Merry Xmas and Happy New Year

I’m so happy to say that our last few months have been really really good.  Knock on wood everyone finally is healthy for a few weeks now and we got to just enjoy the holidays. I couldn’t have been more proud of myself—I was finished shopping before Dec 24, AND…..I wrapped everything before Dec 24. That is major folks. Just major. I actually started shopping in October. Normally I’m all stressed, scrambling to get exactly what I’m looking for, feverishly wrapping the night of xmas eve after church service. That’s the normal schedule.

It just felt so smooth this year….I think part of my strategy was to start early and outsource. My daughter loves wrapping so I asked her if she wanted to wrap all of my gifts to my sister. She of course said yes, so she and I did it together. There is no doubt she will be a leader someday. She wanted me to ‘help’, but when I tried to do a few things she got frazzled and she just said, ‘Can you just watch?’. Lol.

 The one thing I struggled with was outfits….my girl is very particular and of course for both not all sizes are created equal. I felt like I purchased (and returned) a ton of things because they just didn’t work. My son has thick legs and so the skinnier jean trend just doesn’t work for him. I wanted the outfits for 3 reasons, 1) In the past I’ve done mini professional photo sessions in October and this was one thing I wasn’t on the ball about. So, last year and this year I used my ‘good’ camera and went to a local park to take our xmas card picture, and then I usually make a few prints and make kitchen magnets as well to give as gifts. 2) Pictures with Santa and 3) Christmas eve church service.

 For pictures with Santa, I was totally on the ball w/ this as well because I scheduled a visit ahead of time and remembered to do it! So we had a reservation and on Dec 17 so it was a quick pop in and a short wait. As usual, my son expressed his displeasure about the experience—I think almost every year before this one he’s been crying and fussing in the line, which to be fair almost every year he’s been sick around xmas time.  The good thing is this Santa is my favorite and he’s been doing it for years and he’s out at our mall. I have to say I was a bit sad because my daughter said she wasn’t too into Santa pictures this year as we were riding over. Actually, the only reason I every did them every year was because she got so excited to do them. I’m not sure why other than she said she doesn’t like getting ‘dressed up’ because I usually make her wear her gorgeous curls down. It gets in her face, so 99.9% of the time she wears her hair in a ponytail.

 Christmas eve service was just ok….there are some new pastors and I can’t say I’m a fan. We go once a year and my hope is to leave feeling a bit uplifted, however this one pastor kept saying how he knows how everyone’s life is a ‘mess’, we all have ‘struggles’…..by far my life is not a mess. I understand his point, but it just rubbed me a kind of way hearing it over and over when honestly I think life is going pretty great.

 Xmas day went well, my sister cooked a prime rib, we made a potato casserole, and some vegs. Of course sparkling grape juice.  The entire trip with my sister went the best I think it has. There were no issues/confrontations/moods/lashing out. It was even and positive, which is all I’ve ever wanted from her. She’s working on building her relationship w/ my son because he’s still a bit wary of her tone, etc. Also, I realized she has a more authoritarian style than I do, which he’s not used to at all…..but they played Yahtzee together and talked a few times so I think it was good.

One of the best hits of presents was the game of LIFE. My girl played it at her friends house and now both my son and my girl play together (gasp) and really enjoy it. I love to see them playing more together and not bicker all. The. Time.

 Oh, right before xmas on December December 16^th and December 19^th my son is now officially in his ortho phase 1.  I decided on a new orthodontist this time—she’s the sister of our pediatric dentist. She recommended an expander for 9 months and after the first 4 months, she’ll put braces on the top 4 teeth, and possibly the bottom 4 teeth. This is done supposedly to widen the palate then let it fuse in place. This will create spacing for all the teeth to be able to drop in. In theory, I understand how it’s supposed to work….in practice, my son has a metal contraption glued to both sides of his upper teeth and runs along the top, but not all the way to the top. He’s had it in about a week and half and let’s just say that hasn’t been so smooth.  On the 16^th they put in these ‘spacers’ on his back teeth to prepare for the install. Then on the 19^th, they installed/glued the expander in. I didn’t immediately connect it, but he has been very….very….very fussy since then.  He’s not complained it hurts, so I didn’t think it was bothering him. But, it clearly has been. They said it should stop ‘bothering’ him after at least 2 weeks, so we will see.  He had to relearn how to swallow, and he’s not swallowing as much so his spit collects and I have to remind him to swallow. In addition, it is affecting his speech which I’m sure his speech therapist at school will love.  I can only hope this was the right thing to do, as I didn’t love for my girl she had a whole set of braces on her pretty straight teeth on the top and the bottom just to make room for a tooth, and she’ll likely need another set of braces when all her teeth come in because they aren’t completely straight anymore. We will see how this approach goes. The next step is after a month, we start to use a key to make quarter turns in it everynight until it gets as wide as it is supposed to. My question is….so how does the bottom widen?

 As for school, we are still having some challenges for my son--ironically, it’s because it’s still not challenging for him. I reached out to his teachers on 2 occasions now including conferences and I’m pretty disappointed--not getting much traction. For example,  I waited two months for a return email about what we can do to help him be more challenged with math IN the classroom and her reponse was that the instructional coach said he could do XYZ at home. So I waited 2 months for her to tell me what we can do more at home. Not helpful at all.  I think I’ll need to escalate to the assistant principal or principal at this point. We had the same issues last year, and nothing seems to be different. The teachers said they can’t teach beyond the current year’s curriculum, which is a shame, but there has to be something they can do. My son says the only day he really likes is when he’s in his GT class on Friday and they are learning about topics and working with logic, etc..  They actually keep all GT kids in one classroom, so 2 others Aarav (his best buddy) and Cora are in his classroom as well. I’ve really gotten to know Aarav’s mom Neha because our boys have been in two soccer seasons together, currently basketball, and have been in the same classroom last year and this.  She’s also having the same struggles with the school. She’s actually been researching private school because she has an older son in 4^th grade who is also GT, and she said it’s not any different. I wasn’t planning on private school, but I’d consider. It just makes me wonder is it our teachers, our school, our district? I’ve not been in love w/ our elementary since the start. When anyone asks I say it’s ‘fine’.  We’ve had I’d say 1 outstanding teacher for both my kids--Mrs. Schau for my daughter’s 3^rd grade, and she’s no longer at the school.

Over the break my son has started hanging out w/ the basketball crew he plays with in league (Aarav, Pedro, Ata, and my son).  The moms have rotated around having the boys over so they can just get their energy out while not in school. It’s been a real treat to keep my son occupied while I spend some time w/ my girl and go do things I need to do. Well, the boys were all in our backyard yesterday for soccer (my son is a bit obsessed w/ soccer these days along w/ playing yahtzee) and basically they busted out multiple things: 1) the light 2) the fence and 3) the garage. Big sigh.  Although honestly I’d rather have them outside playing than on their devices all day, so there’s that. Add the fixing to my list.

 

Hit Number 1

Hit Number 2

Hit Number 3

My girl has hit just a really lovely stage right now where she says I love you many times a day and get this—I even get kisses on the cheek. She asks to lay in my lap in the rocking chair. She’s always been a kid where it’s on her terms….and I think since she’s been feeling better she is just showing affection more and more. Heart burst. I’ve also noticed a step change in her maturity over the last few months…..we’ve been practicing and I’ve been modeling for years when you lose your temper or do something you probably shouldn’t do…..when you calm down, you go back to the person and apologize.  It’s something I’m very proud of doing because no one wants to admit they were wrong, but I feel so strongly that kids need to see it and hear it that parents aren’t always right. Parents make mistakes….and it’s ok. We learn and grow from them. Part of that is to own it. It’s really impressive, actually, because she’s doing at 10 what some grown adults still can’t do.

 So, especially over the last few weeks when my girl has lost her temper at me, she’s taken herself out of the room….then maybe five minutes later she’ll come find me and say mom, I’m sorry. I thank her and say how proud I am of how she’s handling herself.  Another example, our neighbor boy Teddy came over and the kids were playing Yahtzee. I was in the other room and I start hearing there is ‘betting’ going on in the game. Somehow pokemon cards were part of the bargaining and somehow Teddy was ending up with most of them. I basically put a stop to it because I had told both my girl and Teddy before that they are not allowed to ‘trade’ because Teddy’s been known to be a bit slick and end up w/ a bunch of cards—not ok w/ me. So, of course when I told her no, she was extremely upset. She started yelling and saying no, and how unfair it was, and on and on. I held firm so Teddy left and she went to her room.  About 15 minutes later she comes out right up to me and says mom, I’m sorry. I explained to her WHY I said no, and that I thought it was unfair and I didn’t want her to lose her good cards. She said she understood and apologized a few more times.

What I’m so proud to see is that I didn’t ask her to do any of it. She decided on her own to remove herself, take some time to think, calmed down, and came out and apologized.  It really warms my heart to see that even we’ve had some very serious tough times, we both figured out a way to work through things and communicate to a resolution.  She very much wants to talk things through before going to bed if anything is bothering her or she feels is unresolved. So so proud. This is big for her. In the past, she had a really hard time admitting she was at fault for anything.

 Just as a follow up on basketball I did end up sending an email to the head coach. My girl was struggling a bit w/ the assistant coach and at only age 10, there’s no reason a coach should be using a punitive style and be negative. So not necessary. Thankfully, the head coach got the message and the assistant really turned it around, especially for my girl. I was appreciative of his efforts. Hopefully it will stay that way.

 Also, in a few weeks on January 10^th we go to middle school orientation. Oh em gee. Can’t even believe it. We apparently learn about electives, what to choose, how it all works, etc.. Apparently they’ve been talking between the girls at school because my daughter says she wants to choose drama stage crew. I know absolutely nothing about the process, the new school, how it all works so I have a lot to catch up on. I’m not ready.

 One of my very favorite ‘gifts’ this year came from my daughter. She had given me an ‘I love mom’ tumbler/insulated cup that she ordered (with the help of my sister) from amazon…however, it wasn’t just the cup that was so cute and thoughtful…..she included a tiny card with it. When I opened it up I just started crying. It said” thank you for being the only 1 that TRULY understands ME.  P.S. write down a Free thing such as chores here” with an arrow and a few lines. When I opened it I asked her, ‘You really feel that way?’ (I had no idea) and she said yes, she does….and we hugged and hugged. I just wept because I’ve been trying so hard over the years to let her know that while I’ve made mistakes, I’ve tried my absolute best to be there for her, help her, connect with her, support her….and this just said to me that she sees it. I felt so bonded w/ her in that moment. What a gift.

 And then there’s me….I thought I’d feel a bit more melancholy about the end of the year—highs/lows of 2022, thinking about how fast times goes, etc….but I really don’t feel that way. In this moment I feel somewhat content. I’m thankful I’m not working and don’t have that heavy load to bear and I’m thankful my children are doing well. I’m thankful for the time I’m investing in being a stay at home mom, going to their events, making dinner, keeping up the house…it’s a full time job w/out the check. I’m also thankful that helping my sister w/ her business has turned into something I really truly enjoy and look forward to. It’s also strengthened our relationship.

 Some things to work on for the upcoming year, call them New Year’s resolutions if you will: I still have a lot of anxiety I’d like to look deeper at. I worry a lot about the kids when they aren’t here….it’s not just the basic, ‘I hope they are ok’ type thing it’s, hey you can’t go to that event an hour from here (because I’m worried about someone else driving you and I couldn’t bear if something happened kind of thing).  Not going to a new year’s celebration because I’m worried about the ‘what if’s’.  In the past, my anxiety hasn’t really prevented me from doing certain things, so I am noticing it trickle in a bit more with me and I’m projecting it onto the kids.

 There’s always the usual ‘get more healthy’, but this year I’d like to actually make progress w/ this. I’ve decided that I think a lot about this, but fail to really make actual progress. I think I need to make an actual plan and I really need some outside help. Relying on myself and thinking about different programs hasn’t worked for me. I need to figure out what this might/could look like in 2023 and just do it and act instead of just think. I think therapy could be a good tool for this one. Also,  I need to take advantage of the ‘time’ I have not working because soon enough, I’m sure that will change and I’ll head back to work.

 And the other thing is…I need to get a new bed! I haven’t slept consistently in my room/bed for about a year. I sleep in the living room in the recliner or the couch because I’m in a more upright position. I’ve got a bad snoring problem (I’m told) and do have mild sleep apnea…so sleeping more upright is the best way I can get the deepest sleep. Even w/ sleeping this way, I still wake about every 3 hours all night. Funny enough I sleep the best in our crappy old 10+ year old falling apart sofa.  I need to invest in an adjustable bed, it is a must. It will help me get back into my room at night and perhaps contribute to my overall wellbeing with good sleep hygiene. Now that I think about it, why isn’t this at the top of my list? Perhaps it goes to the ‘self-care’ lack thereof I became aware of. I’ve just made do because I haven’t made it a priority…also because making large purchases kicks my anxiety into gear and it’s hard for me to make decisions. I think that’s also why I’ve avoided it.  The thing is, it’s not even about the money. This needs to be a goal I achieve in 2023.

 And that’s all I can think of right now.

On a positive note, I’ve got new tenants in my bungalow rental starting Jan 1 and they wanted to lease for 18 months…hurrah.  I’m really proud of the work I’ve put into updating the property. From after the freeze in 2021, I’ve updated the house interior, the garage apartment interior, new appliances in the house, the exterior of the house and garage, and landscaping.  It’s turned out adorable and I would live there myself. My plan is to keep it long term so it was time to invest in some upgrades. I’ve now been able to increase the rent so 500/mo w/ the house and 200/mo w/ the apartment. Hoorah!  

 

Isn't she cute?

Goodbye 2022, hello 2023!!

Happy New Year!

PS Sunflower I read your post and I empathize with you. It is so hard year after year when your loved one isn't here. I think about my mom daily...and I was hopeful something would fill that void/hole, but nothing has for me. Of course I have the memories, but I just wish I had something more. My thoughts go out to you/your family.