Bold Move

I don't know what's gotten into me, but I'm already thinking about the holidays.  Last night I was laying on the floor (after I rolled off the couch) and was planning to get up. But, I just laid there in the quiet and some thoughts came to me. I don't have fun w/ my extended family at Thanksgiving. I really don't.  It's like we fly up and are there, but are there on our own.  

Our whole lives we've gone to my mom's brother's for Thanksgiving. I used to absolutely love it growing up (my cousin is only a few weeks older than I am), and the fun/activities we used to do, so much fun. Over time as my mom got sick, it got harder and harder....and looking back I realized she was the center of that fun.  She was warm, loving, inclusive, and always was planning something cool for us to do.....roller skating, we always bought our live christmas tree there and hauled it back 5 hours home on the top of the car, we visited her mom's grave (which was always so touching since she passed away when my mom was only in her 20's), we ate popcorn balls in my grandpa's basement when he was still alive, going to fish fry's....oh the memories...just wonderful.

Now, fast forward to after my mom passed and the first year I didn't go. Just couldn't.  However, the last four years I've gone, and took baby girl last year.  It was important for me to take her to meet them since they are, of course, her blood family/second cousins, etc..Even though the travel was okay, we just didn't interact very much....remember I had to ask my aunt to hold the baby.....it's like we all get together for the meal, catch up somewhat awkwardly since we really only see them once a year, then next day we split off and do shopping--I go only w/ my sister, then we get back together to celebrate a birthday on Friday night, then we go home on Saturday.  Frankly, I talk more to my cousin on the phone then I do in person when we are there. She's got four kids, is busy, and does her own thing.  I also realized the whole family is not extremely warm.....they don't hug/smile a lot.  I'm making them out to sound miserable, they really aren't.
It just is somewhat awkward, not really a lot of fun.

I realized I was going out of a made up obligation in my mind, versus really looking forward to going.  That's just not what I want for me, or for my girl.

So, I have one of the best friends ever and his family has been the polar opposite of what I described above w/ my daughter.....they have mailed her gifts for holidays, sent cards on mother's day, we did f.a.c.etime when they visited my friend in the northeast so they could see the baby. I have kept them up to date w/ emails and pictures.  It was funny, but when we were on the phone face chat, my friend called his parents grandma and grandpa to my daughter....and at first I was like, ooooh, I hope they are okay w/ that....and then I thought, I DO want them to be like that for my daughter.  That's exactly what I would pick out for her---I can see them light up when she comes to their house, fawn over here, want to hold her, play w/ her etc. We got none of that at my extended family.  Sure they held her a bit, but when the excitement wore off, they were just fine to just hang out.

So.....I made the bold decision.  I am not going to my extended family for Thanksgiving. I just booked a flight to my friend's parent's house up north.  I feel so good about it, too.

It's more about what memories do I want to start creating for my daughter.  That's not to say we won't ever go again to my family, but for this year, this seems right.  I really want them to meet her in person, instead of just pictures and video.  And get this, it's not just my friends parents that I am excited to see.....both of his grandparents are still living.  That would be like great grandparents for my daughter.  How cool is that.......

On another note, I cancelled my appointment for my consultation.  I was super busy last Wednesday and decided it can wait.  Actually, it's a good thing I did because when I called to reschedule the woman (who was one of the only ones who had it together last go round) told me it's better if I wait even longer so I don't have to re-do anything and all of my labs will be very fresh. I told her what the original lady said that if I got testing now, it's good for 6 months....she said that even if they did it now, many of them they would re-do anyway closer to Sept/Oct.
Glad I didn't waste my time. So now I am not scheduled to go until August. She also thought ahead and not only will I go for consult, but I will have blood labs, and HSG (w/ the dye to check my tubes, etc. and it hurt last time), and an annual.

I am set. Now, back to focusing on losing weight and getting a bit more healthy. I am proud of how I have done w/ my eating, but I haven't gotten in the groove for exercise. I am almost thinking I need to rent the treadmill again. I know it didn't work well last time, but thinking back to that...just had the baby, was up every three hours, still in high learning curve.....last thing I wanted to do was get on a treadmill.  But, now we are in a groove, she goes to bed routinely at the same time so I can do it after she goes to sleep, and I've refocused.