Emotional Day

My sister told me awhile ago that even tough my Dad was cremated, the woman he married bought a plot and they were going to bury him. She said they had talked and they were going to do a military salute since he retired from the navy. Considering the pandemic I assumed it would would be awhile before they did anything.
Well, my sister calls me a few days ago and said they were going to the cemetery today. I don’t have any idea why today. There isn’t a significance of this date that I am aware of. And then I started thinking and getting a bit upset. What if I did want to be there?? There’s no way I can fly, or take a several day road trip with two small children..and all at the last minute. I wouldn’t have thought given the pandemic that they would have done a graveside gathering. Ultimately I’m not sure I would have gone but not really having a choice is what bothered me the most. Although, to take some ownership I could have asked about it
As we talked again yesterday she told me that my estranged sister, one of my dad’s two sisters, my sister I talk to, and my brother were going. We tried to figure the last time she/we saw my other sister and it’s been 6 years we think. Since my niece graduated high school and she’s now 24. She wasn’t sure if my sister was coming alone or bringing her husband and/or 3 kids (24,will be 22, will be 20 this year).
Just thinking about everyone getting together brought up anxiety for me. There’s so much history and real reasons why we are estranged from my sister and her kids. It can be a bad recipe when there’s emotions, not seeing each other for years, and putting all that in the same area. The sister I talk to also has a hard time holding back when she’s upset. It’s actually just sad. We all lived under the same roof growing up.
I had told a friend of mine over this past weekend about the funeral and she asked about whether I was joining by FaceT.ime? I hadn’t even thought about it and mentioned it to my sister yesterday. We agreed we would do it.

So, today I attended my Dads funeral by face.time. I ‘rode’ in the car with my sister and brother to the cemetery. My brother is actually going to be 40 this year and us girls are 45,47,49. Wow.
The people in person were my sister, brother, my estranged sister and her 3 kids, one of my dad’s sisters (who is in her 90s) and her friend, and the woman my dad married. I say it like that because my mom was his wife. Period.

(Pause for me to sob for a minute).

I’m just thinking about my mom/dad married and how fractured we became after she passed—this year will be 12 years. Now, both my parents are gone and I haven’t seen my estranged sister in 6 years. She’s never met my son. My sister I talk to has a lot of struggles, and I’m not that close with my brother. I’m processing these emotions real time as I’m writing this out.

Back to the car ride we pull up to cemetery and there’s a tractor next to a plot. I asked my brother why there is a tractor, but he doesn’t hear me. It’s raining hard there, which feels fitting. My brother turned the camera around as we all watched them putting dirt over the box. They ended up not being able to get the salute due to the pandemic (no surprise and why the timing was confusing) so my nephew played the salute. It was quiet no one said a word.
Once the man put all the dirt on he simply turned on his tractor and left. My brother asked if I wanted to see the plaque and I did. I didn’t have much emotion until I saw his name, date of birth, date of death.

(Pause. Lots more crying)

Then, it was over. No speeches, no talking. Just quiet, respectful.

They all decided then that they would gather at a restaurant. As everyone was getting ready to go something just came over me and I wanted my estranged sister to see ‘meet’ my kids. I send her Christmas picture cards every year but she only saw my daughter when she was 2 and never met my son. She was crying/hugging my brother and said yes. So, I called in my girl and my son and explained this was my sister and brother. I hear my sister saying my son looks just like me. My daughter showed them one of her toys and my son showed them his missing tooth. And just like that they were off again. But not before asking why I was crying.

My brother and other sister took me back in the car and we debriefed for a few minutes. I said that lunch could be tough but we all need to be kind. My sister asked if I was talking about her and I just said...’well..?’. She got the point.

That was much more emotional than I expected or was prepared for. Actually, when my sister initially called I was still in bed.  Babysitter came this morning so I was just using my time to rest/relax.

I’m sure I’ll hear more after the lunch. I just hope they can all be civil to each other. I hope no one mentions money ie that my dad willed everything to that woman. That my dad took over my moms 30k stock which was supposed to be used for grandkid education and willed it to her. That my estranged sister made a lot of bad choices. Yes, please universe let them eat in peace.