I'm sitting here in my son's nursery and slowly things are being packed up and taken out of the house. I have a super sad feeling in the pit of my stomach and on the verge of tears several times. It just seems so final....perhaps because I accepted the job, built the plan to move, and now it's finally here. This is where I brought my son home to....this is the first nursery I put together before the baby was born! All of our toys are packed up....there are stray puzzle pieces, blocks, plastic thingys. Oh moving is emotional. I will so dearly miss the support we have here w/ the babysitters and their families. They have been a lifeline for me...my one babysitter was even in the delivery room for my son. She has really treated us like family and I think what has gotten me about leaving here is...I feel that someone has my back, like for real has my back, no matter what happens. If I were to get sick.....if I were to need to travel out of town....if my cat needed emergency vet, whatever comes up I know that I can depend on them. It's something I haven't felt since my mom passed. That was pure unconditional love and I've been going it alone in terms of responsibility, it seems, since then. I do everything myself--buy houses, move, have kids, take out the trash, travel, get new jobs, etc. the list goes on and on. I just got to experience having not only physical but some emotional support that was unwavering (at least that's how I feel). I got to experience having someone down the street pop in pretty much everyday.....and love on my kids. Love them and want to spend their free time w/ them--and me. Maybe just the companionship I will miss a lot. Having another adult to bounce things off of, ask questions about how to do X w/ the kids, ask what could be wrong w/ the baby, someone to go w/ me to the Dr. for all the appointments my kids have had.
Okay now I am crying.....shew-ee.
Deep breaths, it will be okay. Big picture is I could have stayed here longer, but the education system leaves a lot to be desired and I just don't think private religious school is for me. That's what most folks do around here given the public system is so sub-par. And, job outlook was pretty bleak....the jobs I looked into here had salaries significantly lower than what I can earn in my old city. Money isn't everything, but I've decided that my current profession helps me pay to have the help I'd like to have w/ raising the kids. Parenting is dang hard, especially w/ a 2 year old and a baby. I do enjoy having some professional 'brain time'.
My short term goal was to go back to my industry until my son gets into school, then figure it out from there. That's 5 years. A lot can happen in that time frame. I'll put in the universe I want to our family to remain healthy.
I started my job....I left the kids over here and worked on the 1st, 2nd, then came back for the weekend. When I came back it was sooo tough--my son had an ear infection, my daughter super fussy, my baby sitter had a respiratory infection, and I had strep throat...and my cat was super sick too. Almost all of us were on antibiotics. I barely had a voice the first few days I was working and swallowing felt like sandpaper. My daughter spiked a fever on the Sunday I was supposed to drive back and I just said no, I just can't leave like this. So, I sent a note to my new boss and said I would fly over that Monday morning. He was totally okay and understood considering he's moved before w/ little ones too. But he has a wife at home managing things. I just flew back this past Saturday morning and the movers are now here today to get going.
Usually bumps in the road w/ the movers....this time it's delivery. They are packing us up today and not able to deliver until Mon/Tues next week. WHAT?! I about lost it. What am I supposed to do w/ 2 kids, a cat, and we won't have our stuff until a week from now.
So, I'm trying to roll w/ it. They are taking our stuff and I am keeping enough to stay in our house until Sat/Sun this weekend. Then me, kids, cat, and babysitter will head the 5 1/2 hour drive to the apartment...have some picnics until we get furniture and tv, new nanny will start on Monday too (I hope). A little nervous about the nanny because she hasn't even started and she asked to move her start date--but that ultimately didn't need to happen--and take 2 days off for sinus surgery in 2 weeks. I negotiated w/ her on waiting an additional two weeks so I could get more settled and back up care in place. She is young....but she has a lot of energy and has a very sweet disposition. Her references were outstanding. This is where I have to go on blind faith and hope it works out....and we just try. Worst case she's not a fit and I'll have to continue the search. There are no perfect situations and we've had our fair share of ups/downs even w/ the current babysitters. Both of their daughters have had issues along the way that we've just had to work through.
So I managed to get the apartment, buy a house (closing april 29th), get a nanny, start my new job, hire a general contractor for major house renovation, stop all utilities and start in new place (minus a few), travel back and forth, deal w/ my poorly sleeping children due to sickness and allergies, and see my cat get much much better......thank you lord.
I hear the tape ripping in the other room and they are getting close to finishing the inside of the house. I kept our tv/internet for the rest of the week and some clothes/toys/food, etc. Enough to live off of....I think babysitter will let us bring a recliner down for a few days just so we have something to sit on. I kept a blow up air mattress and a pack/play and rock/play for the 2 kids to sleep in. I am sooo hopeful that if they are still in their rooms, even if in different beds, they might just sleep better than if we were at babysitter's house.
We are going to rent a car for babysitter to drive w/ me.....will need it for all the stuff I kept here. I am so, so thankful she is coming w/ and staying maybe a week. I learned coming over here that it is just an overwhelming task to move.....and do it by yourself w/ 2 kids would be insane.
We are going to the Dr. on Thursday for my son's 6 month well baby visit. Wow. He is a droolin' fool and has to have teeth popping soon. He is such a smushy, lovey little guy. And, still take a lot to nap.
Lots of changes....I have to just continue to breathe and stay focused. It will be okay. I have been running on fumes these last several weeks. Even my eyelids have wanted to stay shut when I blink. I seriously have been worried something is wrong w/ them because I have to consciously use muscles to blink back up.
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