Summer 2022

Here we are mid, already starting towards end of summer. The kids go back to school August 17. We also have some birthdays coming right around the corner. This year 8 and 10. Nuts. Once again I planned to write several times now but just didn't do it. Lots of thoughts about things I wanted to say and capture and 2 whole months has gone by.

Some highlights are that we hired a babysitter Jenny who is home from college. It's been working out just fine. She's very dependable and she's keeping them safe. We had a bit of a hiccup in that she forgot to mention she is taking summer school and would need to be on her computer from 10-12 every day, which kind of threw a kink in having a morning and afternoon activity, but we've made it work. Her schedule is to come M, W, TH from 6:45-6:00 to allow me time to get to work, and work, then get home. So the other days we shorten it...TUE, FRI I work from home so she comes at 12:30 after her class. I was hopeful she'd be able to proactively keep the kids occupied, figure out where to take them, etc. but she needed more guidance and direction. If I told her what to do/when it worked out better. She's helpful with errands and some grocery shopping so its fine.  Where we've struggled is my girl hasn't had the best summer. She's had a lot of high irritability, and with that comes some challenging behavior. The babysitter isn't really equipped to handle her "fussies" as we call them, so there have been a few days where she's had to call me to intervene.  My girl also realized quickly that the babysitter wasn't super firm, so she would test her often and see what she could get away with.  I wish I could say things have improved significantly, but no....it's been tough. I am working with her current Dr., a children's hospital dr., and the hope of referrals with the hospital network.  Nothing is fast, there is not a sense of urgency from anyone. Meanwhile, we wait and try adjusting things and I learn more about different ways to manage to see what helps and doesn't.They've still had fun, I think, doing a variety of things like swimming pools, bowling, put put golf, bike riding, chucky cheeses, library, bouncy places, rope climbing places, etc.. About a month left to go.

I already started preparing for the new year the Fall. I actually explored private schools, just online, this summer because this past year for my son was really just bad. He was in a classroom with at least 5 behavioral issues and a teacher who was new to teaching first grade, and won't be doing it again after this year. He just was unhappy most of this year.....he'd come home, slam his bag down, stomp around. A few times he said he hated school. It broke my heart to see how frustrated he was a lot of the time. I did reach out on several occasions whether it be trying to get with the teacher to see how she could help him flex and give him more challenging work....or to find out why so and so was pinching or hitting him, etc.. My son is not a small kid, nor is he not willing to fight back. It's just that he doesn't like conflict so he'll make the peace, then stew about it. He also really struggled w/ kids not following rules. At school he is very much a 'by the book' kind of kid, so when others were acting crazy, he just couldn't understand why. Also, his teacher would hold the whole class from doing x y z until everyone behaved and a) I completely disagree with that model and b) drove my son batty.

So, I wrote a lengthy email to the principal about a month ago sharing some of my concerns about the academics and the class structure. I asked if she'd be open to a conversation and she was.  She seemed very open to hearing the feedback and did acknowledge there were many issues in his last years' classroom. She said that he is assigned to a 'seasoned' teacher this upcoming year and thinks it will be a much better fit. The teacher has experience working with kids who need some extra challenge.  I have to trust what she says.  I also know that I will escalate faster and higher if I see that he's having some of the same issues. I feel like early years of school should be great! He's been not super happy in kinder and first.

We've had a lot of talks as a family lately.  My son is developing in his communication and has been vocal about some things he's been struggling with.....he feels like his sister is taking away from his quality time with mom. He said I spend a lot of time dealing with her "fussies" and while I'm doing that, he's in my room until it's calm again. So, he's right, actually. He said he wants to spend more time with just me, and I am working to make that happen. Last week we had 'special' day. I told him I'd be open to whatever he wanted and he chose mcdonalds for lunch (his favorite), i let him get a soda which I rarely do--and diet coke at that which is like a never because of well...it's just not healthy. Another night after his sister when to sleep I snuck in his room and said hey, c'mere. He was so surprised and so happy that I allowed him to come back out and watch wheel of fortune..late! It really was nice to have calm, rock together, and watch a show I've loved since I was a kid--I'm creating a new generation of love for it. I think I let him stay up until 10pm. He loved it so much he came out of his room the following night and asked for more special time.  After 3 nights of it and having an awfully fussy day on the 4th, I reeled it back in.

It's a challenge I haven't figure out how exactly to manage.....I do feel like my son has had to deal with a lot for a 7 year old, and there are times it doesn't seem fair.  On the otherhand, he has completely shocked me with how tender and loving he can be in tough situations..towards me and his sister. As an example, last night was a rough night and after his sister calmed down she wanted to just be with her brother and lay her head in his lap. He allowed her to come, made a little pillow for her with his blanket, and was gently caressing her hair as he spoke to her. He told her how much he loved her and that he knows it's hard for her....and it's ok, he understands her brain works differently. like....bestill my heart. Such a gentle, old soul he is at only 7.  There's a part of me that feels like it's too much for him to comfort her, but the bigger part of me says that he feels helpful and can actually do something when things are tough. I ask him if he's okay and is he comfortable helping and he shakes his head yes.

He's also very much worried about his mama.....this feels very similar to how I felt when I grew up about my mom. I worried if she was upset with me, worried about something happening to her, etc. I didn't realize at the time that that's what anxiety is. I do see glimpses of that w/ my son. He is very much in tune with my emotions and any different tone or look he'll ask, 'are you mad at me?' 'are you sad'?. He'll say often that he's sorry that I have to deal with so much. I try to explain to him that as a mama, that's what I do. It's ok.....but he's smart enough to see that yes, sometimes I lose my temper. Sometimes I cry from frustration, sometimes I shout. So he knows it's hard. I am proud of him for how's he's communicating--he told me it really bothers him when I get upset. I thanked him for sharing that with me and tell him I'm trying my best to manage and Mom's not perfect and I know I make mistakes. I think that's what I try to really do with him is allow him space to communicate, share his emotions in safe space. He's built up a lot of anger....one of the ways he works through that now is he'll write on a piece of paper when he's mad.  He'll bring a paper that may have 20 F bombs on it, but I tell him how proud I am that he's letting his feelings out. I do think therapy would help him....all of us really. It's been nothing short of impossible to find a great therapist. It's been such a challenge. Now, he's got his own set of issues, but parenting him is much easier. He only takes one warning and he'll do what he's supposed to. He actually tells on himself when he's done something because I think it eats at him i.e. mom, I took the ipad in my room. Here you go. He has had some bright spots recently....he learned how to fart with his armpit.

I deeply love my son and I can see how sensitive he is. Interestingly enough, he does not care for my sister. And she struggles with him.....she doesn't realize how her tone comes across, and he internalizes it and thinks she's mad at him. That's a whole nother conversation I don't have the energy for this minute.

Speaking of energy, I've been back to work for 2 months now. The commute is at least an hour each way.....longer than I've had probably ever. So that's not fun....I've gotten to know the people I work with and found out that the woman I started with same day is also a single mom by choice. Her son is 3 about to turn 4 and she's in her 40's. What's crazy is she's the first person who's chosen the same path I did that I've gotten to know more than casually. It's been great.  What I'm learning too is I like using my brain again, I like the comradery....I'm not loving that the HR function is a lot further behind than I even expected. It makes me realize that I have worked in some pretty progressive HR functions and have a ton of good experience. Not sure I've even said on this blog what I do for a living! I do also enjoy getting a regular paycheck again. Feels good.

My next step is to start looking for a Fall kidsitter....since I work from home 2 days a week I'll need someone to come in the mornings and afterschool the other 3 days.  Unfortunately with the long commute I won't be able to drop off at school those 3 days...school start time has changed to 8:10 in the fall instead of 7:55am. So, with drop off at say 7:45, I wouldn't get to office until 8:45-9:00, work the day and leave at 6:00pm, not home until 7:00pm....that just doesn't work for me and our family. I'll figure it out....I always do. 

It's been triple digit actual temperatures as well as 'feels like' temperatures here in the South and oh man...it's miserable. Too hot to even be outside unless your swimming....and even then, the pool is like a bathtub. Can't wait for the Fall weather to roll in...maybe September. That's actually ok because I never made it a priority to take down our christmas tree so yup, it's already up ready to be decorated again in a few months. I'm also working on figuring out what sport or activity the kids want to get into, when the sign ups are--right now for many things. I actually have to plan which is not my strong suit. Im also finishing up repainting and updating my rental house with the garage apartment. Sounds simple, but I've been working on it w/ my slow contractor for 2 months. We are in the final stretch, which is good, because garage tenant is moving out and I'll need to relist. Also, the house tenant said he wants out of his lease, which I'm not too upset about because on both rentals I can now raise the rent!

Sunflower I appreciate your comment on my last post. I do read your blog and keep up with your family. Your girl is similar in age to mine and we are going through similar growth 'things' like first bras, etc. I could totally relate to your post.They are really becoming young ladies, aren't they.