Age 8

I want to be sure to get at least one post a month. I've been thinking ALL month I know the perfect title for this post. Age 8.  Why is it the perfect title?  Because it literally is the least favorite age of both of my kids so far. Without a doubt.

Of course as my daughter is now 10, this means that it's my son...age 8.  He turned 8 in October and it didn't seem to be much of an issue, not much was different from when he was 7....however, I would say in December when he got his orthotic exapander things have been downhill since.  It's been miserable for our entire house. I can't necessarily attribute it all to the orthodontia.  It's been a shift in personality and behaviors too.

For personality, this kid used to be my lovey, cuddly, can't get enough hugs from mom. Since he was born he was always affectionate, liked to be where I was, would wake up multiple times and come and find me, etc.. But this has changed. I've noticed a distinct difference in his wanting to get as much affection as he used to. He still does ask to sit with me while we watch shows at night, will ask me to hold his hand sometimes when going to sleep....but more often than not, he's spending most of his time being fussy. He used to be the easier one to parent, but not now....hey boy. To be fair, this last month he's been sick with pink eye, strep, and for the last 2 weeks a viral cough thing that sounds very croupy. He still hasn't shaken that.  But over the last week he's had more tantrums--and I mean screaming, throwing things, shouting....then he's had in an entire year. It's been challenging...and exhausting. One night he was especially rude during tuck in time. I put them to bed and just came out to the living room and cried. He really hurt my feelings and I never would have thought he'd get that angry towards me.  I was so caught off guard that I just left his room...didn't really even know what to do. I talked to my sister the next day and she asked if he had been given a consequence? During the episode I did ask him if he had anything to say when he came out of his room and he apologized, but during the moment I didn't give him a consequence.  So, the next day I had him write an apology letter and lose 2 days of Ipad. That actually felt more of a punishment for me, because he absolutely was pissed off because he already had lost 1 day for taking his ipad to his friends house without asking, so now it was 3 days. In addition, because he was sick I wouldn't let him play with friends AND he didn't have IPad time.....so after getting his allergy shots on Tuesday we came home and it was the worst, most epic meltdown he's ever had. I didn't even know what to do...he's crying, screaming, etc. so I told him he needed to get into the bath...he fought me so hard on actually doing it, but when I was at a loss that always helped with his sister-- and eventually it helped him and he did ultimately calm down. But it took awhile.

The tantrum behavior is in addition to the fact that he is not listening. To anything really. He'll be taunting his sister by putting his feet in her face, as an example. I'll say please stop. He'll keep them there an extra second to see what will happen. Today when they were going to his friends house to swim I asked them to come towards me in the back yard so I could put sunscreen on....I asked him to take off his helmet so I could do his face and he just stands there. I said again, take off the helmet. I then shouted and then he ended up doing it. After typing this out I clearly should have handled things differently. I should have said ok, if you don't take off your helmet, you can't go swimming. Crap, I got sucked in to the fight. I think that's it, he's CLEARLY testing boundaries at every turn and I'm not managing it very well. I've lost my patience with him not listening to anything--or really it's him choosing not to do what I've asked. Maybe I need to have a talk w/ him and set him straight about ok, if you choose not to listen you will lose X. Ipad time seems to be the most valuable, so that might be the option. I think I've been swimming in frustration of it all and not stepping back to figure out a new game plan. I'm still in the game fighting.  See, this has been very helpful. New game plan coming soon.

My other issue w/ him is he doesn't clean up after himself. Like ever. It doesn’t matter how often I’ve reminded him to pick up his clothes, dishes, food, you name it. I still find myself reminding every single day. I feel like I'm following behind them all day and nagging them to clean up the banana peel someone left on the couch, the soccer socks in the living room, the dirty clothes on the floor next to the shower.  I had the idea of if I find 3 things of yours then you get a consequence. I actually don't like that and it didn't last long because it feels too negative. I'll have to figure out a way for them to earn/reward so it becomes more positive. Also in all fairness, his sister is the exact same way. you know she's been around because there's a trail of stuff everywhere.

The biggest issue that’s driving me nuts is he is relentless when I tell him no. For example, if he says hey mom, can I play with Matias? I say no. 5 minutes later, mom can I play with Matias? No. I already said no. Then he’s into writing notes again. Mom, can I play with Matias circle yes or no. And no usually has a crying face next to it. He just won’t stop and continues to ask over and over until I get mad. I literally feel like I’m on repeat with him and that is actually working me up even writing this out. Sigh.

So, these last few months it really has been hard with my son who's been fussy, rude, back-talking, irritable, silently provoking his sister regularly, shouting, and not listening.  Fun times.

In addition, it's been especially hard because as you know we adopted a new puppy, Hazel. Puppies are so much work. They are crazy, they nip, they don't sleep, they don't eat when they are supposed to, they actually bite you by accident, they poop in the house. There's been a few times now where I'm like omg, this is not for me.  My daughter was struggling too because while she likes playing with the dog some, she doesn't like the taking care of her part. We had a really deep conversation about it and I think it was hard for her to admit that it's hard and not what she expected. I've done a lot of reading and I think we have the puppy blues. Look it up, it's a real thing.  So, because it's been really really stressful I even offered up hey, why don't we think more about whether this is working and maybe do a cat? I know cats. And because my girl has been struggling too she came up w/ the plan that perhaps we can see if our neighbors who love dogs and lost both of theirs, but adopted one and usually like to have two, might be interested. To be honest it was a really smart plan i.e. she could still see the dog, love on her, but then say goodbye see ya tomorrow. I got really close to offering the neighbor for real, but then.......

Things have kind of shifted over the last few weeks (after a day I was losing my mind and was just mad at everything) First, I think Hazel has calmed down some and the nipping has subsided (a bit). She's allowed us to cuddle her more without all the nips, which makes it much more enjoyable to hold and pet her for all of us. I also think she's bonding a bit more w me and maybe me w/ her because when I came home from an errand my girl had put her in the back yard. When she heard my voice as I was coming to the fence she got all wiggly and her tail was wagging so much. She was happy to see me, and that in turn made me happy to see her. Also, we are getting into a better routine with how we manage our days. I still spend all day taking care of her, but I've been able to put her in the playpen and leave for awhile knowing she's safe.  And finally, I figured out that she sleeps much better if I leave her in the playpen (it's in the living room) and I go to bed in my room. I just thought to do that 3 nights ago and that first night she slept all night long! Now, unfortunately I don't sleep well in my bed and that is still on my list of needing to get an adjustable bed.....but in a way it's good for me to have better sleep hygiene i.e. actually get up and go to my bed to sleep at night instead of sleeping in the recliner or the couch. Oh, and i also researched dog trainers because I really don't know what I'm doing. Part of a trigger for frustration is when I feel out of control and don't know what to do. I've learned very quickly the private ones are very expensive. I called one and his program offered 4 in home training sessions, then group classes/group walks for a year...$995. Gulp. But, he was SO GOOD on the phone though talking about the psychology of dogs, why they do what they do, etc.. and offered up some tips for things we are struggling w/ now. I really liked him. So, it may be worth the investment. I'll have to think about it. I had called another woman a few weeks ago, and her prices were similar but it was like 6 sessions for $850 or 9 sessions for $1250, but she didn't seem very professional and I was not impressed. Maybe you get what you pay for here.  I did think about petco, etc. and we actually started a puppy training class a few weeks ago, but the training area was filthy (layers of dog hair so disgusting) and during the second class the trainer stopped class and told the other girl something was wrong w/ her dog and to take her to the emergency vet. Then proceeds to tell me it seemed neurological and perhaps due to parvo. What the crap. So many things wrong with all of that I told them thanks but no thanks.

Aside from my son and the dog, my girl seems to be doing pretty well. Other than being tired some she seems to be feeling pretty good and hasn't been nearly as sick as her brother. She's finishing up 5th grade and her elementary school. Hard to believe she will be in middle school in the Fall. WAH. She continues to grow taller and her legs keep stretching. She still likes her sugar and I've found that if I allow it some, it seems to help her. So, I've flexed as much as I'm comfortable with. She's really connected with her teachers throughout elementary and has been happy at school for the most part. She has friends and is confident. I don't believe she's struggled at all w/ being picked on for anything and for that I'm just grateful. She still struggles w/ anxieties, but it's not constant. She and I have actually spent more time together just bonding, watching shows together, she's wanted to sit on my lap more, etc. which I just love. It's been really nice now that I reflect. She and I have come a long way.

Now, if I can just get on a better groove w/ my son, keep things improving w/ the dog, and keep my girl in a positive space, we will be doing better. Personally, I am doing pretty well. I've started an online app for weight loss and I really really like it. I've been doing it since April 12th and it's pretty simple--calorie counting, but there's a lot of psychology behind eating, behaviors, food, etc. that it teaches you. You take quizzes, etc. and it's kinda fun. In 2 1/2 weeks I've lost 6 lbs and it feels good. Plan to keep the streak going. 

Up next, school will be out in 4 weeks. I've got a few things planned for summer like both will be in basketball camp, my son will go to GT (gifted talented) camp, speech camp, and my girl will go to VBS (vacation bible school camp), and I'm sure I'll get them into a few other things. Keeping them busy is totally the plan. I'm going to continue working on renovations in my own home (getting bids on taking down the fireplace that's in the middle between my kitchen and living room just taking up space so I can have a massive island and better function). I've decided to update the kitchen and then repaint. After that will be all new furniture. It's embarrassing how bad the furniture is now...there's a hole in the couch the dog continues to get stuffing from. These projects seem to take forever.

PS I went back into this post to edit a few things this evening and my girl comes out saying she’s not feeling right. She’s been complaining since Friday of her chest feeling tight, she’s been really tired these last several days, and worried more than usual-afraid of the dark, etc. Seems she’s getting increased physical and emotional anxiety symptoms. I rocked her in the recliner and did some deep breathing with her, explained likely she’s feeling anxious, tried a grounding exercise—tell me something you can see, etc. then went into her room, sat on the floor and held her hand. Thought we had it so came back out and here she comes again. My next thought was to let her eat a snack, so cheese stick and back to bed. Will see how it goes…..

Parenting is not for wimps.