A lot of what I was told when I first had kids is true....a lot of the 'just you wait' or 'you'll see' kind of advice you didn't want to hear back then (at least me anyway) and didn't think much about because I still had babies. I didn't know what they were talking about and really didn't pay much attention because I had enough to focus on--a bit of in the ear out the other.
But, now that my kids are a bit bigger, are a bit older.....the advice given back then seems to be ringing true. The one that comes to mind is: "It doesn't get easier, it gets different". "Bigger Kids = Bigger Problems". Now that I have a 5 and 7 year old yes, physically things are much easier. No more lugging around a diaper bag and stroller and bottles and nuni's and everything that comes with babies and toddlers. They can now buckle themselves in, I just have to sometimes open the door.
But what we are dealing with now I'd take fighting about nap time any day.
About a month ago at night time my daughter came to me crying from her room saying she had a bad dream. I knew she wasn't in there long enough to fall asleep and dream, so I said maybe it was just a bad thought and let's focus on our happy thoughts. That wasn't working so I asked her what she was so upset about. She paused for a minute, then it all came out....she told me she was worried about me dying. Tears streaming down her face.
My stomach just fell. Because.....I used to have the exact same worry when I was her age. That's how my life with anxiety all started. It just hit me that oh no. Oh dear. Oh SH*&t. Is this what she will be facing?
We talked a bit more about the fact that I am here, she is safe, I'm not planning to go anywhere and that I'll likely be an old grandma to her kids someday. She did settle down, but think that was just a blip of what was to come.
I do find that I am still not sure how much of their bigger kid life to write about. One day I think they will come back and read this, or just having others know specific details about my baby...I don't know. I guess I'll just share the details I am comfortable with and see how that goes.
Suffice it to say about 3 weeks ago she had gone to the nurse at school and the nurse told her she might have had signs of fainting. She didn't know what that was so after school into the evening she wasn't acting like herself. I asked if her tummy hurt because we had a virus going around the family...and she finally let it all out that she thought that fainting meant she was going to die (and why a grownup would even say that to a child and not explain it I have no idea. I did talk to the nurse and she did confirm she said it).
Unfortunately that incident started something in her because since then, the poor kid has had physical symptoms of difficulty breathing, throat closing, worried day and night about smells and just about everything, and crying spells where she's been inconsolable. She missed a few days at school because she just wasn't able to function. She's only 7. It has been gut wrenching to see her go through this.
I initially thought (hoped) the symptoms would just go away with some sleep and her feeling better from the virus, but that didn't happen. However, thank the lord that now it's been about 3 weeks or so, they have eased up considerably. She still has worries that she asks me and her teachers about, but it seems to be more manageable.
Since it all started, I've been trying to navigate what do I do, what does she need, where do I take her? It's been really overwhelming without any clear answers. I took her to the pediatrician after the first week and she suggested a play therapist. Then I made some appointments to interview them so we could go. I also talked to the school counselor, the school social worker, her teachers at conferences (they reiterated a lot of what I knew from my girl), her pediatrician again, and made a few other psychologist appointments because the play therapist seems like a joke. I'm having a hard time paying for someone to play jenga with her and not ask any questions.
The hard part about navigating is that there are SO many provides and some take insurance, some don't. What I'm finding is that because our city is so big, that those that are "good"/ "reputable" do not take insurance. That by itself wouldn't be as hard to deal with if they actually had appointments. Some have waitlists until January. I've gotten recommendations from everyone I can ask.
In the meantime I need her to see someone so we've stuck w/ the play therapist until I can find someone else that I think is better for us.
There's nothing worse for me than for my child to be in pain and I can't fix it. I'm thinking this might just be the beginning of a journey......but what I know for darn sure is that I will advocate, advocate, advocate. I will push hard and really do whatever it takes to get us what I think is needed.
It really has been so hard....for all of us. My son doesn't know what's going on but he has picked up my lingo when things get tough.....he says 'Sis, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay'.
Yes, it will be okay, but right now.....it's just hard.
Not knowing anything about your play therapist I hate to offer advice but.... a couple of years ago my 11 year old granddaughter was having issues, much related to anxiety that could also be seen as behavioral outburst ( but we could see that anything new, even leaving the house could make her more nervous, anxious with a lot of somatic symptoms). Anyhow my daughter talked to me several times with complaints that she was paying for "just playing games, sometimes not even talking .... " but as time went my GD relaxed, opened up more actually liked going to see ..... and things got way better. Sadly this counselor retired , my GD has been doing much better but still wish she could talk to her occasionally to help her. Just a funny this counselor had a known history of being a tough one and not putting up with any behavior shenanigans! (My daughter in laws a social worker). My GD had always been very fussy about eating, snacks, routines, wanting things the same ...... and seemed to have tantrums a lot of evenings about snacks etc. so we thought she'd whip her into shape with tough love etc. ha! She had my daughter do hersnacks just so and deliver it to her in bed at night (bed side table with the counselor really identifying that many of her outbursts were anxiety driven). So this is long but I think this is normal for play therapy. My daughters views on it changed.
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