again next year in first grade. Just leaving the situation and her in that classroom was not an option in my mind. My gut feel has been to make a change somehow.  My girl deserves better than to have memories of a ‘mad’ teacher in kindergarten. Just unacceptable.  I realize nothing has gone horribly wrong and maybe I could just as easily give it time to see if it all gets better, etc..because I know she will rise to whatever environment I put her in… AND I know you aren’t always going to get a ‘good’ teacher, BUT…. straight out the gate to have this experience just isn’t okay w/ me and I really don’t want to just accept it.  I AM the one who is not comfortable with what I’ve experienced thus far (and I haven’t even mentioned how big this school is)  With the options we have in this city, and that I am able to afford to do something different (barely with still paying nanny fulltime), why wouldn’t I explore all options?



So, I reached out to the director of her old preschool (where her brother was supposed to start) this week to explore if they have any openings, if she thinks my girl would be a fit for the teacher, what the program is like, etc… And yes, they do. 8 girls and 7 boys so far.

And on Wednesday I stopped by there in person just to talk through whether any tuition I paid for my son could transfer to her. She brought me to her office and just asked me what was going on?  So, I explained how our experience has been thus far and she actually started crying. She said it “hurt her heart” to hear that my girl who is so joyous was describing how she didn’t want to go to school. I totally agree and have been agonizing over what to do. I shouldn’t say that, I kind of knew what I wanted to do. Pull her out and send her back there. The moment I drove up to the church school I got a sense of peace and just sighed.



SO, I signed her up for private kindergarten on Wednesday. She will start after labor day.



Every parent has to make these tough calls for their child. Some may not agree with my decision, but our old nanny definitely agrees, current nanny is probably on the fence. I did delicately talk it over w/ my girl on Wednesday night and when I initially said hey, “did you know your old preschool has a kindergarten?” she responded with, “yaaaaaaaaaaaaay”! Then I asked her if she would want to go there, she said yes. However, after she thought through it more she said she didn’t want to go to the new kinder.  Poor little thing her first comment was, “But…..my teacher will miss me”. Awwwww, such a kind heart.  I explained that she would start school in a week or so and she could take a break from her current school until then. She didn’t really understand what I meant because later we were by the fridge and she said she needed to do something to get ready for school tomorrow. I reminded her she wasn’t going and she said she really wanted to go and that she liked her teacher, her school, and what they were doing.  I told her sure, she could go.  Not going to lie, it bothered me to know that this might be super upsetting for her after she’s already gotten into a routine w/ this school to so quickly transition to another one…..but I have to remember that I need to do what I think is the best for her. We talked some more at bedtime and she said again, she wanted to stay at her school so I told her she could go on Thursday. She asked me if her teacher knew and I said not yet, I had not told the school.

So, how I’ve managed it with her is not really talking about it and only responding if she asks questions. I will let her go to her current school until Thursday next week, and then Friday we have meet the teacher at her new kinder/old school. She’s been fine since then.



This whole experience has been really stressful and disappointing. At the heart of it all, I just want the best for her and I want to be at peace with what is going on with her and her education. I believe that once she gets back to her old school she will learn that routine and overall will feel better. She has said how tired she is multiple times a day, every day thus far. Her new hours will be 8:45-2:30pm. SO much more reasonable in my mind.



I believe in my heart this is the right thing to do, so that’s what we’ll do.
I also made the decision to not send my son to preschool. He's had such a hard time over the last month or so....with separation. Every time we've gone to the school he's cried the entire time. Not sure he thinks we are leaving him there, but it's been not good. Also with his speech delay, I really just think he's not ready. I think he could use some one on one time at home.
Even if I don't send him this year, because he misses the birthday cutoff at school, he still has 2 more years of preschool before kinder would start. That's plenty of time I think.

Kindergarten here we come....ready or not

Oh man. It's the night before Kindergarten is starting and I'm just reflecting over the last month or so. I didn't realize how much was involved in this transition: online registration, then in-person school registration with documentation, meet the teacher night with kinder parent orientation right after, personalizing a tote bag, picture for badge, reading the handbook, deciding on transportation (walking, bus, driver) morning and afternoon, labeling, school clothes shopping, lunch ideas lined up, going to a kinder moms meet up group, etc etc.... That's all just logistics....then it's the worry about everything else: will she be ok? Will she make friends right away? Will she be scared, and will they help her if she is? should we do bus? Why is the school day so long 8:20-3:40.


If I'm honest I'm not handling the transition well at all. It all has been overwhelming to me. I am so conscious of how I am feeling because my girl picks up on my vibe even when I don't think she does. I'm trying to talk it up and be SO positive about school and be excited. I want her to continue to love to go to school. Maybe because we also had her birthday, then school, then my son will go to preschool that I'm just processing slower, who knows!
I've tried to cue in on how she is doing with all of this and at times she is very excited, then when we went to meet the teacher night she was quite nervous (understandably so)....her biggest worry is about not knowing where to go. I tell her this is very normal to be worried and that the others will be worried too. This is all new for everyone and it will take some time.
I think I figured out that it's better to just stop talking about it as much and let her talk if she wants to. Tonight we hardly spoke of it at bedtime because I think it just makes her worry more. Especially when she's tired she focuses on the, "What if I miss you? What if I get scared at lunch?" "Do I have to stay all day?". The tears are so hard to see and much harder to calm down.


I was a bit worried about her new teacher because interestingly enough, someone I used to work with, used to work at the elementary school. About a year or so ago she told me who NOT to get for kinder. And yes, that is the one we got....however.....she also said don't get this other teacher (who I saw on the website won an award at the school) and the mom group I went to who had kids there already both got this teacher. So, um.....I'll make my own decision thank you. Mrs. Schindler. Sounds like a really nice, wholesome teacher, doesn't it? My impressions were good. She's been teaching for 25 years, seems to be quite good with communication. I wrote her an email just expressing some of my concern as a newbie i.e. that she's a young 5, has only been in preschool 3 hours 4 days a week so the days will be long for her, her worry about lunch and the noise/chaos, etc..We had to write all this out on a card for the folder but I wanted her to have it prior to my girl's first day. She responded with such a nice note that they will take good care of her, she's in good hands, it's normal for ME to be nervous, and yes it's hard to let them go. I just felt better reading it knowing that she responded right away and it was helpful. It also doesn't hurt that I'd like her to know I'm keen on staying in contact.
This is a big school (well big to me) there are 6 kindergarten teachers and my girl will have 21 in her class.
Something neat is that when we went to meet the teacher night I recognized one of the Dads in our classroom i.e. his wife was a teacher at my girl's preschool last year. We also ran into his wife at a bouncy house with her daughter Lilly. So she will be in my girl's class. I don't think my girl remembered her, BUT....she at least has met someone and I can talk about the fact that she has a friend already at school.


We are all ready to go tomorrow. Her totebag is ready to go, her outfit ready, her premade sign she will hold is all filled in for that perfect photo!.....and I'm going to take her (with nanny and brother) Wed-Fri this week. They allow us to walk them to the classrooms wed-fri. Then we will see.....I am not totally clear if we are walkers in the morning what the process is starting next week, like where we drop them off if we don't walk all the way to the classroom. I am sure around the school in the am it will be a zoo and will take some time.
Apparently there is a 'Tears and Cheers' thing for parents after school starts tomorrow. I don't know if I will stay for that because I have to go to work, but will see. I will plan to pick her up after school as well when we do drive up. Going to see how that process works. We even got our family number tag to hang in our window. They even made a video on how to do the drive up line.


I am sure there will be tears....hopefully just mine and hopefully after we drop off. I really can't explain why these transitions are so hard for me. They have been since the kids have been born. I was slow to take away the bottle, get them out of cribs (my son is still in his and will turn 3 in October), just the 'growing up' stuff I am not embracing quickly. The thing is, I really am excited for them and love to see the new stages and what they start learning, etc.. When we did soccer this summer-- to see my girl out there running w/ her little teammates, kicking goals, etc.. I was so dang PROUD! We really had a great experience with the coaches (they included little brother as much as they could since he really wasn't on the team). They let him pick up the blue cones at the end and gave him stickers or stamps the other kids got. They even let him wear a jersey and sit on the sidelines to watch/clap when the kids were taking turns with a 3 on 3 scrimmage. All around great experience and I am really looking forward to these types of things w/ the kids. It was a ton of fun.


We also had a 5th birthday. It was a nice day, small get together at the house w/ family friends. We did get the bakery cake with a unicorn (as she requested) from the Mexican bakery. There was a small snafu at the bakery because the picture on the original cake was crooked. I decided I couldn't live w/ it so they had to remake it, but were very nice about it. However, the flavor was awesome!! It had strawberry filling and tasted great! I would for sure go there again.


My son was in a mood and not super interested in being in pictures. We did still get some cute ones. Our nanny does some photography on the side and is pretty good at it. You can tell on the camera which pictures I took and which ones she took:

 

 

Most important thing: I think my girl had a lot of fun. She was happy as could be having the party at our house, loved her presents, got so excited opening them. What is so great is that it doesn't take much for her....she is happy with whatever she gets and just had a lot of joy with her gifts. We celebrated her party on the weekend and finished it off with on her actual birthday went to chucky's to play games. I'm so old school that I still like skiball.  FYI my sister was really great on the first day (just like her old self and was talking, etc..I was impressed that she seemed to be really trying)....then slowly she got quieter and didn't talk much rest of the trip. Don't know if she was upset, etc. but she'll just have to be proactive and talk about anything that was bothering her since I can't read minds.


Now, on to Kindergarten first day tomorrow and prepare for my boy's start for preschool and HIS birthday just around the corner.