First Birthday and More...

I really miss my laptop! I am typing on it now and the screen is so dang big, I love it. I have found that since I have a hand-held for work I spend a lot more time surfing on it and reading other blogs, but I don't log into my own....I miss it.

Lots of things happening since last post....we had a first birthday, went to a pumpkin patch, got family pics taken, changed nannies, and had another first.

FIRST BIRTHDAY
My big boy. He is now officially 1!  He is still a chunka munka. That's what I call him regularly. He's legs are still so squishable....just bought him some Fall clothes at 24 months. You know about those sizes, though, I think they undersize things just to make you feel like your kid is the biggest..."my baby already wears 24 months".....kind of a pride thing. It is for me, anyway :)

He's got 6 teeth--4 on top and 2 on bottom. I want to know when the rest are coming because I feel like he hasn't had a break from teething in sooo many months. He constantly chews his fingers and has been fussy on/off for weeks on end due to his teeth. The only thing that helps is motrin at night sometimes...otherwise he's up several times a night again and as early as 5:30-ish am. Where's the baby that went to bed at 6:45pm and didn't wake up until 7am?
He's crawling around faster than any baby I've seen....this kid can mooove. It's funny he crawls normally but when he gets to the hard floor he puts one foot down.....so it's like a crawl/step thing. Still not walking but he's standing on his own. He likes to lean back against things so he just stands and looks around. I can see he wants to inch forward but can't quite figure out how to do. Only a matter of time.
One of his favorite activities....body slamming. Seriously.  I lay on the floor often when playing with the kids and he crawls from anywhere he is to come over....he climbs up my side like he's going up a mountain (I suppose to him I am) and when he can lean his body against me he raises both arms above his head......then....WHACK!....slams himself and his arms down. I say OUCH, he laughs, crawls up again, arms as high as he can possibly reach....then WHACK! over and over......he LOVES this game. He's also into crawling on/over his sister on a regular basis. She'll be on the floor and he'll come and swipe at her, pull her hair, slime her with his drool, crawl on top of her.....seeing them play together....and laugh together, I love.
His personality is coming out....and he's such a ham. He's learned how to make a funny face. He started doing it in his highchair. He will lean his head back, stick his jaw to the side so his teeth cross over each other....and wait for you to laugh. My girl and I crack up so he keeps doing it over and over. It is so dang cute.  He still plays a lot independently. Often he will decide to crawl into the playroom by himself and start taking books off the shelf. Another thing he likes doing...books off the shelf, legos off the table, toys/books onto the floor. Running theme. He's also perfectly happy crawling into different rooms, finding something to manipulate in his hands...books one of his favorites right now....then when he's done he'll crawl back.
He's found the toilet. Enough said.
He's just now starting to eat some food other than formula or babyfood stage 2---he won't do stage 3 w/ the chunks, he just doesn't like it.  I've given him rusks, tiny tiny pieces of pears, grapes, banana, etc.. Nanny gave him green beans mushed the other day, but his tummy wasn't so fond of that one.

I don't know why but I am very slow to transition the kids into the next 'stage'/phase....for example, he's one year, I should switch to whole milk. But, I've still got him drinking formula and paying a ton since that stuff is not cheap. He should also be drinking more and more from a sippy cup. He has one, and the nanny is giving it to him, but I just don't very often.  I think a lot of it is we have our routines, we are all comfortable with them, so I stick w/ what I know works.  What's the rush, I say...?  Well, then it means you have a three year old still wearing diapers.

Anyway, unlike when my girl turned 1, we didn't have a big shindig.  My nanny was here, my sister was here, and the two little ones.  We had cake, icecream, opened presents.....it was just fine.  I think I realized after that parties can be stressful and I just wasn't up to getting a party together. I felt bad slightly because I DID have one for my girl. I know I know, they say they don't remember, etc......but I do. We still had fun and got some cute pics.

PUMPKIN PATCH....I was determined to get the picture-perfect pumpkin shot.  See for yourself how we did....

Looking to the right......

Looking down......

Oh Oh...I got one!

 Ah, forget it.....after 30 or so pictures....just wasn't going to happen. My sister was here when we went so we got a 'family' of pumpkins and bought the stickers that they had to decorate. I am soooo not into carving, markers, or any such mess. It was just enough and my girl and I had a fun time making the faces.

FAMILY PICS
I am hoping that we get them soon because w/ the deal we get 10 of the shots i.e the copy right to them. I hope I'll be able to make holiday cards and maybe post a few on here. It actually was the photographer that took my girl's newborn photos. We hadn't seen her since my girl was only a few weeks old and she couldn't get over how curly her hair is and how TALL my girl is. She has a 3 year old herself just a few months older than mine. I am a bit nervous we won't get a great family shot because she didn't move us to too many places--we were at an old plantation home outside....reminded me of our family photos right after my son was born--in our old city--and those were just okay. Nothing I would enlarge to a picture over the fireplace.
Anyway fingers crossed.....she is really really good.

NEW NANNY
Yup, I did it. I just finally got my mind around needing to make the change. I had mentioned that no situation is perfect. It's not. What I struggled with from the beginning is that my girl didn't take to her very well. When we were in the apartment (lots of change then) my girl wanted to stick close to home. Understandable. Over time I thought it would get better....and it did somewhat. But, even after we moved the nanny would say that when they went to the park she didn't want to swing, play, etc.. That was so unlike her. I still kept thinking we still had lots of changes.....so I was giving space. She did warm up more to her and would hug her, etc.. but I worried that she was spending too much time on her phone (she only watches p.b..s. kids) shows. It seemed every time I turned around she was on her phone in another room from the nanny and my son. I mentioned it several times but the nanny sort of downplayed it and said that she's not on it much, they play all day. My girl also didn't want her to fix her hair in the mornings....didn't want her to take her to the potty. I knew the nanny was taking good care of them, but you can't pay to bond them. She said from the beginning she loves babies....that was evident. She had my son glued to her hip most of the time, which was fine w/ me. But I think she struggled w/ the pre-school age, especially one that is as spirited as mine. The nanny would say she's never watched a child like mine. Said she was smart....independent...stubborn....speaks like a 5 year old....can be moody....yes, she is all those things. I truly believe she was intimated, somewhat because none of her 'tricks' really worked on my girl.
And then there was the other "stuff" like not being too receptive to any feedback, not being proactive with things around the house--simple things like my son's outfit was folded on a table. It stayed there for a week rather than say, hmm....let me just put that away. She was resistant to schedule changes i.e. I had to mention several times that going to the library with the kids for storytime would be a good idea. I had asked about the library back when we were in the apartment. She wasn't super fond of going to the grocery store once a week. She'd usually say, wow, that's a big list....or, it's up to you whether you think I should go. I made sure she knew up front that running a some errands was part of the job.
To her credit, she was very dependable, got here 5 min early every day. Also, I knew she would take good care of the kids....I didn't worry about that at all. It's just my girl needed more....and after agonizing over the decision for about a month (knowing she quit her other job to come work for us), I finally just decided that if I thought my girl would do better with the other one (the new-er weekend babysitter), than I owe it to her to do it.
Last weekend I texted the nanny and asked if she could come meet (ironically at the same place we had the interview). I told her I was planning to make a change and gave her my reasons why. I had practiced what I was going to say to her, how I would say it, etc...she listened, was understandably upset...but didn't get angry. I think she understood where I was coming from and didn't really know either why it was such a challenge w/ my girl. We met for about ten minutes and that was that. That was a tough thing to do. I haven't had to do that before.
So, we just made the change this past Monday....we had a first full week with the new one.  I've still got some worries....I think I may just always have them....since it's not me taking care of them full time. But, I have to say this past week my girl's demeanor was definitely improved. There was less fussy, less talking back, less stress.....she just seemed more calm. She really likes our new nanny.....I could tell that from how they interacted during the weekends. My son, I don't worry....he's so easy.
Time will tell and I just hope that things continue to go well and we've found someone we can work with for awhile.

FIRST HIGHCHAIR MESS
My son somehow reached the babyfood container from the table. And when I turned around this is what I saw. Someone was having a good time.

The Day I Prayed

I'm not even sure where to begin this story. I haven't written in 5 weeks it says. Yeah, guess I can understand why--my mind has been full, to say the least.

So several posts ago I mentioned that I was struggling w/ my eyes...it started back in January of this year where I noticed my eyes were straining more, sensitive to light, and blinking more. I figured well, makes sense, I just turned 40, and that's when things start going south. I just didn't let it bother me too much thinking it would go away when my eyes adjusted. It didn't.
Over the next several months I noticed it getting worse and I was rubbing my eyes more, a lot more strain and eye fatigue. I just started my new job in April and changed insurance so figured I should get them checked out by an ophthalmologist. He was kind of a jerk, took less than 2 minutes with me, and said I just needed reading glasses. Wasn't really interested in hearing more about how bothersome they were. Mind you I could read 20/20 in the office.
Shortly after that visit I noticed my eyelids "sticking" shut...I would blink and they would stay shut an extra second or two. I also felt like I had to lift my eyebrow to will them back open sometimes--like spasms in my eyelids.  As you can imagine, think about driving and your eyes want to close, and sometimes did w/ out you wanting them to. Scary stuff.  I started driving with my finger holding my eyelid open to make sure it wouldn't close. I noticed I was keeping my eyes closed more and more at work when I was walking because of the blinking/eye fatigue and would almost run into things. I also had to tell my coworkers and some of my clients that I was having eye issues and not winking at them.  Very scary stuff so I decided to call our company nurse line and ask what kind of Dr. I should see because it wasn't letting up. They suggested a neuro-ophthalmologist.
So, about a month ago I go see one in our big city medical center.....they ran a bunch of eye tests on me (tested peripheral vision, etc.) asked me if I had eye pain, numbness, tingling, loss of vision, blurred vision etc.. The only symptom I had was this eye "thing". No numbness, no loss of vision, etc.. just this. So, after all the testing the Dr. says she thought I had bl.eph.arospasm. It's a benign condition with an unknown cause and how it's treated is with bo.t.ox in your eyelids every 3-4 months.  She referred me to a specialist who handles many/many of these cases. I make an eye appointment with said Dr. and of course next appointment a few months out. I called regularly and was able to get in much sooner (about 2-3 weeks ago).

After all of the insurance rigamaroll to get these injections approved and all the medical records sent over, etc..I finally get in to see this Dr.  The nurse comes in and gets my history, says hang on Dr. in soon.
Doctor comes in and sits on his stool, reads me the chart of my history and I told him it all sounds right. He sits back and looks at me some more, making me sort of nervous, uh, why is he staring at me?
In less than two minutes he sits back and says:

I don't think you have bl.eph.arospas.m.

I think you have (insert debilitating disease here). I don't even want to type it, I shudder thinking about it.

My blood ran cold. I don't know if that's the feeling of true fear...but my breathing almost stopped, I had a rush of coolness quickly was over my entire body, all the way to the tips of my finger and toes. My stomach dropped to the bottom floor of the building. I just sat there. My mind quickly started envisioning crumpled people in wheelchairs and then I saw my children's faces.  I just started crying. Crying and crying. I couldn't really speak.
He put his hand on my leg and tried to comfort me and then asks if he could bring some people in the room.  I said sure. I thought maybe he was getting a second opinion from another Dr. Nope, he brings in his fellows and asks them to see how I am blinking....watch how it is NOT blep.haro.spasm.
At this point I just say I am the mother of two small children....crying....crying.
He says I need to get an M.RI done and said I should go back to the neuro-opthalmologist. His fellow later told me that when he was in the hall he was frustrated w/ the other doctor (who he's worked regularly with) because this was obviously neuro, he told them.
I was in a complete, stunned, panic.  I called my neuro's office asking to speak to my Dr. right away and of course I had to leave a message for her to return call. Then sat in the car parking lot sobbing and feeling sick.

When I drove home I just couldn't think straight, holding my eye open with my finger not just because of the eye issue......the tears. And what greeted me when I got home? A workman was leaving my house--I stopped him and asked what the issue was, assuming he was checking a meter or something. He said he was there to turn off my gas, no payments had been received. W..T...F. I have never in my history of owning houses ever not paid my bills. No gas equals no hot water.

I had to just pull it together and go through our nightly routine....finally got baths (still had remaining hot water), teeth brushed, stories, etc. done and while my daughter was watching her show, I was rocking my son in his room, his cheek against my chest while feeding him his bottle. I looked down into his beautiful, innocent, amazing face......The tears welled up and spilled over on to his face. My mind racing and my heart squeezing and aching with thoughts about what I would do....how will I manage. My independence defines my spirit....if that were slowly taken away from me.....dear God. What about my children?.....
And from somewhere deep in me a prayer came out.

I said Lord, give me strength.


It took a few days to actually speak to the Dr.--ridiculousness. But, when I finally spoke to her I said exactly what the Dr. told me and she said that how I presented would be a very atypical presentation for this disease, but let's get the MR.I done quickly and just go from there. A day later I have the test done. However, it was done on a Friday and I wouldn't be able to get results from the Dr. until Monday.

I'm not sure even how to describe the weight/armor I felt I had surrounding my body. Breathing seemed more difficult and I just couldn't focus on much. I realize this sounds dramatic but frankly it was.

After waiting all weekend I go into her office--they re-do all of the tests they did the first time. I start thinking...okay, if it's bad news why would they put me through the wringer w/ these additional tests....start getting hopeful. She had an actual Neurologist doing rotation w/ her so he came in first. He started going through my chart, going through the same types of questions before...no, no numbness, tingling, I can see just fine, no eye pain, etc.. Then he pulls out the MR.I and says it's.......
NORMAL.
Normal.
Dear any higher power out there.....thank you.

Then my mind starts racing....wait a minute.....why on EARTH would a Dr. who saw me for less than 5 minutes drop a complete bomb and say I had this debilitating disease only to have it not confirmed w/ an actual diagnostic test? Wouldn't a Dr. say, Hey patient, I'd like to get a few more tests done to rule out other things...why don't we schedule you for some additional testing?  I had been tirelessly researching the Inter.net about the disease and now shifted to, is there anything you can do legally to a Dr. who gives you wrong diagnosis....(not really). I forgot to mention that the Friday before I got the results the Dr.'s nurse called me and said I should check w/ my regular Dr. as well because it could be another disorder I should ask about.....ummmm....what? Why on earth wouldn't he have initially told me in his office he thought it could be this OR this....not, you have this, period.

Then I started getting mad. REALLY mad. So mad that I called the Dr's office who dropped the bomb and said I wanted to speak with him, and had to leave a message, of course.  He called me back that evening and I asked him if he had spoken to my neuro i.e. the clear MR.I. I wanted to know how he would explain giving me this diagnosis that the test doesn't back up. I was expecting him to say he was sorry, shouldn't have done that, whatever.....but he goes on to say, well, it may not have shown up in the test, but it could still be a clinical diagnosis.  I didn't even know what that meant other than he just put doubt back in my head when the other Dr. had just taken it out.  I looked up online what clinical diagnosis meant and it just means a diagnosis based on symptoms presented versus confirmation via diagnostic testing.
After that call I was so confused.

The next day I called my regular neuro-op back (just last week) because I wanted to understand how he could still be saying this....the Dr. didn't call me back but her nurse did and she said that the Dr. said it was unlikely, but that's why she had referred me to see a general neurologist. That would be the appropriate Dr. to do further testing, confirm, rule out, etc..

Of course that general neuro in one of the city's highly regarded institute's next available appointment--November 19th.  I called around trying to figure out if I should just go to a different institute/Dr. etc and for some reason wait times for a remotely recommended Dr. in this field is at least a month.
I decided I would rather wait for what is supposed to be an excellent Dr. than go to a fly by night one just because they have an opening sooner.

So here I sit. The office told me to call everyday for cancellations, which I have.

It's hard to fully describe in writing what an emotional turmoil this last month or so has been. One of the worst parts about all of this......right after I left the tough appointment....I couldn't think of anyone locally to call. There really isn't anyone who is involved in our daily lives (other than nanny) that I could say, hey, come on over...I need a shoulder. I felt very, very alone.  These are the things you pick up the phone and tell your mom....or husband. Someone who can be a rock for you....not just emotionally, but physically as well.

The trauma has subsided...I am trying to just focus on waiting for the next Dr. appointment and more testing, etc. I am not researching anymore because it just gets me anxious. I'd like to think that after all of this I may just have ble.pharospasm after all....or some other benign deal that is treatable and able to be helped somehow. It's interesting because some days are better than others and some days my eyes feel like they want to shut and "stick" that way half the day, with driving anytime and end of the day being the worst. If I am talking to someone I have to really concentrate to keep my eyes blinking somewhat 'normally' so it isn't so noticeable.

I have a lot to update on the kiddos---we had a first birthday! but think I'll just leave this post for now.

Enjoy them while they are young

It's time to take a step back from all the craziness (read stress) these last few months and focus on some of the things I love about my children.  I say yes to all the things people say about having kids...is it hard, yes, is it stressful, yes.....but how cool is it when they learn something new like rolling over...and share some of the same things you enjoy--like books and olives?
I read an article recently that for some reason made me sit back and say AHA....I get what they mean a little more about enjoy them when they are young. This lady was talking about several ways parenting older kids is harder than younger ones--eventually they outsmart you, they are even more expensive...but the one that made me reflect was--They don't want to be with you.  (Um, what do you mean they don't want to be w/ you? ) She said you are their center of universe for years and initially it's nice when they don't need you to carry them or lie next to them to fall asleep. Then you find yourself bribing them to spend time w/ you and eventually that won't work and they just want to be with their friends.  She says where was this kid who wants nothing to do w/ her now when she was army-crawling out of his room and holding his hand through the crib until he fell back asleep?
Something just clicked.....not just because that's exactly what I have done during night times, but I AM the center of their universe right now.  They WANT to be with me every second of the day (okay for the most part).  For some reason when I thought of it in those terms, my girl's crying fits or sassiness, or sourness just didn't seem as frustrating. There will come a time (gasp) that she/they don't want to be around me....let's not go there any time soon.

So in celebration of the great things.....

Just tonight:
"Mommy, I love you.  You are my best friend. Ever!" All while running over to me w/ her arms outstretched for a great big hug. I have no idea where she even heard of the term 'best friend'. But boy did it make me smile at the end of my long day today.

She is very creative in her get-ups. Bike helmet, sunglasses, and boots. What else could a girl need!

She is very attentive her brother. One of the first few times he was standing, picture was taken August 19th, she was helping and saying "Look at him, look at him!"

Can't get enough of these curls!!

She is very thoughtful.  When she is getting something out of the fridge she always wants to bring you one too.  She offers to share when she is eating....just tonight she wanted a cheese stick and as she's running to the fridge she says, "you want one too...I bring two!"  When she's eating popcorn she'll randomly reach over and hand me a kernel.  If I ever yell out if something hurt me she's always right there, "What happened, mommy?".  When we would go to the apartment pool she would always want to pick flowers for whoever was back at the apartment and bring them in.
Just such a sweetness in there.



And my son....what can I say? He is just so dang happy (when he's not teething, of course). And still chubby, still wants to snuggle and be held a lot. And makes me smile.

And, he said ma-ma intentionally not too long ago!!  I was putting him down to bed, he flipped himself right over and stood up in his crib...he was saying "maaaa....maaaaa....".as I was walking out. Awwww.

I just love them!!!

Suburbs

Nothing like going to a suburban bbq to make you feel like a single parent. I know I am one, but feeeling like it....yes, that's a different story.  

This past week our neighbor mom sent me a text and asked if we'd like to join them on saturday for a bbq. Sure thing....our girls are the same age, they seem really nice, so why not? I was a little hesitant because it started at 5:30pm. By that time both kids are fed and we are winding down to bath at 6pm.  I figured it shouldn't be that big of deal, we'll stay until 6:15 maybe. Earlier that day I went to the grocery store to bring some things to share....I said I'd bring veggies and dessert so I brought cucumber/carrots/watermelon/kid-size drumsticks, and an apple pie. Perhaps a little overboard. Didn't quite seem like it at the store, but as I was getting our bags ready to go over there I had two grocery bags in addition to the stroller, our backpack of stuff, extra outfits, bottles to be sure, etc.So. Much. Stuff. Just to get ready to walk out the door put me in a sweat.  Babygirl was in her swimgear because they were going to have a babypool out. Thankfully we could walk over...not right in our circle but close enough. 

So I thought it was just going to be them (mom, dad, 3 year old and 16 month old)....I shlep over there w/ my shorts/t-shirt, no make up, hairy legs, sweat rag resting on my shirt considering it is still about 90+ degrees.Well, as soon as we roll up an older gentleman introduces himself--it was the husbands parents. Then a little while later two more couples show up w their children. It was a full on party. And there I was about as frumpy as can be--had I known I would have showed up a little more presentable.

Cue feeling the single parent-dom.....when you have two children, and both are mobile.....good luck. My son wants to crawl a lot now...and frankly it was so hot that when he sat w/ me we stuck together. There was only grass and a hard patio....no real place to put him down so he could chew on some toys..he eats grass now. Had I known I would have brought at least a picnic blanket.  My girl jumped in the babypool which was great....but I was watching her, holding him, or trying to hold him, standing up the entire time....and S..W..E..A..T..I..N..G.  The mom w/ the 2 girls was walking around, pretty relaxed....and she is pregnant w/ her third...I couldn't figure out how she could be so chill.  Well, it took me 2.5 seconds after watching her and her husband that it became super clear....they tag-team.  He will watch the girls while she is inside cooking.....she'll come out and he'll set up the grill, she goes inside for more food and he'll walk over to the babypool. It was like a dance.  Not to mention his parents were there so they had a bunch of eyes and arms for the kids.

I don't really know them well enough for me to hand over my kids so there I was trying to do it all myself.  It was kind of crazy being around so many people and feeling somewhat alone. Now. I have to say the mom made me a plate of dinner while I was out watching my two, which was so nice. Just someone making me a plate of food made me feel like I could breathe for two seconds--while everyone else was relaxing in their patio chairs.

It was hard.  I tried to tell myself to relax, but honestly my stress level kept rising because dinner was getting later and later...my girl eats around 5-5:30...don't think we ate until 6:30, my son was starting to melt down because we normally have bath done and he's about to go into his crib at 6:45pm. The table was all hanging out eating dinner and I felt it would be rude to go right when everyone was eating, so I made do and threw some food down while holding my twisting, crying, sticky, and oh so tired boy.

In general I think the kids did wonderful for being totally off schedule and out in this heat. My girl really enjoyed the pool, no major meltdowns, and I found out she loves corn on the cob. My son did pretty well up until the end so I'm thankful they were just fine. Me, I felt exhausted, so hot like I'd never cool down, stressed out, and ready to just lie on the sofa in the coolness and vegetate. As much as I could, anyway, since our a/c is having problems and it doesn't seem to get below 80. Guy coming tomorrow to take a look.

It sounds like I had the worst time ever, which wasn't true.....I did get to talk a bit to some of the people and share some mom stuff.  It was just hard and a struggle at times w/ both by myself, I felt pretty darn single.

Perhaps it was just an emotional weekend. I just felt lonely....and that felt sad.  I miss not having friends around to just pop in and say hi...hang out w/ me and the kids. I have some friends here but they are pretty busy w/ their own lives and this a big city...not super-close distance-wise to most of them. The one I am close to distance wise, her kids are older and I usually go her way, not the other way around. Lot harder to do w/ two little ones. In a way it feels like starting over....even though I've lived here before I've never lived in the suburbs and we didn't come back to a nest waiting for us.  Finding new friends and social circles is just not easy...it takes emotional energy and time. I just wish we could find our niche faster.

I am proud of myself for being open to meeting the neighbors and going to their party. 

At least going to a bbq is a way to start......

It's happened....

My son is officially on the move.  He pulled himself to a stand for the first time yesterday on the bathtub.  He did the same thing tonight.....wobbly legs and all.
Then when I put him down after his bath he started to crawl and fell face first on the tile and now has a nice grout mark on his forehead.  Poor baby. Maybe he should stick to pulling himself up.

Someone had a birthday!!

My baby girl is 3. 3!!!!!

We had a nice little party at my friend's house.....no need to rent bouncy houses, go to chuck.e.chee.se's yet...no little friends to entertain. So we got to still do it mama-style: low-key, pizza, cake, and swimming in friend's backyard.  My girl had a great time as did most people, I think. I sweat most of it because I found myself constantly keeping my eyes on both of them, making sure they were ok, etc. I had even asked our babysitter to come so I would have dedicated help for my boy so I could focus on my girl and our friends. After a few hours babysitter took my son back home so he could nap and the rest of us opened more presents, then just a few of us went swimming. The pool was refreshing!

She looked cute as a button. I asked her what her favorite part about her birthday party was.....she said very quickly, CAKE!

I got her a bike for her birthday but the funny thing is, it is still in the garage not yet given to her. Why? Well, it's too dang hot to ride it and I wasn't sure on the size. I didn't want to get her all excited about it only to not be able to ride it. So, she had so many presents to open from our far away friends sending things in the mail and at the party, I just decided to hold on it. She will get it soon.

Latest thing she's been wondering about?: After bath the other night..."Mommy, will I go down drain?".
This kid's imagination.

We finally moved into our house the weekend before, so needless to say it's been a busy several weeks. Not to mention the triple digit temperatures. It's funny, everyone keeps asking me, so, do you feel better now that you are in the house?  The short answer is no.  Why? Because there are so many things still not done. We still don't have a stove cooktop, doorknobs, trim in several places, etc. We are here, but it isn't finished....and not yet like home. Boxes lined up in the front room. Contractor is set to do the punch list over next couple of weeks...It's an entire page long.

What I love about the house--the indoor colors I chose. My girl's room is a nice, soft lavender, my son's is a boy's blue, and mine is a soft greenish blueish grayish color. And the kitchen is a spicy red-orange color! No worries, the rest of the house is a calm beige color.My master bathroom is amazing. The custom vanity made by the carpenter is a great piece of work.
What I've been disappointed about: the floors. After all the agony on the stain, I have found that they scratch up way too easily. Beautiful, but not super functional. I've also learned I won't put hardwood in a kitchen again. That floor takes the most abuse and already there is a 3 ft scratch. The roof. I ended up choosing a dark/charcoal color rather than the standard grey that is everywhere. We put up three colors and none of them seemed to go w/ the brick color. Well....let's just say the black against the brick is...wow....dark. So, we changed the trim once because it clashed w/ the black roof....and now I think the trim is too dark too, so I may just buck up and pay to have it done again. I've been obsessing over trim color, no other way to put it.....and the new fridge is the noisiest thing ever.

I think when the list is done, boxes are put away, we have a table that fits in the kitchen, I can park in the garage again, etc.. I will feel a bit more settled. When we first spent the night over here the house felt so BIG compared to the apartment. I was worried I wouldn't hear the kids crying out at night. No worries, I can hear just fine :)

My son...he just turned 10 months old. And this kid is on the move!!!!!  He just started crawling for real. Like arms/legs all coordinated, moving across the floor crawling. I noticed he likes to pull himself up on his knees....the crib has teeth marks all along it now. He's got his two lower, one upper left and the upper right has finally poked through. Several rough nights and days w/ the teething. I just don't want him to lose his baby fat. I love it.  He finally got in for his 9 month appointment at over 10 months (had to switch Dr.'s offices since our first one wouldn't get him in until he was 11 months old--for his 9 month appointment)
....he weighs...24 1/2 pounds! My big boy.

See my tooth?!

I am proud of myself....last week one of our neighbors stopped by and said she had a 3 year old and a 16 month old. I was so happy to hear that. They don't live in our little circle, but close enough. So today we didn't have anything to do this afternoon so I walked w/ my girl and my son just to say HI and give them our number. She invited us in--I felt kind of bad because it was during their afternoon rest time, but we stayed just for 20 minutes maybe. Guess what? her husband and I work at the same company. Such a small world. She said she was expecting again....so she'll have her hands full. It was nice, though, because she used to work before kids, had both of them through IVF, and is 36. We have some things in common. And both our girls are TALL for their ages.  Was just nice talking to another mom--she went through the same thoughts about a bike for her girl and ended up getting her the bigger one too. I felt validated!
So, we'll see how it goes....maybe have some play dates, etc..

And, our nanny.....well I mentioned that no situation is perfect, and this has panned out to be true.  She's been with us a few months now and the hurdle we have is that my girl has not bonded to her much at all. As an example, some mornings my girl would rather watch her phone by herself than be out w/ the nanny.  The nanny is very firm and very structured, which I know is a different style than my girl is used to. I am just not sure what to do about it right now. It may just take more time.....the thing is, the nanny is super bonded w/ my son. She has said before she loves babies, etc..which I can tell. She has also said she hasn't watched a girl like mine before....very precocious, energetic, smart, and challenging. I think it makes her uncomfortable.
Some things are bothering me, some little, some not. When I come home I ask about the day, she says how perfect my son was and most of the time she says my girl had a good day.  I think it's mama bear coming out in me because I don't want my girl thinking her brother is perfect, and she's not.  Yes, I could tell her to not use that word, but I have found that she's also pretty resistant to feedback. As an example, I was trying to tell her that I didn't want my girl to eat pizza for lunch several times a week at the mall, but that going to the mall for exercise when it's this hot was still good. Well....I didn't get too much out when she snapped that they just wouldn't go to the mall then.  Ok, that's not what I was saying.  Sigh. I had to text her later what I was trying to tell her i.e. take some food and make a picnic there, go earlier so home by lunch time, etc.. but still go.
Funny enough our new weekend babysitter has turned out to be very connected to both kids. My daughter will easily allow me to stay in my room when she is here and not cry, try to get in my room, etc..and I can leave w/out much fuss. She is very energetic and does a lot of things w/ the kids....today I slept in and came out to see they were in the backyard in the babypools having a great time! I've not so gently asked her about whether she's thought of full time, etc. but she is wanting to build work history/money to buy a house and needs to stay where she is at until next year. I told her if anytime her situation changed to let me know.

I've said before, you can pay someone to take care of your kids, but you can't pay to bond them.

It's been super busy all the way around. I'm trying to make the last final push w/ the house and not lose my mind. I've been pretty whipped lately and just today I was feeling more tired than I have in awhile. It's understandable given all that's going on. I just keep telling myself soon....soon it will calm down :)

Young Mind

I am regularly amazed at what runs through my girl's mind...

BABYGIRL: You go work?
ME: Yes
BABYGIRL: What you do at work?
ME: I work on the computer and talk to people.
BABYGIRL: I like people.
ME: Me too.

What 2 3/4 year old wonders what their mama does at work? Maybe this is normal but it just took me by surprise that she's thinking about this and can articulate it.

BABYGIRL: I got teef. You got teef?
ME: Yes, I have big ones.
BABYGIRL: Where come from?
ME: Where do your teeth come from?
BABYGIRL: Yes.
ME: They grow from your gums.
BABYGIRL: Ok.

Again, this kid wonders about so many things and asks so many questions. She still asks a lot of why? why? and I still try to answer her.

I have to report...I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF.  We were having such stressful times during bath. Just crying and screaming and whining and splashing and just UGH!.  So, I decided after reading a bit more about SWC, strong willed children.....I tried to incorporate some tips I learned...like giving choices frequently. Much more to write on this topic, but these kids need to feel like their voice is important. So, I started asking her....okay, it's time to get your hair wet, do you want to get it wet on this side of the tub, or that one? Believe it or not, it works (mostly)! She picks a side and then doesn't throw a fit when we need to get her hair wet.  The other thing I've done is I tell her she can earn a treat for after bath....and if she has no fussies, tantrums, listens to mama, etc.. she can have whatever she chooses.  Now, I've had to modify this because I tell her she can "earn" her treat. Well, if she does have a fussy or no listening I had to figure a way to let her do that, but still keep her on track. So, I figured out a plan that is....her treat is 3. 3 scoops, 3 pieces of candy, 3 whatever.  I then take one scoop away if she misbehaves. It's hilarious because she caught onto this really quickly....shortly after starting this new thing this week, if she misbehaves she looks right at me and says, "how many?" i.e. how many do I have left.  Isn't that great?! I haven't had to take 3 of anything away and she's taken to this really well. Part of me worries about using treats as a way to help her behave better during bath, but honestly our bath time is so much more pleasant and we even had FUN last night....we both laughed at the funny noises she was making when I rubbed my hand over her face when I cleaning it....it really was so nice. So, I'm sticking w/it for now.


We are getting ready to move next weekend. I was scheduled to move today, but I just couldn't see making it happen. There are so many things needing to be done at the house and frankly, I just wasn't ready.

So much to do still.

And I can't write w/out mentioning my son.....this big boy can SIT UP BY HIMSELF! now. Oh my little guy. My squishy mushy lovey guy....I went into his room this morning after he started to fuss and I usually just feel around because we have black out shades in there. I started to touch the mattress, then found him, and my hand kept moving up, and up, and up.....he was sitting up that turkey!  Next item on the list....move the crib mattress down. His nanny today found him holding on to the side rails and she got so nervous and said I needed move it down tonight. Can't find the little tool to take bed apart, so will have to do that tomorrow.
Don't get me started on our 'new' pediatrician's office. He is 9 months old so I called to get his 9 month check up. They said they could book us for September. Uh, what?? It's July. By Sept he'd be 11 months old.  She said this is their busy season and they book 4-6 weeks out. How in the heck was I supposed to know that. So, I tried to negotiate w/ her that I was new, etc. and she wouldn't budge. So I asked to speak to a nurse. Nurse said he's not due vaccinations so we could wait...earliest she could find was now August 31st. Seriously. What good does a 9 month appointment do when he's almost a year old!!
We will be finding a new pediatrician's office asap...I can't see staying with a group that is this inflexible. But, I still need to try again to get him in there for this appointment because it takes so long as a new patient to get 'established' elsewhere. Who knew it would be like this....in the suburbs.