I’ve had so many thoughts about writing posts—and have taken notes in
my phone just so I wouldn’t forget. It’s been almost a month again.
Sheesh. Well, I have to give myself some
leeway since it’s been somewhat nuts at work, I had to travel and work a really
big layoff, we’ve had soccer on the weekends (just ended this past Saturday and
we really loved it), preparing for a big 5th birthday this month (at
least I already have her present a unicorn kite!)…she wanted a unicorn theme. I’m
still working on the cake, I’d rather have it taste good then be super pretty.
Ideally it’s both, but you can spend a lot for a fancy cake that doesn’t taste
that great. A girl at work told me about a Mexican bakery she’s in love with
and had brought some of her daughter’s to work. It was amazing….Think we will
try it this year. It’s not at all close to home, but for good cake….I’ll drive.
Also preparing
for Kindergarten to start August 16th. This one I’m just feeling so anxious about. I
can’t help it. When I say I have a 4 and
2 year old my babies are still little. When you say 5, it just seems so much
more grown up and older. I’ve also not even set foot in the school so perhaps
that’s where some of my anxiety comes from. We have to register tomorrow since
I missed the Spring registration and we are all going to go and least get a
feel for it. So registration is tomorrow and then she’ll be assigned a teacher.
THEN, they have a ‘meet the teacher night’ next Wednesday August 9th
with a Kinder orientation after that—similar to what they did in the Spring.
A few weeks ago
I did actually call about the one school that’s public, but it’s run more like
a private school—they wear uniforms and it’s a classical arts academy that’s
founded on classical literature. It’s more about teaching how to think versus
how to take tests. That’s the one big concern I have about our current school—it
is SO BIG and, test taking is a big deal here—and I’m worried about homework. I
just HOPE they don’t do homework for kindergarten. The academy has a waitlist of 82 and we are
now 83. I didn’t necessarily think we’d get in (or really was hoping to just
yet), but apparently you had to apply to see how far down the waitlist you were
and curiosity got the better of me. I guess my plan has been to try
Kindergarten at our school and see how it goes, but it never hurts to look at
options.
I tried to be
proactive a few weeks ago in connecting with other moms going to our school and
sent an email to the distribution for our neighbourhood moms network--just
asking if anyone has any experience with the school etc would they be
interested in talking? I got no takers….sigh. Well, not true the lady that runs
the group sent me a note just yesterday and said she’d be happy to talk.
Actually she scheduled a moms night get-together this Thursday for those with
kids going into Kinder in our area. I decided I would go and talk to her
there. She said in her note that they
knew no one when they first started school and that’s exactly how we are. I
wonder if community-building will be easier at Kindergarten than it was at
preschool?
We have to do
some school clothes shopping because neither of the kids have a lot of clothes
for Fall and my son will start preschool in September. They don’t start until
after Labor day and they have a meet the teacher Sept 1. I’ve already met her twice and she seems
great. I’m nervous about him starting, but for different reasons. He has never
been in the care of someone he doesn’t know. It’s either been me or our nanny
or old nanny, etc.. Never w/ a classroom setting or w/ strangers, etc.. I know
you have to start somewhere, but my little guy is so sensitive. I worry more
about him at school than my girl.
Big changes—kindergarten,
preschool, my job will change next month sept 1.
We’ve also had
a breakthrough w/ language and I couldn’t be more excited. All of sudden it just started happening. He
came home from speech therapy several weeks ago and nanny says, tell mama the
word you learned….and he said GOooooooo! Clear as day. I went wild for him and
clapped, gave hugs, and told him how proud I was of him. Said a lot of woop
woops….and of course he would say GO again the rest of the day and look right
at me for my continued support;)
He’s also
started saying:
PUH-PUH: purple
NoNoNoNo: self
explanatory
Boo: blue
Buh: Butt—he laughs
hysterically when he points and says this
Uh-Oh:uhoh
Reh: Red
Cah: car
Mama: me! He
tries to get my attention all the time by saying AH! AH! Really really loud. I
stop him and say, “How do you ask for mama?” and he quietly says, “Mama”.
Nah-Nah: Nanny’s
name
Doooow: Down
(usually pointing his finger from up to down)
Na-Na: banana
Aaaapuh: apple
Meee: me…when
we read a story and one of the characters has done something I’ll say, ‘who did
that?” He gets this big ole smile and taps himself on the chest and says, “Meeeee!”
I’ll say, “You did that?!” and he just laughs.
He’s really
starting to imitate other words now when he hears people say things….I’ve also
noticed he’s trying to talk along w/ songs or tv shows. He’s making the
appropriate sounds when counting, although can’t really tell the numbers yet.
AND….most importantly
(I think?) is that he’s using words to actually communicate. Last night he
wanted a yogurt so I opened the fridge and pointed to the red capped one….he
said ‘puh-puh’. He wanted the purple cap!!! It is just so exciting to see his
language blossom and it’s kind of fun to wonder what he’s going to learn next.
Language has
been a bit like crawling and walking….he did both of those on his own schedule
and now it’s the same w/ words. It also seems like the concern the therapist
had earlier on whether he had apraxia (trouble getting the words out) isn’t
really an issue. I’m going to confirm that during next visit just to be sure. Seems
it really is just delayed speech. We’ve known his cognition is right on track
the whole time.
On the flip
side he’s in the pooping/peeing phase i.e. takes off his clothes and poops and
pees all over his bed during nap. Gets it on his hands, etc.. So disgusting. I
swear all kids go through this, why oh why??!! He’s done it twice now when I’ve
put him down for nap and he clearly has no intention of taking one. He thinks
it’s absolutely hilarious when I come and ask him what the heck he did. He’s
also had several really grouchy days…..he folds his arms in front of himself
and gets the ‘mad look’ when he doesn’t like something. He’s also into hitting
me the minute I walk in the door when I come home from work. It’s been every
day for a few weeks now. Nothing seems to help. Having him come to me first,
having me bend down and pay attention to him right away, etc.. nothing. I
remember my girl going through this phase that whenever I came home she had
melt downs—even though she was fine all day and even the few minutes before I
got there. I think I read that it’s possible they are angry you are gone and
don’t know how to express that so they hit you. So, I at least ask him, ‘where
you mad mama was gone?”….he says yes, but I am not sure he knows why he’s doing
it. He’s only two. Yesterday was tough they both were crying and carrying
on. I just sat in the chair, turned on
cartoons, and let them get it out of their system. After about half an hour it
was calm again. Takes a lot of patience at the end of the day when both of them
are in a mood.
I had a really
tough conversation w/ my sister yesterday. She’s decided to come for my girl’s
birthday but I’m concerned about having a repeat of Christmas (where she barely
spoke, very insensitive, making snarky comments about me/kids, created a ton of
tension in the air, etc). That was the worst trip and frankly I don’t want that
kind of energy coming to the house for a birthday. I’m still upset actually
that she hasn’t apologized. It’s funny because not long ago she was saying how
she was mad at my Dad for acting crazy, not realizing how his behaviour impacted
others, hid away after acting like that, etc.. Yeah, ummmm….sounds familiar.
So, I
confronted her with it. I wanted to get it out in the air before she came. I
started by asking how she was feeling i.e. does she think this trip will be
better? I asked if things do get bad, what is an action plan we can have so we
can address right then and there…..and THEN I reminded her what she said about
our Dad (this was sensitive because she does not like it when I compare her to
him) and that how things went at Christmas wasn’t far from that. And that I was
upset that she never apologized or thought about how her behavior impacted me.
She got pretty
quiet and said she never thought of it from that perspective. I think that’s
part of the issue. She spends a lot of time stewing in her own head and not
really stepping back to see the whole picture. She said she didn’t want to
apologize then and there because I would think she did it just because I asked
her to. I told her I didn’t expect an apology right then but my biggest thing
was I just didn’t want a repeat. She said she would think about it, and I guess
that’s fine for now.
I do hope she
thinks about it….the thing is, for me it’s more about my kids and not exposing
them to that tension.
Another little
drama was with old nanny Amy. She lives about 5-6 hours from here and her
family isn’t super supportive of her coming to visit as often as she does
(maybe once a month), well, really even when we lived there her spending time
w/ my family. She’s got a husband and a 15 year old daughter. Her daughter has a lot of anxieties and when
younger suffered from terrible separation anxiety. Now, it’s more some
obsessive behaviors (fixating on things) and still some anxiety. It’s become a
battle for her to explain that she sees my kids like grandkids and wants them
to remember her and be part of their lives. They don’t really understand that
and don’t really like her being gone. She does a lot for them like most of the
cooking, driving daughter around, etc..My view is they don’ t like it because
it disrupts their lives and frankly w/ the daughter some jealousy. Somewhat
understandable because kids that age, in their mind it is all about them.
I try to stay
pretty far away from it and provide help/support when asked because I don’t
necessarily agree w/ some of the things the family does (including her sisters).
That’s for her to handle. However, it came to a head because just yesterday she
said she wasn’t coming for my girl’s birthday. Uh, what? She even told my girl
she was coming and it kind of came out of the blue. Apparently her daughter had said some things
to her when she came back from last trip that got her thinking she shouldn’t
come. I told her ultimately it was up to her……I certainly don’t know what it’s
like to answer to someone else, but it would be disappointing. I guess today she is looking at flights.
I’m just
confused.
It just all
feels like way too much drama. I’m just
trying to have a party for my girl and want to have a good time. Adults get it
together for the sake of my almost 5 year old. Period.
What it also
brings up for me is that I feel somewhat lonely right now. I don’t feel like I have
‘that person’ right now that I can rely on when things feel crazy to just let
it out, they will understand, and say it’s going to be fine. I’ve thought of my
mom a lot these last few weeks because I think there just is no replacing the
unconditional love of a mother. That’s really what I crave right now. I think when she was alive back until 2008 that’s
the last time I truly felt that unwavering support. No matter the situation I could always depend
on her with no strings attached. Maybe I was so fortunate that I had such
strong feelings and such a tight bond with her that nothing will compare. I’ve
really tried to piece it all together and realize that no one is perfect,
different friends come into your life for different reasons. Amy is in my life the most and even then it’s
not simple because of the distance and issues w/ her family. She’s also never been in a professional job
and in corporate America so we don’t really connect on that either.
Like I said, no
one is perfect….and trust me, I’ll pull up my bootstraps and make whatever I
need to work, work. Sometimes being so
strong for yourself and your kids (and being responsible for everything) all
the time is just hard. Maybe that’s all this is.
I know it will
turn out, things will be fine for her party regardless of who’s there and how
they show up. My new job will be fine,
even though at times I still think about throwing in towel, taking a severance,
and riding off into the sunset with my littles…
I know it will
be fine. I’ll be sure to make it so.
No comments:
Post a Comment