New Year's Eve

I have another list of things I wanted to capture and have a few minutes quiet. The children are w/ the babysitter at the store.

I was walking w/ my girl the other day in our neighborhood and we came up to the end of the sidewalk and needed to cross the street.  I told her we needed to hold hands, like we always do.....and when we were walking I told her that she behaved very nicely that day (her brother was super fussy) and she played independently, didn't fuss hardly at all, was helpful, and overall we just had a good day. So I told her all of those things and she responds...."I'm so proud of you".
It's nice to know that what I say to her is sticking.

She still has trouble w/ the I, you, me, her, he, him words.....when she wants help she says "Help you". Everyone seems to be a her.  Even Santa and her brother. She usually says you when she means me. Clearly I know what she is saying.

Funny: We were drawing w/ her new cray.ola desk she got for christmas and we were coloring shapes, people, etc. and I decided to draw a slide. Then I drew a swingset and told her there were swings. Next thing I know she has her head on the ground, her bum in the air, and proceeds to bend her bum down to the paper. She says, "I sit.".
Can't remember last time I laughed that hard.....it was hilarious because she was so serious.

I have to call it. My son is sleeping through the night!! YEEHAW ALMIGHTY IS MAMA HAPPY!  It's been a slow progression of skipping feedings. He would settle for the night around 7pm and early on he'd still eat at 9, then 12, then 3, etc....then he started sleeping past the 9 pm many weeks ago. Then several weeks ago he started sleeping through the 12 also.  And NOW??  The last few nights he's slept from around 8 pm to 5:15am!!I couldn't believe it!!  The other thing that is great is he has learned to put himself to sleep. Now, he doesn't nap well during the day so he is exhausted by night.....but after I put babygirl to bed between 7-7:30pm I put him in his rocker in my room next to my bed.  It is nice, dark, and warm for him....sometimes I lay in there, sometimes not. He doesn't cry or scream....he just sort of chews on his hands and makes baby noises. Soon enough it is quiet. I am so hopeful he continues this as I would like him to learn how to put himself to sleep.
His sister on the other hand.....no joke my almost 2 1/2 year old has been up every TWO hours almost for the last 2 nights. How is it that my almost 3 month old sleeps better than she does??????
She keeps waking up and says, "More milk mama" or "come here Mama". She wants her milk to go back to sleep. This terrible habit was created early on when her nanny gave her a bottle in her bed to nap and it's been that way every since because she fought it when not given a bottle.
Hindsight I should have taken her bottles away at 1 year old and not looked back. The little bit of pain then would have helped me now.  Now, I think I will wait until my boy is 1 year old and get rid of them ALL. It has become her comfort and I just don't want to take it away considering he has bottles all day long and they are everywhere.
The other thing I wonder is if she is cold. She doesn't keep blankets on her and I've tried putting another layer underneath her jammies. I may just boil down to she is just used to me coming in her room whenever she wakes up.  A habit we need to fix and it just exhausts me.

I wanted to share a picture of my son's dresser I got refinished. I just got it back in the house the other day and it is absolutely gorgeous. The guy who worked on it did an amazing job and it really is a beautiful piece. I almost don't want to use it for fear of it getting scratched, etc.. It went to him late Sept and I just got it end of Dec...so it took awhile but well worth the wait.
My babysitter had it on her back porch for several months. One of the neighbors had it out on a trash pile so their friend picked it up.  When I had such a hard time finding the right 'stuff' for my nursery, my babysitter told their friend either pick it up or she was going to give it to me.  Well, I got it. I found the refinisher online and here is what is looked like before:

BEFORE:

 AFTER:

Incredible.


We are just staying in for New Year's tonight......my children go to bed around 7pm and I frankly just want to rest and relax. I'll hear plenty of fireworks outside and my T.v. to watch the ball drop works just fine. That is if my eyes are still open.

Happy New Year to all...................

It's Christmas Eve

I was trying to think of the story....the one where it says all is quiet....something..not even a mouse....well, that's what it is right now. The babes are in bed, the wrapping is finally done, and I have picked up the house ready for our day tomorrow.  I am relaxing here in the recliner and looking at the full stockings, one for baby girl, baby boy, and my sister. I have one hanging too and my sister threw something in about 10 minutes ago so I wouldn't feel left out. My eyes are starting to get heavy so this won't be long.....

We had planned to go to a candlelight service tonight but we were just plain too tired.  This afternoon we went downtown to the aquarium and by the time we got home, cooked dinner, and fed the children, we both just said heck w/ it. It was amazingly quiet at the aquarium so we got to see all the exhibits/tanks w/ relatively no one around. It was GREAT.  We saw the penguin feeding time which was kind of neat. My girl really enjoyed it, the seahorses especially....but mostly climbing on whatever she could. My son slept almost the entire time.

I'll leave you w/ this. I've mentioned that my girl can be unpredictable at meal times and quite picky about what she eats....well, now we can add pancake artist. Here's what I saw the other night when she was 'finished' eating.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

My toddler

In case I haven't been clear in previous posts....toddlers can be so tough. I mean really tough.  My daughter has been a handful....in the beginning she just whined a lot. Now, in addition to the whining there are temper tantrums, throwing everything she can get her hands on, hitting phases, and now....dum dum dum.....NOT LISTENING AT ALL!  I mean to almost anything.

Maybe I was spoiled earlier on in that I didn't realize how well she listened when I asked her to do something.
Example: "Baby, come here let's put on your shoes."  Over she would walk and we would put on her shoes.

Example Now: "Baby, come here let's put on your shoes."  Blank stare.  "Baby, it's time to go, let's put on your shoes." Rolls over says no. "BAby...C'mon...we have to go." Silence.  "If you don't get over here by the count of 3 I'm going to come get you" Blank stare, half smile. "1-2-3". No movement.  "Alright I've had it, get over here and get your shoes on NOW".
Because of this newfound selective hearing, it seems to take forever to do anything these days....put her pajamas on, put her shoes on, change clothes, get in the bathtub, get in the car and in her seat, back in the house after playtime.....Oh.Em. Gee.
I also haven't found anything that has worked to get her to listen better. I've explained that she needs to listen, tried to tell her it upsets mama, I've raised my voice.....the only thing that has a mild effect is now I use the "Go to your room". She will go, but even that doesn't do much to stop it further.
I am hopeful this is something she will outgrow....and soon.

I've been carrying around a piece of paper of all the little things she's been saying or doing over last few months. I've had to capture things 'old school' since it takes awhile for me to actually log in and type it all out! Anyway.....
--the other night at dinner she was trying to get a peach on her fork. She kept trying and trying and couldn't do it.....she was so intent and says..."C'MON peach..."  It was just cute.
--she loves to go outside. She will come grab my hand, pull me, and say "Wet's go mommy, wet's go".
--When she is whining, crying, or otherwise upset I'll tell her to calm down.  She says "OK, trying".
--She still isn't the best sleeper. Getting her to sleep can sometimes be rough. After I've put her down and she can't settle down she will call out for me.  It starts by her saying "mommy" (low voice). If I don't answer she gets progressively louder. "Mah-may." "MAH-may." " MAAAAH-MAAAAAY!."  One night I just yelled out drink your bottle. She simply said OK, and went back to sleep!  On another night night I went to her crib and I told her to stop yelling. She said ok. I went out to the living room and I hear her little voice say quite calmly and clearly  "Come here please".
--She runs down the sidewalk and yells...."I'm runnang! I'm runnaaaaaang!"
--She loves to drink whatever anyone else has.  She will walk over, put her finger to her mouth, tap on it and say "one sip, one sip".
--She knows her alphabet letters and all her colors.
--When the baby sneezes she says "Bless you Baby".
--She is pretty good about saying thank you.  It's so funny to hear this little voice say, "tank you mommy" after giving her a popsicle.
--At night and in the morning she typically sits on my lap in the rocker.  I think we both enjoy this time because she asks regularly for "rocker" "snuggle wuggle".
--She was watching a show where she was learning letters and one day they said 'saddle'. For some reason she loved that word because right in the middle of saying her letters she'll say, A....B....F....SADDLE!
--In the morning she sometimes soaks through her jammies. We call this super-soaked. If that happens, when I come in to get her she says supsoak tu-tub. She's supersoaked and wants a bath. I take her out and hold her at arms length through to the bathroom door and she holds her leg out behind her to kick open the door almost every time.
--If she leaves the room for awhile I'll call for her and ask her what she's doing. I hear her yell out.."I'm still pooping."  Sometimes she'll come to me and say 'hard one'.
--My heart melted the other day when on her own she came up, sat on my lap, gave me a hug, and said "I wuv you mommy, I wuv you". Oh my word did my heart swell on that one.
--The only kind of discipline that semi-works is for me to tell her to go to her room.  It's kind of hilarious......she runs to her room, yells out WAH, WAH twice. Says I all done, and comes back out.
If only it stayed that simple.
--When she's done something she thinks is naughty she says "Oh Honeeeey". I couldn't figure out why she kept saying that until I realized that's what I say to her when I find her doing something--like tearing up a favorite book. I would walk over and say "Oh honey, what did you do?".

I still haven't figured out what to do about her diet. She is not adventurous and doesn't like to try new things. She likes her mac/cheese, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, eggs. What I try to do is at least give her turkey dogs, non-fried chicken nuggets, organic mac and cheese......but still. I know it's a toddler thing, but it's just so difficult to add something new to the mix. If it doesn't come out of a box and is pre-made, she just doesn't seem to want it.  At least she will eat some vegetables--cucumber, green beans, broccoli, carrots and many different fruits.  Ironically, one of her favorite things to eat is the 'fruit' snacks.

Oh my girl...it's during these times I would love to ask my mom if I was like this as a child. I suspect so...always pushing boundaries, into everything, exploring all the time, on the go until put to bed, interested in books....oh wait, back to constantly testing limits!
She may be a handful but she is also very sweet, charming, and can be pretty darn funny at times.....we've been sharing more 'moments' of laughing together and her communication is getting more detailed all the time. She is stringing sentences together, bringing up things she remembered from the day. It's interesting to hear the things that pop out of her mouth i..e what she's thinking about. Sometimes at night when I go to her room after she calls out, she'll just start talking....it's almost like we are having a conversation because she seems very serious/intent on telling me what's on her mind. I secretly enjoy this even though I am usually in there to tell her to go/back to sleep.

We are getting ready for Christmas. Most of my shopping done and house has been decorated for awhile. My sister is coming into town and unfortunately she's had a bah-humbug attitude so I hope she can turn it around. I've been thinking about how I am going to handle it because frankly I don't want her to bring me down. I'd love to have a nice, joyful holiday w/ positive energy. Don't think that's too much to ask. If it gets to be too much I may just call her on the carpet and tell her to get it together. It still bothers me that I am thinking this way because I just wish I could depend on her showing up and we have fun together. I have found w/ the last few trips that we just don't laugh much. I can only hope for the best and be sure that me and the kids have a great one no matter what.

Holidays and Kids...oh my!

I have had countless blogs in my head and a bunch of anxiety about not posting for awhile....there is so much I want to capture and share, but..........would I rather sleep or type?  Sleep wins.  At night if I am lucky enough that I have a little time when both are sleeping, I pretty much throw myself on the couch, try to watch my D.VR'd shows that are almost at 100% full, and fall asleep in about 5 minutes.
I am here tonight because I had some caffeine today (I don't do that very often) and my boy has finally started to sleep better at night. Now sleeping during the day is another story.

If I rewind and sum up how it's been since home from hospital....exhausting in the best way possible. Baby boy is almost 10 weeks now and the first 8 were TOUGH w/ a capital T. I think it's safe to say that he had mild colic.  His tummy gave him sooo much trouble that even after the switching of formulas and all the other stuff I did to try and help, nothing really did. At his 2 month check up the Dr. basically said we've done as much as we could and  it eases up at around 10-12 weeks.  He didn't have the scream for hours for no reason, but he just wasn't comfortable, cried and fussed a lot during he day, and wouldn't go back to sleep at night after eating for a long time.  It's just been over the past few weeks that he's started to sleep better at night i.e. he sometimes sleeps through a 3 hour feed time at 9pm (so sleeps from around 7 or 8 until 12midnight) and falls back asleep after bottles (for the most part). That's mostly because he doesn't nap much during the day, he is wide awake and still somewhat fussy, but at least the nights are better.
A few nights I've put baby girl to bed, then put baby boy in his rocker in my room around same time and Lo and behold I have some time where all is quiet.  Interestingly enough baby boy has learned to put himself to sleep--which I found out by accident.  One night after feeding/changing/rocking, etc. he just wouldn't go to sleep so I said to heck w/ it and put him in my room.  He just laid in there, not crying and soon enough it was quiet.  I've been able to do this a few times and it works! (assuming his sister isn't yelling MAH MAY over and over until I go to her room).

He's already gone from this..........

To this!!

They really look different the two of them......his sister looks just like her donor father and he is resembling me for sure.  I thought my daughter was looking like my side too, but then changed, so I am holding out on saying he looks like me for sure. But, I compared his picture at this age and hers....their eyes and noses look different.  Funny how genetics work! I was hoping they'd look similar (and maybe they will) for my daughter's sake because I don't want her to feel oddly out.....people already look at me, then her, and ask where her curls come from. Or they say she must look like her father. I just nod and say yes. Eventually she will understand the questions but for now, we'll just keep it going.

She is doing well and I have a separate post I'm going to do about all the things she is saying and doing these days, but I wanted to include these as they show her personality plus. Handful this one is. She is coming up w/ some seriously funny stuff and we've had some moments of laughing together--which I love.

Holidays are here and we had a nice Thanksgiving. We didn't fly anywhere....there was no way I was going to take a 2 year old and a newborn on a flight by myself. It's the first time I haven't been around a large group of people for the holiday in my whole life. That part was different, but we made the best of it. One of my babysitters is recently split from her husband and he took the kids to his family (new for her) and my other friend didn't fly home to California for the first time ever because she had just been there for a wedding. A lot of firsts for us all so we just decided to get together at my house and eat some good food. It all came together really well.....only mishap was I ordered a turkey meal from the grocery and assumed the turkey would be cooked. Well, it was, but it still needed to be in oven for over 2 hours. So, we ate all the sides first then had round two with the turkey and stuffing.
We also did these.....I had never done these before if you can believe. Sort of a right of passage when you have kids. They must be done.

Still off of work and will be for remainder of the year. I am taking time to enjoy my children and focus on getting as much rest where I can. I am also focusing on my health because it's so important being their sole parent.  I recently participated in our company's executive physical program where you go to the hospital for a whole day to get 'checked out' and it's all free!  I had all blood work done, chest x-ray, nutritional counseling, ekg, and some other things. It was all very well coordinated and they summarize results w/ you at the end of the day w/ the Dr.  Things overall look pretty good but I need to work on my weight and cholesterol (go hand in hand).  So, I started to work out again and it feels good. I am also thinking about doing a specific diet that a friend of mine is doing and has had great success. I am calling it a diet and not a lifestyle because it really is a diet. Not meant to be 'forever' but helps you to lose weight w/ their food and it's very a.tkin.s like. I want to try something different because I have done w.e.ight w.atchers over the years and I know the program but the last times I've done it (before children) I haven't stuck to it so why not try something different?  It is of utmost importance that I keep my health at the top of my list and addressing weight is part of that. I'm nervous about falling off the wagon when I get stressed--my trigger to eat poorly--and failing.  But, I have a different motivation now.

The other thing I decided to do was to have some cancer genetic screening done. My maternal fetal doctor was great in that she worried about my whole being, not just the baby. We talked at my post-partum visit and discussed getting another mammogram (found out can't do until 6 months out after baby) and given the cancer history in my family had I ever done the screening?  She had a good point and I decided to check into it, see if insurance covered, and do it. The history is my maternal great grandma died early from breast cancer (in 40's), my maternal grandmother died from breast cancer (in her 40's also and I never knew her--sad because from what my mom always said she was an amazing lady) and my mother died from a carcinoid in her abdomen that metastasized to her liver. Family history is not the best.  I am almost positive insurance will cover...I called them ahead of time and they said they do, however the lab was supposed to call me after they verified. I haven't heard back yet. By the way, for the testing I learned a ton I didn't know....as an example, for the BR.C.A gene 1 and 2, you can test positive, negative, or inconclusive. If you test positive you have an 85% chance that you will get breast cancer in your lifetime. Wow.

Even though I have been off of work I have remained super busy.  We are gearing up for Christmas and I am getting excited this year. I think because my daughter's excitement is infectious and she is starting to 'get it'. The live tree is bought and up (okay not decorated but at least in the house). Story behind that is--my idea was we'd have a nice family outing to get a tree fa-la-la-la.....well, it turned out that because I had both kids by myself I was sweating a lot, yes in December. My daughter kept wanting to dart in and out of the trees so I spent most of the time saying don't go too far, come back here, hang on a minute. My son got bitten by a mosquito. However, it was great because they hold each one for you, you pick it, they wrap it, put a stand on it, and put it on your car (you pay for that service, of course, but well worth it when you have two little ones in tow). Well, when I drove home and tried to drive under the carport I didn't realize the stand was sticking up as far as it was and the darn tree flew right off the back of my car. Broke the back windshield wiper on its way. I thought i would have to get a new tree stand but the neighbor fixed it. The tree itself sways more than it should and it makes me so mad, but hey, it is a beautiful tree.  I am so proud of myself because i even went to a craft fair and bought yard ornaments!! ME!! One is an ornament that says merry xmas and the others are two christmas presents.  I also bought a wreath for the door w/ a little snowman on it. I think my mom would be so proud too!

One last picture....I love it because even though it is blurry, it was one of the first interactive play times my children have had.  It was so cute. Well, until she started pulling at him and he started crying, but there will be years more of that to come. I have no idea why my daughter only has a diaper on....

Siblings

I often find myself wondering what kind of relationship my children will have....Will they like each other? Will they have a close bond?  We had our first meaningful interaction yesterday and it was just so cute to watch. We were in baby girl's room and baby boy was lying on the floor. I was talking to him and she came over. One thing we taught her was to use only one finger and touch his head. She does this and says "gentle, gentle" while swiping her finger on the top of his head. But yesterday baby boy turned his head toward her and I said oh wow, look, he's looking at you!! She thought that was GREAT! She started talking to him, put her head close by and said hi to him, laughed at him.  She bent in to give him small kisses on his head and hugged him. The cutest thing was she then leaned over and got a purple toy and put it right next to him and said-ah go (here you go). I praised her for sharing. It really was the first time she interacted with him, at least in front of me. It was just sooooo sweet when we were all interacting together. I hope we have many more of those moments.

The other milestone was that I am pretty sure baby boy smiled at me intentionally yesterday.  I was holding him in my arms in the kitchen and talking to him....saying HI my boy, etc.  He looked right at me and smiled. I talked some more and he did it again....I kept talking and he smiled a third time! I didn't think he would have gas 3 times in a row, so I'm going to call it and say he looked at me, heard me, and SMILED!!!!
Oh it was too cute.

This poor baby boy has continued to suffer w/ his gas and tummy troubles. I spent the entire night in the recliner holding him on and off day before yesterday because he would wake up and cry every time I put him down. It wasn't just that he wanted to be held because he would scrunch himself up and you could see it on his face. Also his belly gets really tight.  I just don't know what to do as we've done everything our Dr. has said to do. The only thing left is to try soy formula and the nurse said we could, but warned that it can be constipating. That's the last thing he needs, so I think we'll try and stick w/ what we have. It seems he does better for a few days and then backslides. This last backslide might have been due to putting his za.n.tac in his formula instead of just in his mouth. It seems it works much better giving it to him straight, however, he doesn't like it at all and has spit/vomited it a few times.  Ugh. It is exhausting for the both of us when he doesn't sleep, or sleeps little naps.

On the job front there may be something w/better fit inside company and I've also been looking outside.  I am not sure where it will lead but I have  been open to looking at a range of things, but I am still focused on this city and my old one. It is going to be very important to be around a community of people that I know.

Snooze

That's all I want to do right now. It has been a rough week or so.  I wanted to at least take a minute to acknowledge in my blog that 2 kids is hard sometimes....especially when you have a newborn that has been suffering from gas and now the Dr. thinks reflux for 5 weeks now. It. Is. Exhausting. Gas drops, probiotics, cycling legs, burping often, keeping head up, formula changes 4 times, now zan.t.ac.....I feel terrible for him. And my reaction today is I just want to go in my room, close the door, and be by myself and regroup. The funny thing is, I did get to do that today for first time in while.....I got to sleep this morning while babysitter had both of them. I'm pretty hard on myself because in my mind I keep thinking....well, I should feel better and rested.  I have to back off of that and think about the fact that it's just unrealistic to think that a morning nap can 'fix' weeks of broken sleep.

I have to write this quick before my 2 year old comes back from babysitter's house and/or my newborn starts fussing.

Also, to acknowledge that just reading other S.MC blogs makes me feel so much better. I read another blog that talked about a mom and her worries.  It is amazing how much better I feel when I read about things that I worry/think about too. That's why this forum is so great. It makes me feel normal and it makes me feel like I can do this when it gets tough. The fact that I can relate to others in my shoes feels good.
I feel overwhelmed right now w/ trying to manage on the broken sleep and the reality of starting a job search is sinking in. I can tell stress level is rising because I have started snacking more.

Okay, baby starting to fuss. Gotta go.

I know it will get better--hey, maybe even tomorrow.

I remember a friend of mine who has an 8 year old and 10 year old said that I can just plan on things sucking for 2 years i.e. having a newborn w/ a 2 year old.  Well, I don't plan on that....however, I will plan on acknowledging that this is hard....even w/ help of babysitters!

2

Let me start off THIS post by saying that naive mom strikes again.....I was so delighted last post that I hadn't seen any rough/aggressive behavior from baby girl towards her brother that I thought we were in for smooth sailing....HA.
Over the last several days we have had a few incidents where baby girl has not been very nice. And what I mean by that is--she dumped the baby out of his roc.k an.d pl.ay, headbutted him, and side swiped his head with her hand while running by.  I am about to research toddler behavior w/ new baby and see what can be done to help her understand more that this is obviously not okay.  I've taken the approach to sit her down immediately and tell her NO, that hurts the baby. She says okay and moves on......but then does things again. As an example, the headbutt. She leaned over his rocker onto him and I said no, that can hurt the baby. She stood back up, but then quickly leaned over him again.  I physically pulled her back up and said again, NO, that can hurt the baby, we don't do that.  Well, she proceeded to lean over again much faster and knocked her head against his--I don't think she meant to headbutt on purpose, but she certainly meant to defy what I was telling her. It is clearly to get attention because she does it when the adult (me or babysitters) are near the baby i.e. she does it right in front of us all.  Maybe she initially thought the new baby was new and cool and now that she realizes he's not going anywhere she's reacting. Will see what I can find.
Also open to any suggestions for those of you who have two and have seen this from your own little ones and what might have worked.

We have continued to have tummy trouble w/ baby boy. He seems to be fine one minute then gas hits him and he screams out....it wakes him up and keeps him from sleeping.  He has a ton of gas and his toots are manly.  At his one month appointment the Dr. recommended we switch to a low lactose formula (also a suggestion in one of the comments) and initially it seemed to help (this is his 3rd formula now). Where it has gone awry is now that he is trying to digest to the point of pooping....OH EM GEE. yesterday was terrible for him. At times he was inconsolable.....and finally he pooped late afternoon after 2 days of not pooping. Was a little better then he started up again early last evening....I thought he was hungry. Babysitter said no. Babysitter was right because we gave him one ounce extra and he barfed all over everything--and pooped again at the same time. I had just bathed him before the bottle, but he was so yucky that we threw him back in the sink and started over.

With two there are things that are so amazing and awesome and things that are really challenging....here's a snapshot of what I've learned so far:

Challenging:
--not enough hands. When both are screaming/crying/need something I have to say to myself, zone defense
--not enough sleep.  Baby boy eats every 2.5-3 hours (eats 4 oz.) and it takes about 30 minutes....then he doesn't always fall right back to sleep.  Baby Girl is still waking at least once a night, it seems.
--stress level when both are cranky-fied.
--keeping a two year old occupied all day long when you have to man a newborn.
--being limited with going out (even outside) because the baby should really stay in until a little older.

On the flip side.....even though some days are tough.....There are things I love about having two:
--sitting in the rocker with baby boy on my left and baby girl on my right--sometimes reading
--baby girl walks by and kisses the top of baby boy's head, or when she gently holds his hand
--watching my girl play and holding baby boy against my chest
--seeing the excitement for baby girl when time to change his diaper--she has to jump up on the table too
--when we are all sitting together baby girl says Picture!....she wants one taken

Overall I will say it is hard, but very worth it. I know it will get better when baby boy is sleeping more/better. I am hopeful that baby girl does too.
It's funny how when I only have one I now think it's a break.

As an update on the job front, the company talked to me about a position that really isn't a good fit for a single mom w/ two small children (far commute and big big job) so I actually withdrew from consideration. Most likely that means I will be leaving my company end of year. I have already started talking w/ recruiters about new opportunities. My preference is to stay here for next 2.5 years or so because I have such a good support system and it is just necessary when they are this little. But, I have to be open to move for the right opportunity. I am only considering here and my old city. I need to be where I know people.
Will see how all of it progresses.
I am trying my best not to let the job situation stress me out such that I don't spend time enjoying the time while baby boy is a newborn and I am off of work (and still getting paid).
That is what is important right now and I remind myself of that often.