These last few weeks have been full of wonderful firsts in our house......
--my son learned how to ride his bike
--my girl got sparkly laced shoes (well they still have a zipper and strap so laces are just for looks) and she learned how to tie them on the first few tries!!
--and the heart melter. My son has started crawling out of his crib almost every morning now. I'm not used to it so when this little voice is right next to my ear...'Maaaama'. Sometime startles me. Well, he came into my room the other morning at about 6:15am...he got in my bed and crawled right up to me, laid his head on me and said, "I wuff ooo".....oh em gee. I didn't even care it was the crack of dawn. First time he's said the words I Love You.....it makes me saw awwwww every time.
We are gearing up to fly to the Midwest for thanksgiving. There was a small bit of me tonight that felt overwhelmed at all that it will take to get a 5 and 3 year old (and myself) packed, to the airport, travel, pick up rental car, drive, run around after the kids, and travel back home. Then I took a deep breath and started looking for clothes in the kids' dressers that they can wear while there. I tried so hard over the last month to get some really cute Fall/Winter clothes at many different stores for my girl BUT....I think she is sensory sensitive. She doesn't like anything except leggings and longer shirts. We've tried jeans, dresses, jeggings, tights, yoga pants, organic cotton.....seems that everything we tried was either too big, too small, had too many seams, seams in the wrong place, had scalloped stitching on cuffs, she just didn't like it, etc.. I've learned, though, that if she tries it on and says no, to just not keep it and take it back. Otherwise, it will sit in her drawer collecting dust. And my son doesn't really care except he doesn't like collars. I am finding that branching out into different brands, sizes are not created equal, so a few things I bought for him don't fight right either.
I've been shopping more than I care to admit to try and find some great outfits and while I picked up a few sweaters for both and long sleeve shirts for my son, I just didn't find that AHA! outfit.
It will be fine, I know, but I really did try and am proud of myself for starting so early.
My sister told me today she is for sure not going to meet us for the holiday. She has a lot of health issues and one of them is her blood pressure. It goes up high, and quite low....and that's mixed in w/ migraines and few other issues. So, she just doesn't feel well enough to drive the 4 1/2 hours. My brother, well, never heard back from him. I told him on the phone many months ago, I reminded him on the card I sent for my son, and haven't heard a thing. Would be nice for him to at least say yes/ or no....but assume it's no if he hasn't gotten back to me. He's a grown boy so I don't think I need to chase him and see if he can come.
Just crossed a few anniversaries that have been sad for me. It would have been my mom's 77th birthday this month, and in September it's been 9 years that she's passed. There is still so much sadness in my soul about losing her that I still haven't been able to put a picture of her up in my house. That empty feeling of loss....a yearning of sorts, is still there. Certainly not as pronounced like it was at the beginning, but if you have endured significant loss, you may know what I am talking about. I think about her everyday and I imagine I always will. It doesn't take long before the tears come (like right now) when I think about her a lot. I really really would have liked to know her as a parent to another parent. Even though she was married, we had similar lives in that she ran the show w/ us kids....much like a single parent because my dad was in the military when were very young, then he worked 3rd shift and slept most of the day, so my mom took care of pretty much everything, cooking, cleaning, transporting, school activities, bills, etc..she just didn't have a paying full time job until we were much older. We lived in a very small community but we had no family around. She actually had a whole life before getting married and having kids....she was a nurse, travelled the globe w/ one of her besties Auntie Paula, and then she settled into family. A lot like someone else I know ;)
I do keep her memory alive by talking about her with my kids, though......we have a ton of books that have her initials in them (she worked at a preschool for many years) and I say those are grandma's books. When opportunities come up, I tell them about her....like how creative she was (she was so crafty, could sew, etc.). My girl asks questions regularly about her grandma and how she died....I've been very honest and told her she died from a disease cancer. I've always let her ask whatever questions she wants to and try my best to answer in an age-appropriate way.
For only being five, we've had some hard conversations. She's asks me about if I'm going to die and I had prepared by reading the best way to respond. I tell her that I plan to live as long as I can and that she will always be taken care of. It absolutely breaks my heart when her eyes well up when she thinks and asks about these things but these are real emotions and real things that are going on in her head. I need to assure her its ok to ask hard things.
Other than a few colds/fevers, etc.. we've been doing pretty well. Kids fighting a few things now, so I am really hopefully they get better by 2 days from now!!
I think I was planning to talk about my son's birthday and post some pics....at least I can say it was a very small party, we got him a Pep.pa cake, and again he wasn't overly interested in opening gifts. That's just how he is.
I do think I've come out of the really rough times of having such small kids that didn't sleep etc.. Because I am looking forward to decorating for the holidays. I went all out at Halloween and we put up some yard things and made spiders to put all over the windows. I even want to get some lights put up on the house this year for Christmas but my roof is pitched very steep so would probably want to hire it out. Always something to think about, but instead of feeling overwhelmed, I am looking forward to it!! I've already made a list of presents I plan to get. My girl has told me a laundry list of things, but it will be a bit harder for my son.
The new job? It's fine. That's kind of how I feel. It is fine for now.....I am realizing that it is pretty much what I expected, back into a big machine that I might not necessarily want to stay in. I'll for sure stay until April next year and then re-evaluate. There have been days where I've said, what have I gotten into.....and other days where I think, eh....it's fine. We also just found out that our building won't be ready to go back full time until Spring of next year so many are still working from home. I work at home most days and once or twice a week go into our temporary office. That is working okay but I am finding that I am not moving as much. I work from my bed and that certainly isn't ergonomic for my back or legs, etc.. (like right now I am sitting cross legged and adults just aren't made to do that for a long time!) I am much more stiff. I had started going on bike rides during lunch and need to get back into that. Of course not commuting and having to BE somewhere by 8 am is nice, but there are a few downsides.
Think that covers it for now......Happy Thanksgiving!
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