Holidays

Holidays can be great!!  AND......they can have a lot of hard moments mixed in with the great ones.

I just got a christmas card from Elaine. She is the mother of the 3 girls I grew up with in our small, tiny town. I think they moved there when their oldest (who is my age) was in 2nd grade. Of course having a class size of 33, you get to know all the kids and all the families really well throughout the years. And yes, everyone knows your business.  I played sports growing up, which started in junior high. I was always playing with the 3 girls as they were right next to each other in age my age, one year younger, then one year younger than that. We played track, basketball, volleyball, and softball--all sports, all year long. We would sometimes carpool to games--I remember being in their suburban driving home one winter evening after a game, my mom in the front passenger seat,and it was so cold, snowy, and icy that we slid off the road. Elaine simply put the suburban in 4 wheel drive and back on the road we went. We also had sleep overs at their house in their basement...I remember their Dad was always a goofball and somewhere along the way I got the nickname "sleaze". Of course meant in the most endearing way.  Elaine was the secretary at the school so I literally saw her everyday my whole school life. Throughout the years of me moving around pre-kids, when I would fly home I would always go visit them and keep them updated on life. I went to their oldest daughter's wedding (which she has since divorced long ago and recently got remarried)--and her daughter is now married! 

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm less close with the girls and it's really been Elaine that I've stayed in close touch with over time. There's something about the bond you build with people who knew you since you were a small child. Nothing now can mirror that history. She's definitely a motherly figure who's remained constant. She knew my mom really well and that bond is there too.

Elaine has always sent birthday cards and christmas gifts to the kids since they've been born. It always warms and touches my heart that she always includes us in celebration. Last year when we went home to stay with my sister my kids actually got to meet her at the farm of my 4th grade teacher. She had aged a lot since the last time I had seen her--she's in her 70's now. She had struggled with weight and was very heavy for a number of years...had surgery, lost, then gained, then lost again....I know the feeling.

Well, Elaine sent us a Christmas card and I've been crying ever since I opened it.  She put a short note in there that she might not have thought twice about....it said "Hi kiddo, To one of my favorite daughters. Come visit. I meant it."

It absolutely struck me how long it had been since I read the word daughter.......and it meant me.

I just started crying and haven't stopped since.  My heart strings were tugged and lots of emotions surfaced about missing my mom. And it's just all spilled out.

It probably doesn't help that I'm probably a bit vulnerable as my son has been really sick these last few days....started friday of last week and has gotten progressively worse by the day. He's not sleeping, coughing. I took him to Dr. yesterday and he does not have strep, and we didn't test for flu since it's been over the 48 hours so the course of treatment wouldn't change anyway. He's missed school all this week. 

So yeah, holidays can be amazing...and hard...and great..all at the same time.