Dear 2022-Please let us be healthy this year. We struggled a lot w/ your friend 2021 with a very long list of things. It started with Covid and then it just kept going. We had terrible allergy issues, dental issues, dermatology issues, mental health issues, as well as non-stop flus/viruses/and infections from Oct 31-the new year '22. It was one thing after another all. year. long. If we can even have a little less of this.....we will be off to a much better year. Thank you. Sincerely, ME
Not sure I even discussed the dental/derm issues in an earlier post but: My 9 year old had braces all year long (no idea that's a thing now) and I had a tooth that had a crown and root canal, and unfortunately it failed in March and the tooth had to get extracted, then implant. It's a several month process and the extraction didn't go well from a healing so he had to 'go back in' twice. A 2 month toothache hung out w/ me in '21. In addition, I had a not good/but not bad spot on my arm that the Dr. decided to remove, taking layers out of my arm and sewing it back together w/ a 2" scar. I don't know what happened in our house or why, but I've amped up the vitamins, etc. to get our immune systems kick started again in the hopes we can just get a break. I was really really hopeful things seemed to settle (Finally a few weeks into January), however my son just this week picked up a stuffy nose/mild temp. Just BIG fat sigh.
Last year my kids turned 9 and 7. That means this year I will have a child that is turning double digits. I really just can't. I just can't yet. I have really struggled in letting nature do what it does, and watch them grow up. I get an achiness in my chest when I think too much about it. It's not that I'm not excited about what's to come, because I am. And it's not that I don't enjoy more of the conversations and the 'hanging out together' as opposed to chasing screaming toddlers and changing diapers. It's just maybe I want to keep slowing it down, slower than time will let me....and that simply makes me achy and anxious, a little bit wistful, and even sad sometimes. I truly loved loved hearing baby giggles, squishing fat, thick thighs, slobber kisses....of course there's things I loved (and struggled with) since becoming a parent. I shouldn't be surprised...I've struggled with the 'starting new stages' and 'letting go' all along. I remember thinking back and oh wow....my baby is walking, next thing I know they are running....then riding a bike...then able to do it without training wheels...then riding around the circle without mom watching....and now they ride without mom to the park. I'm seriously getting anxiety just typing this out. Poor mom!
I haven't been posting much, which used to be the way I would summarize and document what's happening in our lives. The best I've been able to do is at least keep notes on my phone so I dont lose the memories we've been making. Lately, I've kept a little log of new 'firsts'....as we just are in a new stage of life and parenting with a bit older kids now. I would call this more the: Stretching/Building Independence Stage. For example:
- Bath time. My son took a complete shower all by himself. From turning it on, to getting in, washing himself, turning it off, getting a towel and drying off, and then getting dressed. That was major and doesn't happen regularly, but it has happened. Bath time in our house has always been a production, especially w/ one person running the show. When the kids were babies/toddlers, etc. I used to do bath time every night. It was just a great way to end the day and simply clean off all the yuck collected during the day. I would put everything we needed in the bathroom, then put both of them in the tub together, wash one and the other, then take one out while keeping an eagle eye on the one still in, then let the one loose I just washed and jammied up (but still in the closed bathroom), then finish up w/ the other. Lots of splashing, crying, and screaming of course. But, then we would open the door and wah-lah! When the kids first started to get bigger, I would still do bath every night, but I would then take them in the bath one at a time....one would go first, then the other. All the while both fighting for mom's attention and then running everywhere because they could open doors. And now, one may take a shower, one a bath in my super big tub. I do still have to round them up when it's time, which now is every other day generally, but if there's any kind of sweat, that equals a shower (mainly for my son, he inherited the serious sweating). I'm still asked to help them get ready for it and they still ask if I can 'talk w/ me?' during bath time. And I usually do. My daughter even tried to wash her own hair a few times....but it is so long and curly, that after a few tries she said yeah, mom, you can do it. So, even if it's in a different way, they are still 'needing' mom during bath time.
- My son is now tall enough that he doesn't need the booster seat at the barber.
- My girl asked for privacy when she was changing. That might have been a one time thing because in general, she doesn't care. We have also welcomed a new first sports bra into our house. A super soft silky smooth pink colored one from target. It took trying on about 8 different styles--from target to high-end retail, but one thing I love about my girl...she knows what she likes. When she decides, that's it. She is very finicky about how clothes fit her (she is still wearing leggings most of the time, and never jeans or anything else really except soccer shorts, but only on the weekends) so the fact that we could find one she loved I/we were so happy. It looked so cute on her I just couldn't handle it. She looks adorable and she has had no trouble wearing it. We actually talked about it because she had come to me and said her clothes were getting smaller, which they were, and she seemed uncomfortable. I asked her if she didn't like her chest area and she shook her head. I said ok sure! we can get you a really cute bralette or something like that and she got excited and asked if we could look online right then. That conversation went so well. In addition, we also had a puberty talk including a birds/bees talk. We also discussed (again) the fact that she was made a bit different i.e. in a Dr.'s office. Once we started talking it just kind of was matter of fact and I was really proud of myself.
- Physical Independence: My girl got her first watch for christmas...a cute little teal one, and she wears it all the time. It's come in very handy because also for the first time, I've let the kids go to our neighborhood 'swing park' by themselves on the weekends or sometimes after school. They can scooter or ride bikes there, and we agree ahead of time on what time they need to be back. I started out letting them go for like 10-15 minutes and over time, we've stretched it to about 30-45 minutes, in addition the rule is they need to stay together. It's actually turned out so well because a) they have consistently earned trust and come back on time and b) there are two families we know that back up to that park. One of them is in my son's class-his best friend James. My kids go to his house and the 3 of them play. Also, an old colleague of mine that also backs up has 2 kids exactly my kids age-Johnny and Catherine-and just this past weekend my kids ran into them and the mama texted me that she also is working on letting them play more independently at the park and if my kids want to play to let her know. I feel better knowing that there are eyes close by if needed. I've thought more about a smartwatch for the kids so I can actually call or text them if needed, but this works ok for now. Of course I initially felt very hesitant in allowing them to go....for many reasons. For years I watched them like a hawk and it's been a process to peel myself back a little and give them space i.e. 'slightly' open my mother hen wings. But, I'm proud of how I learned to ease up by taking baby steps. It really was little by little because we started out very small. First step was to allow them to go just in the backyard by themselves....then it stretched to only in the driveway, then into the circle with no bikes, then added the bikes/scooters, then a quick trip to pocket park around the corner, then the farther swingpark, then longer times. This whole evolution of physical independence has happened over the last two years or so. We live in a neighborhood with parks and trails where I feel safe, but of course I still worry. Also, there's the judgement--we were at sand park the other day and ran into another of my son's classmates and his mom. In meeting her for the first time, during the conversation she casually says.....'yeah, I think I saw your kids alone at swing park?'. Yup. That's correct. Another first is that I've allowed my son to ride directly to James's house by swingpark all by himself for a playdate, and then he rode back home when done. This one I'm still nervous about, but he's only done this once so far. Likely I'll wait more time on this one for a future play date. I know it's not like when I grew up. I get it. I was going to my neighbor's house all by myself when I was 5, riding around the town on my bike at 6+. Of course w/ a town of 800 people where everyone knew everyone and many decades ago, yes, it was a lot different. Just trying to figure out what works for us now.
- My girl has a real crush on the neighbor boy Teddy. Be careful what you ask for, right? We finally after 6 years get neighbors and they have 2 boys...Teddy 10 and Hugo 8. The older one gets along really well with both of my kids and plays here all the time. He's also taken to eating dinner with us regularly as well. He plays outside w/ my son and shoots hoops, throws football, etc..But, the younger one...well....he has a bit of an anger problem. He clashes a lot w/ my son because the boy tends to cheat, get rowdy and angry, etc.. I know Hugo's around because within about 5 minutes of them playing I'll hear someone screaming. I'm not sure the background but I know the mama bends his way quite a bit. Initially both boys would play, but over time the younger one stays back and and the older plays much more. It's more peaceful that way, so it's working out pretty well. Plus, we do a bit of back and forth with--hey, I need to run to the store quick, can they stay w/ your for a bit, etc.. It's the first time I truly don't feel any guilt asking someone if my kids can go over so I can do something without paying them. Is this what a community feels like?
- TV and the IPAD. I really miss the days when a cartoon on the just the television was enough. The earliest show my girl ever took any interest in was pajanimals on TV when she was around 18 months. Over time, we slowly added more shows, mostly all from PBS. Daniel, George, they would go in phases of what they would watch/be interested in. Eventually we got into peppa and for the longest, that's what they watched. Then around 4 my son took an interest in watching sports, so with his limited attention span, we would watch and he would come and go. We've always watched shows on the DVR or pbs with no commercials so my kids have no idea what it's like to have to sit through constant interruptions and advertisement--which I appreciated. Oh yeah, this happened awhile ago but they know how to completely control the tv/cable/and DVD with all the remotes. Anyway...then due to the pandemic in the spring of 2020, we were left with terrible school equipment for remote school so I got fed up and bought an ipad. Initially all I had on there was the pbs kids app and it was great. They watched it here and there and it was good, very structured times they could watch, etc.. It wasn't until I got covid at the beginning of 2021 that the IPAD usage took off. It was hard to function, let alone parent....so we downloaded our first game apps to give them something to do. It's kind of taken off since then. My limit on ipad usage went out the window then, and over last year with all that we went through, i just didn't care how much time they were spending on it. They know how to go to the app store and look for free games, etc..but I have to approve/download so I've really limited what we've put on there. AND, we still only have 1. Over the years my kids have left me pictures and notes regularly, which I save and completely love. Even these notes have changed over time. Here are a few recent ones:
- And last but not least, I still find a lot of joy in the things my kids say and do. Now that they can talk more and write things, it's gotten even more fun. One night we were trying to order pizza and for some reason the store wasn't allowing me to use a coupon they had given me. I went round and round w/ them and was getting frustrated. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my son run into the kitchen, but wasn't paying much attention. After I get off the phone next thing I know he is handing me this:
I have given up on managing the screen-time too. I think COVID has changed a lot of things.
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