Confession

I have a confession to make. I think I am terrified of preschool.

My daughter is now 3 years 5 months old. I intentionally didn't even think about preschool for her because of all the changes happening in our lives after she turned 2....we brought a new baby home, we moved states, then moved again to our current home, the change in nannies, the challenging behavior, the sickness, etc.. My plan all along was to put her in preschool when she turned 4 this fall. I figured by then she'd be super verbal, able to express anything bothering her, etc. and perhaps the transition/any separation issues would be ok. I got over the fact that 'everyone' seemed to start their kids at the latest 3.

However, before xmas I had been talking w/ one of my coworkers who has highschool aged kids and she gave me some advice about preschools in the area, where her daughter went many years ago (connected to a church), so I just started investigating.  Am I glad I started when I did!! Little did I know preschool is an industry here. I almost started a spreadsheet comparing location, prices, schedules, afternoon offerings....but that would have been ridiculous, almost.
What I've discovered:
--There are waitlists--long ones. If you want your kid to get in anywhere now.
--It's totally expensive-over 600/mo for some if you want morning/afternoon M-F
--They have this cost thing where there is a flat fee for morning sessions, but if you want afternoon too a "lunch bunch" some of them call it, you add $65/per afternoon day a month.
EXAMPLE: MWF 8:45-11:45 - $205. BUT, if you tack on afternoon that's an additional 65x3 (195/mo) for a grand total of $400/month.
--a lot of them are enormous....example, 6 classes of 15 = 90 3 year olds!
--the registration process for the Fall starts in January! Like now!
--the registration process is like black friday after thanksgiving. Current students get to sign up one day, then the next day members of the church/school, then third day general public. First come first serve, doors open at 7am for most schools. My neighbor said I'm not "camping" to get my kid in school. I said huh? She said doors may open at 7, but people get there in the middle of the night to get in line to make sure they get a spot.

I've been somewhat 'schooled' in how crazy a process is...it's totally overwhelming. My mind gets totally anxious thinking about school for her....Aside from piecing together everything above, how do I make sure I choose the best one? What if the one I want we somehow can't get in? Is a church-based one okay? How am I going to fit in going on all the tours? What if the teachers aren't that great? What if she reacts like she did when we tried daycare-disaster.? What if it's not challenging enough for her i.e. she knows a lot of the basics.

So, before the holidays when I realized registration coming fast, I took a tour of the one my coworker's child went to years ago before and I really liked it. Good vibe, great facility, the tour lady made me feel good that I wasn't damaging my child somehow by not having her in school already. I wanted to tour some others but couldn't get in before holiday closures.  When I was there I talked to the woman about current openings and heard the same story, wait lists wait lists....but, she'd go ahead and put us on for the 3 year old class. I didn't expect to hear a thing.

Today, I happened to call them asking about when they stop taking new students for this school year and lo and behold she said they have a spot open and do we want it?! She was going to call me today.
At first I said awesome, great...we'll take it. She gave us a choice of MWF or M-TH and I need to let her know tomorrow. But, even while we were talking my stomach sank. I don't know why other than I think I've realized maybe now mama's the one not ready. It feels so fast...I just got my mind around thinking about school for the Fall and now, she could go in a week or so.  On the way home tonight I thought about what would happen if she went to school and was upset crying and I wasn't there to comfort her? I actually started crying myself thinking of her being sad w/out me. I'm so much more of a mama bear than I was even aware of i.e. I don't want anyone to be mean to her, tease her, be ugly to her....I know that's not real world, life...but at home I can protect her from all of that. At school....I can not.
I know I've been slow to transition from things: like she still sleeps in her crib (however she just started crawling out on a regular basis so we are going to look for a big girl bed soon), I still let her have a bottle, she didn't potty train until age 3...oh yes, I forgot to say she is fully potty trained!! No more diapers during the day--just overnight, and many mornings she is dry. But to jump from her being home all the time to now going to school....it just feels like....all grown up already.

So, I researched this afternoon what is better, 3 days/week or more or less and mostly it depends on the child.  I've decided I will take her, the nanny, my son, and I over there tomorrow to get the paperwork and just see how she reacts. Maybe they will let her go in a classroom or something. Tonight she told me she wasn't old enough for school (I've been telling her she can go when she's 4)....but then I said guess what, 3 year olds can go too--she said wait, I'm 3! I said YES, that means you can go now if you want to. She said it sounded like fun.
This coming from the child who also said to me tonight when we were doing bedtime talk....wait, I'm not finished with you yet! When I was trying to tell her it was nigh-night time :)

What happened to preschool that's conducted in someone's basement (oh yeah, that's the midwest) and there were like 10 kids total in the class and it cost close to nothing.....??
Think best thing to do is just go see what we think. It's not a permanent decision i.e. if it doesn't work, we don't sign up, or if we do I can always pull her out if it's not working.

I started to put away our holiday stuff and I couldn't resist sharing this picture...we've gone to see Santa every year and this year both kids decided sticking their tongue out was cool.

2016...Hello!

The Sunday we were coming back home my son sounded like a dog/seal when he tried to breathe in. The entire night before we were up all night--my son coughing and me worried sick. Took him to urgent care--croup.

Poor baby.

Upon reflection the least stressful time we had was the drive over. It was a rough few days. My son was crying almost non-stop which makes me very anxious. It was hard to relax when I knew he was feeling so bad and the only thing that worked consistently was feeding him.

Croup, constipated, no sleep, rash, lump, teething. That'll do it.

I'm worried about him now because he's thinning out very quickly--I know he is growing but I think stopping the dairy milk has made him not get enough fat in his diet.

And my girl--try this one on. We are waiting to hear back on a culture for chicken pox!!

Sure enough when we came back from our trip she had these little red bumps all over--I noticed a few on her neck before we left but thought they were just bites. Since many more popped up over several days took her to pediatrician this past Tuesday. They weren't sure so we could either do blood work or go dermatologist. They suggested derm because if not chicken pox they not sure what it is. We've been putting calamin.e lotion on and they look much better these last few days. Derm doesn't think that's what they are but we shall see.

I recently told our nanny we need to stop going to the public play place and the bouncy place they go to for awhile. That has to be where they are picking up all of this crap. It's been constant sickness since October and it's exhausting for all of us. Stomach bugs, nasty virus took us to ER, colds, runny noses, fevers, croup, bumps....

It is hello 2016--2015 was a rough year for me.

Started with looking for new job.

Started said job in April--everyone was sick, I had strep, even the cat was sick.

Relocated family to temporary apartment.

Hired a new nanny--transition w my girl when I went back to work was beyond tough.

Switched to another new nanny.

Bought a house that needed an entire house renovation--no regrets just a lot of work. Did that may-August.

Relocated the family again into our house.

Switched to our third nanny.

My eye/health scare. Drs appts, mri, the waiting and waiting. This is a small sentence but overshadowed a lot of my year. Sept got false frightening news and turns out not correct. Still just diagnosed w benign eye condition.

My sister's surgery that could have gone better--what we did for thanksgiving.

Our first ER visit in October-My children have been sick w something on and off for last 3 months all October-December. 

If I need to wonder why I was so tired this year and not beat myself up over still having boxes in the front living room I'll just read this again.

There were several bright spots--my son took his first steps this past week!! Guess he figured at 14 mo it was time.

My girl has changed from a toddler to a little girl--her thoughts continue to amaze me. We've had true FUN as a family of 3. When we all laugh together....family dinners at the table. Some of my favorite moments this year are being at the park pushing both my babies and hearing their squeals. And I can't forget having one baby snuggled on the left and my other baby snuggled in the right, both in my lap drinking bottles. Okay that will be a goal for 2016.

I'll save my thoughts for this new year  for another post.

Favorite xmas gift-skates!

Molars and Merry Christmas

I'm sitting here in the bed early Christmas morning--one of the benefits of posting from a phone.

I almost want to call my title to this post an oxymoron. Merry and molars. Nope not in this house.

My son has two lumps in his lower gums that have caused him to cry and fuss almost nonstop all day yesterday--except when he napped for 3 hours thank you universe for him having that break.

He's nawing his own hands screaming at times. Last night he was up every few hours. Every few hours.

I'm exhausted.

He's just in rough shape--the teething, he's got a rash that won't quit so saw dr and now referred to allergist possibly dairy, a lump on side of head where he conked it on tub spout, and a partridge in a pear tree.

We drove to our old city left wed night at 7 pm assuming they would sleep. It was the only way I could get my mind around driving w 2 babies by myself for hours.

Overall the drive went just fine they slept for the most part--until we hit an accident and everyone put it in park. Set us back an hour or so. So we didn't get here until around 1 am. Kids wound up so we all didn't get to sleep until 2-ish. Son up every few hours then too.

Just a few minutes ago I had to decide between pee on my shirt or some sweat from the day before. I chose sweat.

I brought all of our presents with us but had NO IDEA how much our former babysitter (where we are staying) would buy for the kids. It's over the top and I'm feeling bad that I got her teenage daughter one present--a measly gift card.

Embarrassed to say this but early this morning my old babysitter took my soon to go get some ty.len.ol--Motrin not working one bit--I opened her daughters present and changed out the gift card from 20 to 40. I had no idea she would have all of our stockings filled and presents galore under the tree. Even for my one year old son. 

I got my son his first pair of shoes. That's it. No toys--we have too many. No fun things like puffs or anything.

He'll play with the paper and boxes.

Now my girl it's been great (minus a meltdown at bedtime last night where I lost my temper and I felt bad since it was xmas eve--I always apologize to her. She said it makes her upset when I'm upset with her. Aww I know punkin) Aside from that she's been so happy and no fussies and just fun to be around. She's full of excitement about xmas, presents, lights, decorating cookies, seeing everyone here--hasn't seen our other old babysitter and her girls for months. Just so fun--lots of hugs and I love yous.

Not sure what today will bring but we'll make the best of it to have a great time and maybe I can sneak a nap in there😉

Why is it?

Parenting. I've done a lot of thinking about this over the last few weeks. Mainly because what I'm doing isn't working for my girl. Now of course she is a threenager, spirited, and all those things. But I feel more and more I'm at a loss for how to handle situations. Often in the moment I find myself asking--uh what should I do now--leave the room,stay?

I'm all for empathetic parenting, giving choices, letting kids blossom with the personality they were born with etc.

But....

When I'm spending more time losing my temper than enjoying things, somethings gotta give. Take today for example...I can almost bet each time we play outside in the afternoon there will be a meltdown. It starts out fun, exciting, we play soccer, etc than the minute I ask her to do something she doesn't want to do--starts the slide. "No. I don't WANT to. That's frustrating me". All I've asked her to do is sit down and have a snack.

Then it starts full on battle. She gets more and more defiant--I get more and more frustrated. Then I finally say we're done outside. Cue major crying now. I pick up everything including her because she won't move. She's kicking. My son starts crying.  We've had several afternoon scenarios like this and I've just had it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. 

And today I just full on lost my temper. It doesn't happen very often but I was just seeing red. I got so frustrated with the battles and the defiance and the constant behavior she saves for me--and I know that's true because it's like a switch with the nanny. That's partly what made me SO mad today. They had a great time, she's calm, laughing, rainbows--okay a little dramatic. After nanny leaves that may last for 5 minutes then it's like a different kid again.

Is it attention? Is it she can fully let her guard down i.e. mamas safe? Maybe this is just normal and no matter what I do it won't matter?

So something I've been wondering--just came to me tonight--maybe I'm too passive? I spend so much time trying to get her to decide she should do something that maybe I've limited my own authority? When I ask her to do something sometimes it's a yes, but often it's just NO. If she says no I try and talk her into it like Cmon, let's get your shoes, time to go. Hoping she'll change her mind and do it if I don't get upset, etc. and if she doesn't I end up frustrated and/ or doing it for her. 

Basically she's learned she doesn't have to listen to me.

So tonight I said that's enough and laid down the law--sort of. When we were doing bath I said it's time to wash hair--No. Normally I'd say now what side do you want to do it--yadda yadda. But tonight I said yes we are. You can help or I will do it for you. She fought so I just wet her hair/ washed it and it was done in 2 seconds. I said she needs to listen or mama will have to do it for her.

Same thing getting ready for bed. Didn't want Jammie's etc --ran into the tent--so I said if she didn't want to listen I'd have to do it myself. Done in 2 minutes.

Not saying I'm going to continue with that approach but I think I need to figure out how to make sure she understands mama is in charge. And it felt good to say this is what we are going to do and just did it.

I'm goin to do more research but I think back to the nanny show I watched all the time--even before I had kids. I used to just say omg look at those kids--and the parents let them get away with that! 

Well.....

I know she put house rules, had a calm down corner, etc. maybe I need to do something like that. Discipline by redirecting or convincing or putting in her room for 30 seconds just isn't working.

It's not all frustrating! We had a lot of fun yesterday and went in our bike trailer--really like this thing--to the park and the store in afternoon. My son decided he liked it once we got going.

Bah-Humbug

I wish I didn't feel this way but today there wasn't one ounce of me that had a spark for the holiday. It totally just snuck up on me this year. It's December 13 and I finally forced myself to go get a tree. Our nanny threatened to go do it if I didn't....that's not good, is it? :) When I got home it was raining, cold....and this new awesome tree stand wasn't so awesome. My nanny and I fiddled with it for half an hour and finally got it to stand in there (by adding toy blocks) and not fall over! Meanwhile my son decided it was time to poop. And cry. A lot.  There are no ornaments yet, but by this evening it had lights and a tree skirt.

My girl just HAD to hang our cat's stocking. Pretty clever, it's in the fireplace keyhole.

Not sure what it is, but it's not just the holidays....it's a lot.  This blog, for example....I've steadily declined the number of posts such that I'm only posting 1-2 a month...if that.  For some reason even posting feels like something else 'to do', and I just don't have the energy to put forth.
To my credit, no shocker, but it's been pretty stressful these last several weeks. I don't even know where I left off last time, but we ended up staying at home for Thanksgiving. My sister decided she was going to have some additional skin surgery here (she had weight loss surgery about 5 years ago).....I initially knew it was going to be tough. Taking care of my sister in addition to a 3 year old and 1 year old. Oh, and work too.
She flew down the Sunday before Thanksgiving. I'm still pretty upset w/ her because a week before she had texted me at 4 in the morning just spewing 'stuff'....like how she isn't happy w/ things in her life, yadda yadda, but then she said she still isn't happy about the fact that she is not my children's guardian. The reality is she has a hard time keeping herself healthy, let alone taking care of anyone else. I just don't see her being maternal--she would really be upset for me saying, but she has a lot of characteristics of my Dad. She can be selfish, moody, etc.. In any event, it really bothered me because I felt like even texting at 4 am was selfish i.e. hello...I woke up...read text...wondered what the heck was going on. And I am usually the one to address issues....say hey, let's talk, didn't like where we left things, etc.. but this time I held my ground. I just got tired of playing peacemaker.
And guess what? We barely talked for 2 days before her surgery.

So, she got here on Sunday, pre-op Monday, surgery on Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Then they kept her overnight for pick up on Wednesday.  I was with her the day of surgery and went to get her the next day. She had her thighs done and breast lift. When I saw her, her right leg looked kind of swollen but I didn't think anything of it. She was wrapped pretty good w/ bandages, drains. Well, once I took her home she continued to be in quite a bit of pain. Her leg looked just awful....major purplish--almost blackish area along incision, big blisters all along her leg. She needed a lot of wound care--there was a lot of bleeding throughout the days--and help just getting up. I texted and called the Dr.and he decided he wanted to see her on Thanksgiving--his office an hour away.

Here's where I mentioned taking care of a 3 year old and 1 year old was hard....my nanny had off Thanksgiving and that Friday. So, it was just us. I even texted nanny out of desperation--my sister could barely walk--but she had her entire family with her. So, only option was to load up the kids and head down to the Dr. I had ordered a premade thanksgiving meal from the grocery store and it sat there until Sunday.

The picture in last post was my son on the floor at the Dr's office. That's how we spent our holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving. Running up and down the Dr office hallway.

Mmmm...puffs.

Make a long story short she had a 'bleeder' in her leg that didn't heal correctly so her leg filled up w/ fluids-that's what caused the blistering too. He got some out while we were at the office and wanted to see how that went. Well, she was still in a lot of pain so he wanted to see her again on that Sunday/or Saturday can't remember now. Drove another hour back down there and while it looked a bit better she was still in a lot of pain so he decided he just needed to go back in and do surgery again. oh. em. gee.
So, we did a same day surgery. When does that even happen? It took all day.....good news my old nanny had come to visit so she had the kids and I wasn't completely losing my mind.

When I was taking care of my sister my girl couldn't have been any more sweet. She wanted to put on rubber gloves anytime I did when I was cleaning/wrapping the wounds. She kept asking my sister how her bo-bo was? She would bring her stuffed animals to sit next to her.....she said "that would make her feel better". It was just so sweet. She said she was NURSE and was a big helper.

In the meantime I was supposed to be preparing to fly to the field for my job that Tuesday. I was so stressed trying to figure out who/how/what all that was going to work. Thankfully at the last minute we decided it would be better for me to go the following week.

I did go on work trip last week, went Monday morning and got home Wednesday night. It was sun up to sun down work when we were out there so I came back just exhausted--lived on caffeine for the week. I'm trying to detox from that, so it may have something to do w/ it. In addition, the minute I landed Monday morning I got a text from my nanny asking about urgent care for my girl. WHAT? Apparently she had blood in her urine and was crying because she said it hurt to go potty.  How's that for freakin a mama out when she's a thousand miles away?!  Nanny took her to the Dr. and they assumed u.ti....but culture came back clear. She still was complaining so nanny took her back Wednesday and they did another culture...just was called on Friday and it was clear too she told us to stop antibiotics, no infection. Jeepers. Just some irritation that had the same symptoms.

So as not to focus on all of the stressful parts of life, I've been keeping a log of funny/cute things happening in our life on my phone because I haven't gotten around to blogging about it.

My girl:
--She's picking up so many words and using them in the right context. We were in the 'big bath' and had lots of bubbles. I was trying to scoop them away and she cried, "No, not my collection!".  She was making shadows on her wall and I asked her if it was a dog...she said nope, it's a woodpecker.
--We were watching a show on p.b.s...the only channel we watch and it showed a shark. She said no, it was a whale. Whales have little holes on top and blow water. Watching another show and she exclaims, hey, that's earth!  How does she learn this stuff?
--We do a version of cin.der.ella story every night..I've slowly shortened it so now we go through it in about 2 minutes. The other night I was telling her how after the clock says dong, dong, dong....she runs down the stairs and her glass slipper comes off. She turns to me and says that cin.der.ella should have worn sandals. I asked her why? She said because they don't fall off!! I laughed out loud on that one.....
--I've played a joke w/ her for a long time now....I'll say hey, guess what?  She'll say wha?.  Then I say "I love you." The other day we were riding home, just she and I from somewhere and she says "Mommy, guess what?"  I wasn't even thinking about it and said , "What?". She said, "I WUV YOU"! She got me! She giggled so hard on that one.
--She used to earn treats during bath...if she misbehaved I would say you have 2 left. Then 1, then zero. When we were reading a book the other day the number 10 came up, I said one and zero is ten. She says, "zero means no sugar ice cream"!  Well, yes it did!

Now, her behavior.....that's been so so challenging. Today in fact I just threw up my hands. I don't know what to do. When she is the least bit tired, hungry, or something, her attitude w/ me (not the nanny of course, saves it for me) goes in the tank. So when she feels like this and I tell her No for something. Just look out. Today it was chocolate chip cookies. Our neighbors brought some over and I let her have two.  A few minutes later she asked for more...I said no, I already let you have two. Well, you'd have thought I told her she couldn't eat for a year. But she WANTED a cookie.....starts yelling, then tries to get the container from me. I say stop....she immediately says NO. Her favorite phrase..." I don't WANT to". I calmly explain that she can't have any more----forget about it. Tantrum here it comes. What gets me going when this happens is the backtalk....When I say stop, or please don't or whatever she comes back w/ a sharp No. And the hitting. She knows that is totally unacceptable but she does it anyway. When she gets in her mood, she just does it.
I'm at a loss w/ what to do when she's like this. If I dig in my heels, she just digs in harder. If I ignore it, she continues to scream, then hit, or whatever to get my attention. If I remove her to her room she kicks the door, screams, throws things...I tell her she can come out when she calms down and says yes ma'am. That's my new trick that works sometimes. She's a negotiator...so when I catch myself arguing I just say yes ma'am. She says it back...and that means it's the end of the conversation. Sometimes it works.
I really just want a day where there are no mood swings, no tantrums, no backtalking.....just an easy day. Her behavior sometimes makes it so. dang. hard sometimes. Exhausting.

My son
My son has reverted. For weeks he has been soooo fussy....cries on/off a lot of the day. Like he's a newborn again. He's never been good w/ teething....and December 1 was his first molar that poked through the top. The four corners and redness make me understand that I'm sure it hurts.  Then, the one on the other side poked through as well. Those suckers are big. So he now has 6 teeth on top and only 2 still on the bottom.
--He's interacting more and more....we sing the "I love you, you lov.e me" song and at the end we say BOM BOM.  Well, he's started saying it when we get close to the end of the song. It's so dang cute.
--He does Kisses! I say kiss-kiss and he'll lean in w/ a big slobbery kiss on the cheek.
--He's started to have separation anxiety. This poor baby when I walk towards the door he crawls as fast as he can (and sometimes hits the floor) to try and catch me. After I go out he just sits there and wails.  Not for long, but it is just so sad.
--He can stack blocks! He puts his wooden blocks on top of each other. When he does it, I clap so proudly and he looks up w/ a big 'ole grin.
--He still likes to be held. He is definitely a hip baby. That's one of the few things to do to get him to stop fussing. Just stand up--can't sit of course--and hold him.
--I thought we were on a roll and stopped formula. Super excited for the cost savings. However, either coincidentally, or not.....the minute we went to milk full time he had some major stomach issues....weird though....constipation, diarrhea, normal....all mixed up. For a week or so. So I called the Dr. and she said it could be a tummy bug, or the milk. So, just go back to formula for a week or so and see how it goes. I've been too nervous to put him back to milk completely so we've been doing formula again mixed w/ some bottles of almond milk...which is what my girl and I drink. Tummy is better so I suppose we should try again.
--He loves to: crawl over me when I am laying on the floor, go immediately to the toilet any chance he can get, be insistent on going in whatever direction he set out to go (if you say no or turn him around, screeches), climbing on his sister, flipping through books, crawling super super fast (not walking yet), feeding himself (he's now loving to eat table food like black beans, eggs, pears...tried hot dog the other day....cheese, corn, peas etc.) He's almost turning away spoon fed food more than not.

We had our photo session in October and I was a bit disappointed in how it turned out.  My son didn't look happy in most of them. She tried to photo-shop but it ended up just looking odd. There just wasn't a family one that I Loved...or one w/ the two of them that I loved (where you could see both of their faces anyway). The deal was you paid for a mini-session, then got the original jp.egs. She offered to do a re-do session, so we did. There still isn't a family one I plan to blow up for on top of the fireplace, but there are some cute ones and we can certainly make some xmas cards.

Testing

Testing from phone post.

When it rains.....

A week before Halloween we had a rough week with sickness....my son had thrown up, my girl then got the throw ups, then they both had nose/chest colds for about a week (I might be convinced it came from the library) Then the holiday came.  In all honestly, I was not looking forward to it because it was hot, it started at 6pm which is right when we normally do bath, etc..I thought all day how I would really rather it be at 4pm when it's still light--and fit better into our day.
Our babysitter brought her 2 kids, her niece and nephew, her husband, and I went with my two little ones to a neighborhood not too far from my house. Apparently my babysitter had gone there in year's past and liked it a lot.  I had no idea how they would do i.e. would baby girl like it, would she be afraid, would my son melt down in the stroller in five minutes, would I get too hot????

Turns out, WE HAD A GREAT TIME!!!!!  My girl LOVED trick or treating....she wanted to hold my hand at the first house, so we walked up, she shyly said trick or treat, got some candy, said thank you, and we ran back down. She was so excited to get that candy! She said, "Can we do another one mama?". I said of course....so we did another..and another....and after every one she'd want to show her treats to our babysitter and ask if we can do another? She was just delighted. I was so excited/happy to see her so excited.

We also had a ton of fun with the costumes....I had purchased the penguin outfit on clearance last year for 10 bucks. Thought it was so darn cute. And the elephant, we actually had that from her FIRST halloween and she wanted to wear it again. We had a dorothy costume all ready to go that a friend had given us and she wanted nothing to do w/ it. Elephant it was.

Couldn't decide. Penguin or Elephant. How about both! I love the hair poof.

Happy Trick or Treaters!!

And now for the rain.....

When we got back from trick or treating my girl got in my lap and just didn't want to move. That was certainly unusual behavior. We took a shower and she said she was cold during the shower....and shivering a bit. Okay, clearly she was starting not to feel well. I gave her a bit of mo.trin before bed and hoped next day better.
Well, when she woke up on Sunday she was pretty warm. The babysitter was here so I ran to the grocery store, and when I came back and felt her forehead she was burning up. Just on fire....she had been falling asleep off and on in the chair and that was not normal for her at all during the day. As soon as I saw her I knew we should go to urgent care. I bundled her up, jammies and all, and off we went.

When they took her temperature there it was 104.7. WHAT?! They checked her for strep which was negative, gave her some motri.n, and said I could watch her at home (uh not w/ that kind of fever) or take her to a satellite ER place not attached to a hospital. Had never to been to one before but they said they send patients there a lot so I said fine, we would go there. They had checked her temp before we left and it was only down to 104.4 so I was not comfortable taking her home, off to ER we go.

We get there and they take all her vitals...her heart rate was high, she was dehydrated a bit even w/ her drinking fluids over last several days....they weren't sure if she had infection or viral so because of her being sick for all of the week they wanted to rule out lung. I questioned them on this because they wanted to do a chest xray--it seemed a bit much considering I didn't hear wheezing/etc and her cough hadn't been 'yucky', but given how she was doing I finally said fine, go ahead.  We also did a urine.....imagine having a major fever, being three, and having to do these tests.....not fun. At all.  It's kind of running together with the sequence but the Dr. also tapped on her back/kidney and she said it hurt. They asked us to do another urine. Why I have no idea but it was not easy to convince her to do the first one let alone the second. She was feeling so sick and her little body was so hot when I was holding her.
The Dr. comes back in and says he thinks we need to take her to the Children's hospital.....of course then I'm starting to panic a bit.....he said that because of her heart rate, her dehydration (he put his finger on her heel and counted after pressing--guess if it takes a little bit, it means no good). And not only should she go to the hospital but she should go over by ambulance.
Uh, what? My gut was saying that was totally unnecessary.....she was conscious, they hadn't done any fluids, etc.. so why would they need to do that?  They said that they needed to start fluids/antibiotics right away and they leave in for trip over to hospital. I asked a ton of questions like why would we start fluids now at all...why wouldn't I just take her over to children's ER and do whatever they needed there?  Also, I didn't want to add something else that might be traumatic for her.  Then he brought the full court press about how if it was his child he would use ambulance, kids crash fast and you don't want your kid to be one of them, he even drew on the bed where he showed adults have a gradual decline, but children don't, etc. After telling them a few times I would go against medical advice and just take her I finally wore down and said fine.

So, that meant next step was to start antibiotic/fluids....which meant I.V.  The nurse had me hold her legs and other nurse had her up top...she tried to get the I.V on one arm but no good....my girl was screaming, of course...but had the nurse gotten it on the first try it might not have been so bad.....but since she didn't, my girl knew what was coming and just melted down. She was pleading w/ them not to do it.....Doctor! Please!...No shots.....it absolutely positively broke my heart. I was trying to be so brave for her but I broke down in tears....just couldn't help it. There is not much worse on earth than seeing your baby in pain, screaming, frightened, sick, pleading.....and you can't fix it. Awful.
And she didn't get it on the second try on the other arm!! I said NO, enough.....we aren't doing it again. Enough. They left the room and I finally got her calmed down.....poor poor baby. At this point my girl was just exhausted.....they initially said the ambulance would come in 20 minutes but almost an hour later we were still there.  They came to check her temp and it had gone down a lot....the earlier medicine must have now just kicked in. I still kept questioning the ambulance, the need for it, etc... but just as I was about to say forget they showed up. So, we loaded up and off we went to the children's hospital.

I am realizing how long this story is getting so I'll shorten it here.....we got there, they put us in triage, and guess what? Sent us right out front to wait w/ the rest of the people. Even though we were brought by ambulance. I KNEW that was unnecessary.
We waited soooo long for them to call us--and while we waited they had us do yet another! urine sample....and finally get taken to a back room.
Once hooked up to machines it showed her heart rate pretty high again.....and her fever was starting to come back up. Dr. wasn't sure bacteria or viral (her urine looked 'suspicious' and they sent off for culture) so she wanted to start on antibiotics. We waited to see if her heart rate would come down just by adding some bottle/popsicle fluids but no good.  Unfortunately that meant I.V fluids/start anti were necessary.

By now we had been to the urgent care, ER #1, an ambulance, and now here. My girl and I were both exhausted.....they had already tried twice at other ER to do it.... and now had to try again.  This time since it was a children's hospital they have different techniques i.e. they rolled her up like a burrito and left one arm out...but they still had one nurse at her head and I was on her legs.....she just fought and fought. By now she knew it hurt. DOCTOR...please...NO! I want the cold stuff! ( the alcohol before the needle)...I WANT BANDAID...no please!! The nurse was trying to distract her by asking what color bandaid, etc..I am caressing her head, telling her I know its scary, we need to help her, I'm here for her, etc....
Just plain awful......and they didn't get it AGAIN!!! I couldn't believe it. Basically she was dehydrated so it was hard to do. They just moved on to the other arm, in her hand.....and finally got it in.  When they said all done, my girl told them in a little voice...thank you. After all that trauma and for her to say thank you because it was over.....oh, this poor child.

I laid in the bed with her while we waited for the fluids to go....and she snuggled right into me.....

THANKFULLY the fluids started working and her heart rate came back down....and after an hour or so we got to go home.
However, a few hours later when we got up that morning I ended up taking her right to the pediatricians office because she had started doing this strange twitch in her face--I was so worried something was going on AND her fever was back. Thankfully they said not to worry about twitch and plan was to see what cultures showed. We battled fever for next several days while waiting for results.

Long story short--the cultures were clear...it was a nasty nasty virus.

I can't tell you how stressful these past few weeks have been......first time in the ER (two of them), first IV, many days of fever, not much food, not much sleep.....Thankfully she has pretty much recovered.

My son....a few days ago he had his first trip to urgent care as well....he had a bite on his leg, no big deal...but the next day (this past Friday) it had grown very red and a ring around it. After calling the nurse line they suggested taking him in.  long story short there--mosquito bites that his skin reacted to.

What a rough go. These are times when being a single parent is beyond tough. Thankfully my babysitter kept my son, spent the night, etc.. but just having someone with me would have helped a lot. I called and texted my old babysitter from old city and she helped me navigate and decide what to do all throughout, etc.. I was thankful for that support.