Last Day of 2024

Hard to believe, isn't it? A whole year has gone by and here we are. New Year's Eve of 2024. We've taken to staying home for this holiday and do 'little' fireworks w/ the 3 of us, or whatever neighbor might be around in our cul-de-sac.

Our haul from the yellow box shop in front of the grocery store. A little of everything.

Today I took a bunch of kiddos to the roller rink this afternoon--my girl and her friends Parker and Macy, and my son/his friend Aarav. It worked out well because Tuesday's are cheap skate day $5 admission, both my kids have roller blades, so for a few dollars you can have 3 hours of fun! Also, my girl's friend Selina met us over there w/ her cousin and little sister. Kid's really enjoyed it, good music, good times.

We've needed some time to recuperate from Christmas because the week before the holiday my girl went to a birthday party for our neighbor's grandkids at a gymnastics place (maybe Dec 14 or 15). I knew before she went it might not be the best idea because they are filthy....well, sure enough a day or so later she starts coughing/congestion, achy, etc.. No fever, thank goodness but it really took her out during exam week and she even stayed home on that Wednesday Dec 18th. She was able to take all of her tests, but man was she sick. I saw our neighbor last week and she said 2 of the 3 grandkids got the same thing and were coughing up a storm. GRRRR....if that wasn't bad enough, my girl was sick for a whole week, THEN....both my and my son's throats started to hurt, coughing, congestion and WE got sick right in time for Christmas. So sad.  We were sick through the holiday and just over the last few days have we all started to finally feel better. It's been rough.

Nothing like being sick over the holidays.  It made for a so-so visit when my sister came. She flew in on the evening of the 21st and went home on the 27th. In a nutshell, I still have high hopes for when she visits, and often times I just get let down. I really just struggle w/ her when we are in person together. The last time I saw her was last December, but we talk on the phone almost every day.  I was already feeling sick and irritable, thus I got a bit more anxious....so it started going downhill when my sister asked to drive my daughter to a store, just she/her. My sister is a terrible driver. Really just bad. At first I tried to show her a 'back way' to go to the store so there wouldn't be much traffic, but she complained about that idea. Then the next day when she wanted to go I just said no. I don't want her driving her. I'd rather have my sister mad, then worry as much as I would. So when I told her no, she just started saying why not? What's different now? Just totally not rolling w/ it and saying ok, no problem. THEN, she gets her feelings hurt and shuts down. Totally stops talking to me. She can sit there for hours without saying a word. In addition to the icing out, she can just be so selfish. She plops herself down on the first day and doesn't offer to help with lunch or dinner or cleaning up. Nothing. That upset me a lot because we've discussed this before and I've explained how when she comes, it's not vacation...I don't want another person to 'take care of', I need her help. Her behavior reminds me a lot of my Dad. Like her eating all the guacamole in one sitting and not even asking if anyone wanted some. Her not noticing how sick I was feeling and when I asked her to make the rice for dinner she refused saying she didn't know how. I fussed back and said READ the box!

There's a lot of little things, but there's a lot behind those little things....She's had some backslides in self-medicating i.e. abusing prescription medication. No idea what she takes and when. It's just non-negotiable to me when it comes to my kids. In addition to that, she is just emotionally fragile. The thing is, she's like a little turtle....she comes out of her shell, feels upset or mad, then puts her head back in the shell and stays there. It's not fun to be around at all. It's very stressful for me and triggering for me when she gets quiet because then I wonder ok, is she sick, is she mad? What's going on? I read online about this behavior and it's like emotional manipulation. She feels the "I'm mad" so Im going to control the situation by not talking.  Also, she reminds me a lot of my Dad. She can be negative, you feel like you walk on eggshells, no idea what they are thinking, selfish.  It got to the point where I had had it because I just felt so much stress and tension. I wasn't enjoying myself at all. So when the kids were outside playing I laid it out and said look, I'm not going to take the silent treatment anymore. I have a right to decide what my children do. Stop being selfish  (example 1, 2) and start thinking of others and start helping. I got upset and was crying....because there had just been so much tension built up. I was not feeling well and spent a lot of time in my room...some because I was sick and some because I just didn't want to be around her, her attitude, and her behavior.

It just wasn't a good visit, for the most part. I didn't feel well...she had her struggles....I probably wasn't the nicest to her when I was upset, I will admit that. But I think a lot of it falls in the...I'm disappointed bucket. I hope and hope that she can be the person I want her to be.....and she just falls short. The thing is....how she behaved this time wasn't new. I'm in a place where I don't know how to change my expectations to just step back and realize she's a somewhat broken person. She has physical and mental health struggles and that's just who she is. She hasn't been able to be consistent and strong for me, so that I can rely on her. We've had periods of trying, things improve....and here's the most interesting thing....over the phone, as much as we talk....it's so much better when we talk on the phone?! How is it that with all the conversations we have, me helping her /w her business, etc.. that when it's in person, it just falls apart? 

I don't know.....I guess I just have to try and focus on controlling what I can, and focus on my own well being.

I can't say the entire holiday was a bust....the gift giving went extremely well this year! I had started shopping and organizing in Oct or so, so by the time the holiday was here I only had a few things to do. It was WAY less stressful so I think I will keep that up. Also, I ended up going back to using a spreadsheet to keep who's giving what to who so I could not drive myself crazy w/ trying to remember. That worked out great. My girl's 'big gift' was a really large lego set with trees, ziplines, etc. and my son's was a soccer goal that fits between the two trees in our cul de sac 12 ft by 6 feet. Really pleasantly surprised w/ the quality. Of course he guessed it when he saw the long box wrapped next to the tree.

I tried to think through what all happened in 2024 but I'm going to have to re-read my blog to remind myself. Overall I think we had a good year....oh, and the best thing yet? My son over the last week or so has been in such a good mood it's like a new kid is in the house. He said he's gotten better sleep, so I know a lot of his struggles are related to being tired. We've had a lot of fun together.

I have a big birthday coming next year. I have some feelings about it.  I'll explain more after I get there.

Happy New Year and here's to a great 2025!!!

Thanksgiving and more

We just celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday at our neighbors' house. It was nice to be offered to come again (we went last year), and I didn't have to make a big meal or travel anywhere. We all know that's not my thing. But, I did make a corn casserole and brought sodas, so at least I contributed something. My neighbor is from England and this was his parents' first time celebrating the holiday. Overall it was pretty uneventful and easy. We walked over around 3pm (after finishing up watching football) and were there for a few hours and home by around 530. We were all exhausted because my girl did a Turkey Run in the morning with her friend Selina/her Dad. She decided to run the 5k w/ them, so we were all up at 6am, she left w/ them around 645, my son and I left around 715. It was a huge race w/ over a few thousand people, so we stood w/ them prior to the race, then watched at the start and finish lines....just sat on the grass by the road. She was crazy nervous the night before...she kept worrying she'd be last, and of course that wasn't the case, but I kept trying to explain it's about having fun and doing your own personal best. She was proud she ran in 30 min 30 sec...for not having been training distance, pretty good.

It's been really busy lately....even though the kids were off of school this week, it's been packed for all of us--my girl with therapy visit (not too impressed with this one, but jury still out), basketball open gym, wanting to decorate inside house/set up the x-mas tree, ortho visit, party at her friend's house, Turkey race; my son had allergy shots, ortho visit, a party at his friend's house we all went to;  and for me running them to all this stuff as well as grocery store, pest control, issue w/ tenant hearing beeping (was able to get my neighbor to stop by and turned out to be carbon monoxide detector battery), designer appointment for remodel, online shopping. After looking back it makes sense I was exhausted yesterday! Today, Friday, I am just relaxing at home, scheduled to go nowhere. Kids are running in/out of house as the weather is beautiful. In fact, I just called watch to see where they were (sand park) and to check in.

My girl started basketball a month or so ago and it's a good thing I waited to write about it, because my thoughts have changed quite a bit. Our middle school has around 850 kids. About 50 7th grade girls tried out for 36 spots. They have an A, B, and C team based on level. She was hoping for A team, but would be ok w/ B.  They had tryouts for 3 days starting Oct 23, 24, 25, then after a few more days of practice the following week they told them what team they were on.  She texted me and said she made A team! I was SO excited for her. They continued to practice, then their first game was on Nov 6 where she didn't start, but got to play and did quite well....caused the other team to make some turn overs and scored 2 points. So, the next day I was completely surprised when after school we texted:

ME: Remember to bring home your cross country pictures! HER: They're not in my locker and guess what I'm getting moved down to B team ME: Why? We can talk later HER: Because I need more confidence I guess (crying face emoji) ME: I'm a bit surprised to hear that. You played well and it was the first game. Were others moved around? HER: Just me and Martina switched. ME: That's really disappointing. I'm sorry sweetheart. HER: Sad emoji x 2

That same night we were at the boys' 7th grade game watching our neighbor Teddy while she was finishing up theater. Once we were all done we rode home and I told her we'd talk then. We got to her room and she just started crying....I asked her what happened and apparently the coaches had her come to their office after practice that morning and told her they were moving her to B. They said she needed to work on her confidence and get more playing time. She said they told her and she started crying, and said they didn't do anything, just watched her. They gave her some lines about she'll get to play more, yadda yadda. I had a whole host of thoughts about this....how do you make that decision after just 1 game? I also realized that politics reared their ugly head. The girl they brought up from B is part of the 'preppy group' of girls that are all on A team. Also, one of the coaches daughters is on A team even though she's never played basketball before, as well as another 2 girls that have never played before but the head coach knows through volleyball and their sisters playing before them.

Let me be clear--My issue wasn't about what team she was on. My issue was about if you were trying to build her confidence, then WHY on earth would you put her on A team, just to put her down to B a week later after 1 game? If that's not a confidence crusher I don't know what is. Why did you not just put her on B to begin with?? In a 12 year old's mind, all they think about is what did I do wrong? I didn't realize that you could make a team, then un-make a team (in jr high). I've never seen that in all my years of playing sports. I asked her that night what she wanted to do....and she was just so upset. She was already thinking about the next day where she'd have to go in the gym w/ everyone knowing she got moved down, and was the only one. At first she said she didn't want to play anymore. I didn't argue w/ her about it...I let her have all of her emotions. It didn't help that this was also during the most stressful week right before the theater shows where she was having 12 hours days at school (before school BB practice, school, then theater until 7pm). I let her cry, I told her I truly didn't understand why they would do that, and to reassure her she does have good skills. I was left to pick up the pieces. I told her to perhaps just think about it before she made a final decision.

These are the times that you learn a lot about your kid and who they are. The tough times....the hard times...the disappointing times. What would they do??  So, right before bed I asked her, hey babe, what time do you want me to wake you in the morning.  She paused.....then said....regular time.  That meant she was going to practice the next day. Wow. Just wow. This kid just took a big punch to the self confidence, then decided very quickly to pick herself up, hold her head high, and go right back to practice the next day, even though she was hurt, embarrassed, and disappointed. Just wow. And she did! She got up the next day and I told her just how amazing she was and how PROUD I was of her. 

I still wanted to know from the coach exactly what happened so I did reach out to her the next day and asked to speak with her.  I played very nice with her....treaded very lightly because being "that" parent just wouldn't help the situation and could make it worse. I asked open-ended question like, I'm new to JR high sports, how are kids assigned to teams?, etc. etc.. It wasn't a very fruitful conversation...coach was a bit gruff, and didn't really give much more than saying yes, she thinks my girl needs to build her confidence, would play more on B, and have more time to learn the plays.  She said the teams weren't set yet and they could still make changes up until about the 3rd game. My girl said they told her this too and said they'd see how the change went, how both girls did (Let's be real, if she moved her down, she wasn't going to move her back up, again...so why give the false hope?) I did share that building confidence is key, and that moving teams was a hard one. She said they try to get the team assignment right at first, but sometimes have to make changes.  I heard her out and thanked her etc.. but in my mind I also was thinking perhaps they should care a bit more about the impact of making changes on self-confidence--that should be the priority. It's not like this is the wnba, it's 7th grade basketball. 

Now that my girl has practiced and played a few games w/ the B team, there is a silver lining....she is liking this team much better. More of her friends are on this team, it's a different coach, and she does get more playing time-and starts. In fact, the first game on B my girl scored 10 points!~ and caused the other team several turn overs. Take THAT coach A. Part of me was wondering if seeing how well she did would change their minds, but my girl said they've not said anything. That's probably for the best overall because the A coach is super intense and unfortunately very negative. I've seen her on the sidelines smacking her head when someone makes a mistake, yanking people out for making mistakes, etc....just her body language is terrible for being the head of junior high girls. She's the volleyball head coach and my girl said during the season she broke a clipboard. Really? So the fact that she's not the coach for my girl is good. My girl does not respond well to negative/intense coaching. Well, not sure what kid actually does. In fact, my girl said even if they asked her to move back, she wouldn't want to. The girl that they switched for my girl...she hasn't played really well at all and sits on the bench quite a bit. We've stayed to watch the A team games for the last few and I kinda feel bad for the kid and the girls that play for this coach. I'm hopeful that this whole experience doesn't impact her love/like of basketball going forward.

Been a lot to manage through for my girl. We just keep working through things as they come....another thing it's good I waited. Apparently there was this boy Felix who was talking to my girl a lot (they are in theater together), trying to get advice from her about this other girl. Well, when that "relationship" didn't work out he then asked my girl if she could be his girlfriend. Oh dear. My girl told me about it (I was surprised but thank goodness) and asked permission, if I would be ok w/ it? I was proud of her for caring enough to ask me....and I then tried to figure out what does that mean at this age? She said not much, just talking, hanging out at school. No dates, etc. I said sure, why not. She got so excited and couldn't believe I would say yes. ( I said yes hesitantly of course, because I want her to know I will support her, and I'm hoping that in turn would encourage her to continue more open communication). It's good that I waited because she really didn't talk much about it...like at all. So the other day I asked her....does she still have a boyfriend and she said no. I said what happened? She said nothing. I said well something must have happened and she said no, once they decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend they actually stopped talking.  Um, ok. I guess that's it then. 

Now that I feel like I've written a novel, I'll have to catch up next time on my son, me and all the stuff.

Hope everyone had a good holiday!

Gift

At the end of September my cousin called and said that her Dad (my mom's only sibling) had left early in the morning and no one knew where he was. My aunt woke up and he was gone, so was his truck. They finally tracked him down w/ police help and found him about an hour from home--disoriented, confused, and kept talking about the little guy in the backseat (which didn't exist)....my other cousin was able to go get him and she drove him straight to the hospital where they put him in ICU and diagnosed him with a brain bleed.  He had had a stroke a few years ago, however it was very mild and he recovered to pretty much normal. At his age, 79, they said that they don't prefer to do surgery, they like to see if the body can repair on its own. He stayed in ICU for several more days and he was starting to improve. So, they transferred him on October 4th to another unit where he started PT, OT, etc. He was up using a walker, but over the next few days things went downhill. He started talking less and less, not able to do the therapy, etc. so they did another scan and found out he had more brain bleeding.  He was put back in the ICU, and then on October 10th it was a final decision of surgery, or not....knowing what would come as a result if they chose not to.  He was conscious enough for them to ask him to squeeze their hand if he did or did not want, and he said no. The family all agreed (my aunt, and the 4 "kids" my cousins ranging from age 58-46 ish). The surgery may not have worked, he may not, and likely wouldn't have been the same afterwards, and he lived life on his own terms. No one wanted to change that. So, the hospital let them know since they were no longer actively treating him, he needed to move to palliative care and move either home or to a hospice facility. My aunt didn't think she could handle taking care of him, so they moved him to a hospice inpatient unit about 20 minutes from their home. They transferred him on Friday October 11th.  

As soon as my cousin said they were putting him in hospice care, I just had this strong gut emotion that I needed to be there. I just did. It was just such a, I HAVE to go....and RIGHT NOW, so I immediately called Amy on that Friday and asked if she could she get on a flight in a few hours to get here that night so I could fly out tomorrow/Saturday morning....I just felt that if I didn't get on the plane Saturday, I wouldn't make it in time to see him and talk w/ him. Thankfully she was able to do it, she flew in that night, and I was flying out by 9:30 AM Saturday.  I didn't tell any of my cousins/Aunt I was going for several reasons, but mainly a) I didn't want them to worry about anything else b) I didn't know how I was going to feel so wanted to be in a hotel. I talk to my one cousin all the time, even more now that she's divorced, but we haven't physically seen all of them since 2017--7 years! I couldn't believe it had been that long when I had to search through pictures to see. Growing up we would always go to this Aunt/Uncle's for Thanksgiving every year. My cousin is only a few weeks older than I am, so we've remained connected over the years. After my mom passed, it was just too hard for me to go, but after I had my girl I went when she was 3 months old in 2012, then I went again when the kids were 4 and 2--2016, then 5 and 3-in 2017. It was a LOT to travel as a single person with two small kids, and when we were there, my cousin I'm close with has 5 kids! so she was distracted with all of that. It was nice, but crazy. Since my son was so young he doesn't remember, but my girl remembers "grandpa" (that's what I called him to them) playing marbles with her. 

So, I got to the hospice location about 4:30pm on Saturday October 11th and to me he actually looked better than I thought he would. In fact, he looked just like my mom. He had lost a bit of weight over the last several weeks, so his cheeks were thinner. As soon as I went in I walked over and said Hey Uncle, it's me, your sister's daughter. They both looked very similar over the years, so when I saw him in the bed, it was uncanny how much alike they were. The family had all left around 3:30pm, and the only one there was my cousin's ex-husband. Of course he had been part of the family for over 20 years, so he asked my cousin if he could go and see my Uncle. I, for a second, thought: oh, would this be awkward?, but it turned out to be a really nice conversation. I didn't know him well over the years so we just weren't that close. But the elephant was the divorce last September, my cousin dating her coworker before they were divorced, and said coworker now lives with my cousin. He's very brokenhearted and it showed.  We talked a bit about how he was doing, life after divorce, managing the kids, work, etc.. I talked to him more that day more than I had in 20 years. And it just felt nice.  He had said his goodbyes already, so left me alone w/ my Uncle.

I know from all the reading that hearing is one of the last things to go, so I sat down next to him and told him I was glad to be there to visit him. My mom would be there too if she could have. There was such a sense of peace about sitting with him, letting him know I/My mom love him. I did touch his hand here and there, but like I said, he wasn't a big emotional person. I wanted to see if he would respond at all...and he did not. That was ok. I was just feeling such a calmness about being there, and such a relief I made it. It just felt right....I was there when my mom passed, and maybe I was meant to be there with him too. Maybe that's why I felt so strongly about going.

My Uncle was a very boisterous, life of the party kind of guy. He was a big guy, very funny, jokester-type. He also was a bit of drinker, always had some whiskey and/or beer whenever I saw him, but over the last several years he cut down, I understand.  He was reserved with hugs, but a small one was always given. He knew how much it was to take care of my mom when she was sick by myself, so that really connected us.  My mom and he were close, as much as a brother and sister usually are, talked on the phone regularly, saw each other at Thanksgiving and usually in the summers up North where my Uncle had a cabin that my mom/he grew up at in the summer, and ironically my Dad's mom had one about an hour from there too. So over the summer we'd go visit them at their lake, or they would come to our lake. Mostly it was us going to them over the years. I can only remember a few times my Uncle and my cousins coming to our house i.e. for high school graduations.

I did send a text letting them know I was there, and of course they all were like, what?! My cousin asked if I wanted to go over there-- see her new house, meet the boyfriend, and eat dinner w/ them so after sitting for a few hours, I headed over there. Not used to driving in complete black, two lane highways w/ deer and possums. It's been awhile. When I saw her it was almost like no time had passed....we started up where we left off. After we caught up I headed back to the hotel, but stopped again at the hospice house to sit w/ my Uncle. I was worried about him passing and no one being there, so I stayed until around 11:30pm, then headed to hotel. Earlier we had agreed that I would head to the hospice house again around 10:30am on Sunday.

When I arrived the next morning my Aunt, cousin I'm close with, her boyfriend, my other cousin, and my other cousin's son were there. It was an eclectic group in a way. There's drama around the new boyfriend with my other cousin, her sister, so I was surprised to see him there.  But, when I walked in, it just felt like family. No awkwardness, even though I hadn't seen them for so long. Unfortunately, my Uncle's breathing was much worse. I had brought two pamphlets I had gotten when my mom passed and shared them w/ the group i.e. what to expect, and one on grief. Sadly, he was showing a lot of the symptoms there wasn't much time.  We were all sitting around the room, just watching, long stretches of quiet, then telling stories, catching up, sharing pictures. Then the nurses came in and said they should angle him the other direction to help somewhat w/ breathing. We all went out in the hall and when the nurse came back out she said it's time. He had started having apnea episodes. We all went back in, I just sat at the foot of the bed on the right, my cousin's son at the foot of the bed on the left, my cousin and her sister were at the head of the bed, my aunt by his side (they have been married over 50 years), and my cousin's boyfriend on the sofa near the wall. It took about an hour more of labored breathing on and off, (which was so hard for my Aunt who kept telling him it's ok to go, and shrinking more when he'd start breathing again....and my cousin joking that he still wasn't listening to her)  then eventually he stopped breathing, and passed.

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel during and after being there, but all I can say was it was peaceful. I kept watching afterwards, like almost expecting to see his soul rise, or something. I don't know. But, I do know it felt right being there...it felt fitting....and I did ask my aunt before we all headed back in the room if it was ok I was there....she said of course. It's almost like I was bringing a piece of my mom to him, and that was comforting. He passed a little after 1pm, and I was scheduled to leave for my flight around the same time. I told them I guess he wanted to make sure I caught my flight home.

As I was at the airport when my cousin texted this and said, "My Dad and your mom are together again"

I don't know what I believe when it comes to spirits/souls, etc. but I will say that when I flew into town it was storming so bad they shut the airport down, and when I was driving to my uncle's hospice location it was hailing on me. They told me it hardly ever storms like that. My mom passed during a hurricane. Also, her birthday is on the 13th, she passed on the 13th, and my Uncle passed on the 13th. Also, my instinct was right, if I had flown out the next day, on Sunday, I would have missed being there. Something told me to get on that plane and be there. I felt like it was a gift and full circle to be there w/ my mom and uncle during their passing.

I didn't expect I was going to write this whole story out, but when I started writing, it kind of just flowed. I had planned to talk about the following-this was my list when I first drafted:

My girl: theater, basketball tryouts, boyfriend, baking

Me: My Uncle, stalled remodel, crazy schedule

My son: 2nd round of strep, early sept and now Monday this week. get virus on top of that, congestion, etc. Intuition--wheel 100k, wheel 1 mil, football game win by interception. me, sister Dave

Looks like I'll have to pick those topics up next time.

First 6 weeks

I can hardly believe it is the last day of September! I didn't realize it, but I just made the cut off for a September post. Sheesh.

School for 7th and 4th grade started over 6 weeks ago now and it started off quite well! My girl was familiar w/ her school and the new middle school scheduling. My son seemed happy to head back to school and we quickly got into our rhythm. We'd wake around 7:00, my son's school starts first so he gets ready--mostly on his own. I don't have to nag much, just more reminders about brushing teeth. He's a big eater in the morning so I know he'll find himself something to eat, cereal, peanut butter toast, etc.. We leave for the bus at 7:35 AM (School starts at 8:10AM). It's kind of ridiculous, but I don't care that I drive him to the bus stop. I don't like the heat, bugs, and humidity....so we wait for the bus in the air conditioned car. So much better. Once he's off on the bus I'll head back home. My girl usually wakes up before we leave for the bus so I'll come back and find her laying on the sofa watching cartoons. She'll relax until 8-ish, then get herself ready. My only job is to make sure she's eaten something (not a morning eater), brushed her teeth, and fill her water bottle/snack if she wants one. Then, she was taking the bus in the morning too....her bus is supposed to come at 8:29AM, but it's consistently late. She no longer wants mom to go to the bus stop w her....apparently there is a bunch of kids there. So, I have her wear the apple watch and she leaves the house about 8:20AM. Once she's on the bus she scans her badge and I get a notice. Then it's just me.

For the first week I used that time to just decompress after the whirlwind summer. I started to think through what projects I want to do, and really how I want to spend my time. Do I want to go back to work? Do I want to finally do whatever renovation I had in mind?

So.............after the new windows got installed week of August 12th, I realized that paying a large sum of money wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. Once I wrote the checks and credit card swipes, the money left my account, and that was that. I didn't regret it. I didn't stew over it. My mom ALWAYS said growing up you can't take your money with you when you go. She was a very generous person, always donating to church, to the people ringing the bells at christmas time outside of stores, she always chose a child's name from a tree to donate a gift, etc.. She was much more generous than I am. It's the truth. I have always saved and saved, and I am quite frugal--because to me, money = freedom. It gives me choices, which gives me a lot of peace. And that's why I'm in the excellent financial situation I am in. I worked in corporate america for almost 20 years, I maxed out saving to my 401k from the get go every company I was with. I did several corporate relocations which are lucrative, I also had a side hustle (which at the time didn't realize that was the term) of real estate rentals and investment properties. I'm really proud of myself and always said my goal was to have enough to stop working when my son was going to kinder to be a stay at home mom if I wanted to. Goal accomplished. I'm really proud. 

I've digressed here.

Anyway, all that to say it's hard for me to spend money. Small amounts, no problem, but large amounts brings me a lot of anxiety. So, after doing the windows and realizing it wasn't that bad........

I can't believe it but after two years of thinking and planning, I'm actually going to do the kitchen renovation! I stressed and hemmed and hawed and finally signed the contract early September.

You might think demo has already started but here's where I've surprised even myself.  After talking w/ contractor and designer, I mentioned that I've always wanted more space i.e. turn the attic into a bonus room. In this phase of our lives, I feel like we just need more space. And, I don't want to move....I've come to that conclusion because I looked again a few months ago at real estate in Wisconsin where our extended family lives and got excited, thought about the possibilities of getting out of this heat, and then researched schooling. That's where it kind of crashed and burned. It's not the academics itself, it's the complete lack of diversity. And I mean complete. I looked through all the pictures at the middle and high school current staff. Maybe all but 2 appeared Caucasian. I have a huge problem with this. I love how much of a melting pot we live in. My son's best friend Aarav is Indian, Ata is Turkish, James is Japanese, my girl's good friend Selina is Asian/Brazilian. There's such a benefit, almost indescribable, to me about living in a place where you are surrounded by differences. There's learning in that, in and of itself. It's hard for me to imagine living somewhere that is 90+% white. It bothered me to my core.

So, I put thinking about moving on the backshelf....again.

Having said that, if we are going to stay in this house.....then I just want to make it functional for this stage of our lives. So, after discussions w/ contractor/designer....if I'm going to do a bonus room, it doesn't make sense to finish a complete kitchen/flooring/painting reno, then disturb everything we just did to make a bonus room. I agree. The current thinking after last week is to do it all at the same time. The architect and designer are discussing a new drawing/plan to include the bonus room, so the contractor can then get me a cost estimate.  It will be outrageously expensive, I think. But man would I love to be able to let the kids go upstairs when their friends come over (which is all the time), have more storage, etc, etc..

I went from doing nothing for a few years, to now wanting to do everything. I'm excited, actually...from a real estate perspective you can't go wrong (usually) w/ adding square footage......and then sometimes think what the heck am I doing. I'll wait to see the numbers about the bonus room and go from there.  I've already signed the contract to do the kitchen, etc. so I know I will at least do that part. Once we decide on bonus room, then everything will get started.

Our nice school schedule was going well for the first week and then.....the head PE coach at the middle school had a group of 7th grade girls together and "encouraged" them if they were going to try out for basketball, then they really should sign up for cross country now. WHAT? My daughter texted me from school that day, with the coach standing there, asking if she could sign up. What was I going to say? I asked if she really wanted to, and she said yes. So, I said yes. She talked about maybe doing it before school started, then decided no. Well, when you have an adult saying you should do it, pressuring you into it....the coach was there telling kids what to text their parents....of course she'd bend to the coach. Really disappointed in how the coach handled it. So, we started cross country's 7 week season on August 19th.

It was a shock to all of our systems....getting up at 6AM Monday-Friday leaving at 6:30AM. Traveling to the school, practice starting at 7AM, then her going to school after that-School starts at 8:55 for her, and not getting home from the bus until almost 5PM. My girl's friend Selina was in that group also and her mom texted me if we could carpool, YES! So I end up driving the girls Mon/Tue, she drives Thurs/Fri and we trade wednesdays. The first meet was on Sept 5th at 5:30 pm, thankfully they do not have practice on the days of meets. The meets are once a week for 5 weeks at different schools and are all designed for the kids to run in grades/genders...7th grade girls go first, then 7th boys, etc..and are a mile and a half long. We were SO lucky the first meet it rained because....well, we live in the south. It is SO unbearably hot still. The next meet the feels like temp was in 90's-100's. By the third meet it was in the 100's, and after running my girl just about collapsed afterwards....we can leave as soon as her group is done, but riding home she took a half an hour to calm down, restore her breathing, and cool off. Once we got home she just laid out on the floor under the ceiling fan for another half an hour. It was brutal. She decided not to run the 4th meet last week due to such high temps, but it's not like she just came home, she just went to theater rehearsal instead (theater has started up or her too and a few days every week she gets up at 6, practices, school, then theater 4-6, I pick her up and home at 6:30. And theater on Saturdays from 10-4 or 10-1 also.) That's more than a 12 hour day for a 12 year old--It's just too much.

I can't be more proud of her, though, because she's stuck with it. She's exhausted but has kept pushing and didn't quit. I wouldn't have been upset if she did. But, this week is the last week for practices (today/tomorrow, then districts 5th meet on Wednesday). That will finish out the season.  How did she do? With her long legs, I thought running would be a breeze for her, but it's not. It's hard....distance running is tough. She was so upset after the first meet with her time because she was one of the last to finish from our school of 7th grade girls. But, the next meet her time improved a ton and she was thrilled, and then the third meet it was brutally hot and she had to walk some during, which slowed her down. It's been challenging for her. She's hard on herself about how she performs but I have to keep reminding her, this is her FIRST time doing the sport, her FIRST time ever running distance.....she's competing against kids where this is what they do. I've done my best to pump her up this season because she didn't give up, she's worked incredibly hard....and I'm amazed at her resilience. Yes girl. I tell her I'm proud all the time to make sure she hears it. She's really gotten fit w/ building muscle, etc. which means I've been doing lots of muscle massage. Since an early age she's liked muscle massage, I used to do it to help calm her a lot....She'd have me do her legs/calves and shoulders every night if I would.

I was initially worried about how all of the extra curricular activities would affect her academics. It started off a bit rough in math as they are now doing algebra. She came home just devastated about her first math test and failing it. I'm thankful that her friend Parker's mom is a math whiz and offered to tutor her a bit. Well, something 'clicked' after that first session and she's done so much better....for the first 6 weeks she got all A's, even in Math.  This kid has really shined. I keep using the word resilient. It's a heavy load for such a young kid and she's managed. And thrived.  Just YES! And she's physically growing as well....she's getting close to 5'5" already....and just beautiful.

All that to say, I've done a ton of driving around since school started. My son also started soccer with practices on Tuesdays and Fridays, and games on Saturdays. Thankfully there are 2 other boys on the team we carpool with so that is helpful. He then decided he needed to work on his endurance/stamina for running, so joined the school's running club which is Thursdays AM at 7:30.

So, I'm either running TO or FROM somewhere....taking/dropping off/picking up/going in circles. My calendar is full with all of their activities, not to mention my girl likes going to church w/ Parker, the sleep overs, the play dates. This is full time mom stuff!

My son's 4th soccer game this past Saturday was extra special. I mentioned in the past that we've loved his coaches Aaron and Michael. They've been his soccer coaches for 4-5 seasons 2-3 years, and they are just solid men. Patient, positive, encouraging, smart. We got so lucky. Anyway, their two boys have now moved to club, but Aaron/Michael reached out about when my son's games are so they can come watch. Sure enough, Aaron, his wife, and son that now plays club came this past Saturday to watch the boys....there are 4 of them on my son's current team that used to play together for Aaron/Michael. Our team won the game and my son even scored a goal. It was just awesome to see that after the game when my son came over to the audience and finally saw coach Aaron---he got this massive smile on his face and went and hugged him. OMG that was just so cool.

Something else I remembered that I don't think I wrote about is how much emotion my son can have. When my kiddos went to Amy's this summer we planned for about max 2 weeks. I had a feeling 14 days would be too long and I think it ended up being about 10 days.  We usually each drive and meet in the middle about 3 hours and then the kids switch cars/stuff. This time when we were driving to pick each other up I really became emotional. I missed them and my heart just was sad......I got to the pick up location first and was just waiting for them. When I saw Amy's car come over the hill I just bursted with emotion and started crying. I'm waving frantically at them when I see them and couldn't wait to get out of the car.

Once they pulled up, it was like in a movie.......I jumped out of the car and as soon as my son stopped he got out of the car and we both had tears streaming down our faces.....running towards each other.....arms stretched out.....and finally embraced in the deepest hug possible. Later on he said "Mom, as soon as I saw your car I just started crying and couldn't stop"......I literally have tears now remembering it.  It was so special, so touching, so soul-filling.....I just love them so much. We both were embraced saying how much we missed each other.  I'll never forget it.

It took a pretty funny turn as well because.....as my son and I were bawling/hugging....my daughter walks up straight-faced and says, "uhhhh, am I supposed to be crying too?"

LOL. 

Along with the intense happy emotions, he also has intense irritable/temper emotions. Lately it's been a struggle when he gets tired, sick, irritable, he lashes out by shouting a lot at me or his sister. This is obviously not ok, but I've been at a loss as to how to manage.  He learned that from me, unfortunately. I can stay calm for quite awhile, but when I'm pushed past, I do yell. Now, to be fair it takes a lot for me to get there..... and he's getting there almost every night, and it's really been a lot lately. I've had several conversations with him to say it's okay to have emotions and be angry, it's not ok to yell at someone. I for sure don't want his sister being yelled at nightly. I tell him she does not deserve that. On the flip side, I've had to talk w/ her about recognizing when he's at the edge to not provoke him. She'll see it and still do one more thing, say one more comment and he just explodes. It happening almost nightly lately.  I've researched what to do about kids with tempers, shouting, etc and some of the advice is terrible....tell them to go do cartwheels, or draw. Ummm, when I'm angry that's the last thing I want to do. So, I try the--hey, take some time by yourself, breathe, etc..and come back when you are ready. I have to be firm that emotions are ok....yelling is not. And work on modeling that myself. Maybe it's just a phase he's in...he's about to be 10. He has to somehow get those emotions out, but in a more constructive way. Sigh.

So, lots going on...my kids are busy which means I am busy....I am about to embark on a remodel of some scope...big, or bigger, we shall see.

I turned around in the shower the other day and saw this.  Even when my kids aren't here, they are still with me. My son had taken a shower earlier that morning. HA

And just like that....

And just like that…..The kids started school today!  I now have a 7^th grader and a 4^th grader.  There was such a flurry of activity over the last few weeks that even though I knew it was coming, it snuck up on me in a hurry.  We’ve been so busy with endless Dr. appts, ortho appts, allergy shot appts, a birthday, windows started to get installed on Monday, and my daughter’s last year teacher Mrs. Jackson (her absolute favorite teacher-English) asked if she could help for 2 days-2 hour windows, meet the elementary teacher Monday night. I’ve been driving around like a maniac.

 So last night it was like omg, let’s get outfits ready, let’s get the tag on the backpack for my son—my daughter has had hers packed for a few weeks now. We were smart this year and did school supply shopping about a month ago, so no last minute crazy. They were super silly before bed last night.

 I, myself, was much less anxious starting this school year compared to last year. Mostly because the big change happened last year when my girl moved up to the middle school for 6^th so it was an all new building/location/teachers/schedule, etc.. I was very nervous for her, as was she. However, I am most impressed and happy with how her school year went. She maintained mostly A’s, and B’s in Math, had a social life, got involved in theater and found a new passion….she just blossomed.  The kid I have now is definitely a different version than the one I sent off in 6^th grade. Even comparing last year’s school photo to this one, both of them stretched again. We just had my girl’s 12 year well visit and she is already 5’4” and weighs about 106lbs. She’s got legs for days and is very lean. However, with the growth mentally, there are new things we are discussing like body image (she asks mom, am I fat?, does my hair look okay?). I’m very sensitive to how she views herself and self-image.  It’s of course natural for her to start to look around, notice others, compare herself, etc.. but I want to be sure we talk about distorted thinking i..e she isn’t even close to fat.  I’ve said listen, what you are going through is normal….it’s normal to look at others and then see yourself and question. Everyone has those thoughts like am I good enough? Someone will always be smarter, faster, better nose, etc.. but it’s about how you feel about yourself that is important.  This is an area we definitely need to keep talking.  I think back and I never had these types of conversations w/ my mom.  She was a care-taker, and an amazing one at that….but we just didn’t discuss puberty, boys, self-image, etc. and I feel like it’s important to open that discussion up. Let her share her worries/fears so she’s at least talking about them versus internalizing.  Funny enough, we went to go see the new movie inside out two for her birthday. She took 3 of her friends and we did dinner and a movie.  It was just the perfect theme for where they are in their adolescence and after the movie she says, welcome to my brain.  She definitely has struggled with anxieties in the past and this summer was pretty good….but with the upcoming school year and real stressers starting, we noticed she wasn’t feeling as good as she could. We’ve been working w/ her doctor and also he recommended therapy, which we are going to start. The two of us have had our struggles with our personalities being very different—me sports-minded, her creative. But the older she’s getting we are communicating better…and she’s still not too big to crawl in my lap in the recliner and we just connect. That touch is so important—for both of us. She’s pretty witty/funny without trying. I’ll laugh at something she said and she’s like, how is that funny? For example this morning I drove her to school and this year they have police directing traffic vs. a teacher. We slowly pulled up to the entrance….she looked and saw pretty heavy-set guy and says, “wow, lay off the donuts”.  Now I’m not a fan of making fun of someone’s weight (including mine), but she somehow knew the concept of police and donuts.  Made me giggle. I am very optimistic about this school year. I think the biggest challenge will be the continued growth of self-image and self-esteem. Academically and socially I’m not super worried.

 That leads me to my son. Hooo-boy.  He’s had his ups and downs this summer. He’s spent the last few weeks constantly provoking his sister (to be fair, she did a lot as well)…and for whatever reason, for him it’s a constant battle over stuff like when they were toddlers. If she has it, he wants it. This silly grey yoga ball has become a “hey, it’s MY turn”….”No, you already had it”….I’m about to pop it and throw it away. Not sure if that’s just where he is developmentally, but it hasn’t been easy.  He’s also still struggled w/ his irritability. He doesn’t have the most patience, and he’s certainly quick to let you know if he doesn’t like something.  I am starting to get the sneaky suspicion he is starting to have anxieties like I did when I was a kid…..at night he worries about something bad happening to me, etc. , and during the day he tends to follow me around the house.  I was just like that as a kid. I used to cry at night thinking something would happen to my mom and get up, go check on her to make sure she was ok. That started really young. He’s starting that same pattern where he comes out sometimes several times a night, finds me, then either sleeps next to me in my bed, or goes to the bathroom and I send him back to his. That worries me because I’m thinking that his irritability is just how his anxiety comes out.  Mental health is such a hard issue to deal with in adults, let alone kids. I wish I could wipe it away for both of them……I wish it was something easier to “fix”….just something I could fix.  For now, I’m just watching and waiting to see how he does. I do think therapy might be good for him, so I’m going to see how the therapist for my daughter is, and perhaps start him as well depending.

That’s not to say all is hard/bad…..he had a ton of fun this summer with all his camps, and I did end up scheduling him for an additional week long soccer camp in August which went over mostly great. He’s so much happier when he’s active and busy….he’s all boy, and I’ve said that from the get-go. Likes to be busy, struggles to entertain himself—wants a playmate at all times, loves sports, loves competition. We probably played hundreds of card games over the summer, as well as banana grams. When we were bored we’d head into my bedroom on the king size bed and all of us play cards together—crazy 8, war, slap jack, old maid, etc..just good wholesome fun. I think we all enjoyed that. I was surprised when we were getting closer to school starting that he seemed excited. When we went to meet the teacher he actually wasn’t irritable and genuinely smiled and talked to some of his friends. That was nice to see.

When both kids woke up this morning they were in good moods to start the year. That’s one thing I’m super thankful for….my kids do a great job of getting themselves up and ready for school. I don’t have to nag, etc. but I still have to remind: brush teeth, etc.. My son is the early bird and his normal wake up time is 6:30-7:00am so getting up this morning was not hard at all.

 As for me? I’m going to decompress these next few weeks, then decide what’s next for me……I do think my brain is ready for something. The windows are currently being installed and should be done next day or two….then I’ve got a guy coming to help choose new trim paint and front door.  I still stay busy w/ my projects, helping my sister w/ her work—she just had an abdominal surgery and is off for now. That’s been a challenge because I’m here and can’t do much for her. The surgery was right during our birthday/back to school preparation and while I technically could have made it there, she wanted me to, I wasn’t in the best place myself when we discussed me going….so for the first time I chose not to be there for her. It was hard, but I’m glad I prioritized me. She just doesn’t have much support or a large friend group, so my brother helped her and I’ve called her 1-2 times a day for last few weeks……wait a minute, I said I was going to talk about me, and there I go discussing my sister and what she’s going through.

I think I’m still a work in progress when it comes to focusing on myself. It’s so much easier to see what others are doing, help them, versus get my sh*& together. I’m not sure what that looks like for me. I think it would be helpful to spend my new alone time since kids back in school thinking about that!

I love A/C

Over the last several weeks things have been crazy. We had a hurricane pass through and it was rough. Thankfully no damage, just a lot of debris. We lost power on Monday morning around 7:30 AM. It was out for millions of people--I was one of the lucky ones where it came back on on Tuesday around 3:30pm. Even today some are still out. I will tell you the time from no power to when it came back on--misery.

We are in the south. It's hot. Heat advisory hot. It's not feasible to be without power and air conditioning.  After I lost power on early Monday morning I checked in with my neighbor who has a generator and they let me put all of my refrigerator items in their spare fridge. It's the first hurricane season where they've had the generator, so for some reason I didn't feel comfortable asking if I could stay over there. And they didn't offer.  So, I drove around in my car trying to decide what to do and also just to stay cool. I happened to find a little cafe open so I could eat an omelet and charge my phone--my car charger decided right now was the time to quit working. Then throughout the day just kept going in/out of my house hoping we'd get power. At around 9:30 pm I found myself parked in front of lo.we's just sitting. I called as many hotels as I could bring up on my map and not a single one answered, so I gave up. Ended up driving home and sleeping at the house on the couch. It's eerily quiet when not a single thing is on. Of course it was just so hot so I found a squirt bottle and just laid on the sofa willing myself to sleep after squirting myself every 10 minutes or so. The silver living in this is the kids have been with Amy since July 2nd where we drove 1/2 way so they could vacation with her.  They've been so busy with waterparks, swimming, bowling, etc. and I couldn't have been more thankful they were well taken care of and I just had to worry about myself.

I've had a lot of thoughts over the last several days and I'm just going to summarize here. Some about storms, some about parenting.

--I have never been so thankful for power as when it came back on late Tuesday afternoon. For air conditioning and fans. And at night just being able to turn on a light.  It's a stark reminder how much we take for granted in America that we have power, we are cool, we have food to eat, tv to watch, and internet to use. We have an older lady Mary in our circle who lives by herself and her daughter lives around the corner....the daughter/family was out of town so on Tuesday when I found a place that was open for salads I called Mary and brought her one. I was at her house fanning myself with a paper plate when we heard the beep of her oven coming on and both of us shouted out loud. Then the sweet sweet feeling of cool air coming from the vents again.

--I'm thankful for sunlight. In the morning when I could finally see in my house without turning on my cell phone flashlight I was grateful.

--I spend a lot of time watching tv and reading articles on the internet. Without the ability to do so, I felt itchy like--what do I do? My brain kept wanting to occupy itself, but I had nothing. I suppose I could have pulled out a book, or organize bins, etc. but without power? Uh, no. I just wanted to watch TV and track the storm and aftermath. I was just reflecting on the fact that I occupy more of my time than I realized on mindless tv/internet. Not sure I like that...but also not sure what I'm going to change about it.

--Storms are so stressful. When they are happening you just sit and watch. Hope and pray you don't have severe damage. No tornados come, no flooding comes. We've had our fair share of storms over the years and some really bad ones. I'm kinda over it. Going through storms with small children by yourself is even harder. When the power came back on it was this huge release, like a huge exhale...and I could finally relax. I didn't realize how much I kind of 'hold my breath' in a way until everything passes and things go back to normal.

--I feel so happy when things are clean. On Tuesday when the power came back on I spent 2 hours dismantling and scrubbing down every part of the refrigerator. I'm not sure I had ever taken every bin/shelf, storage drawer out since I've had it for 9 years. It was a ton of work. But every time I open the refrigerator now I feel calm and good. It's amazing how having something clean and organized can just make you feel better.

--I had no idea how much mental energy I spend parenting every day.  I'm consumed all day with--what time is it, what are we having for lunch/dinner, did you brush your teeth, stop arguing w/ your sister, go find something to do, do you want to play a game? Time to take a bath....it's not until I had the absence of it that I realized holy moly, I use most of my brain power during the day keeping the kids and the household going.  

--With just taking care of myself these last 10 days--it is so easy. It is so simple. I don't have to cook if I don't want to. No one wakes me up during the night. I can have the TV turned up as loud as I want because no one will wake up. It definitely is much less stressful. Being a parent really IS stressful and a LOT of work. No surprise there, but you don't realize how much you do until you aren't doing it. That doesn't take away from the fact that I wouldn't trade it for nothin....I miss having them here. Dearly. I only cried once, so that's good. But I think it's important to acknowledge yes, it is hard. It is very hard at times.

--My kids are messy. With just me in the house I realize how much I pick up on a daily basis. Dishes and laundry galore.

--I enjoy hanging out with my kids. I love their energy, I like living with them. I like our conversations, I like hugging every day. I like our jokes and laughing together. I think I've built a good family unit where being kind, positive, and supportive are priorities to me. I also sing a lot when they are here. They will say a word and my brain will automatically recall a song w /that word and I belt it out. I get so many eye rolls (I'm really not a good singer), but it's fun for me. I didn't realize how much I do it on a daily basis. No wonder they roll their eyes.

To end this post, yes I do love my A/C.  I'm about to love my new windows that should be coming in a few weeks. I haven't decided on the remodel...I can't wrap my mind around the cost yet. So, maybe I'll just paint for now and think about it for later. Not sure on that one.  One thing at a time!

Summer is going to end before I know it.  Kids go back to school August 14th and my daughter has a lot going on before then....she still has her strength and conditioning camp at the highschool from 12-2 Mon-Thurs until August 1st. Then her junior high starts its own conditioning camp. Then she has Dr. appoints/ortho visit/class schedule pick up, etc.. Pretty soon it's all going to start. I'm not sure what my son is going to do for the next few weeks...I may end up finding a soccer camp for him or something as he really needs structured activity.

I'm picking them up tomorrow and they are both ready to come home. I've talked to them every day at least twice a day....so after 10 days, time to come home. We are all ready for that, and to finish the out the summer strong!

YAY!!

After a year and a half of looking and researching and getting bids....I FINALLY ordered new windows for the house! We live in a one story, 2400 sq ft 4 bedroom house (with no usable attic and no basement). There are about 27 windows--which is also crazy, and why our house is so not energy efficient. It's a classic brick ranch style and was built in early 90's. It has the old school, builder-grade, single pane aluminum windows and we've just been living with them since 2015. In the summer you can just feel the heat come through, and in the winter the cold. It's almost like having no windows. Well, in the back kitchen there is not a full window because it's still broken in two places from soccer balls. I just put up cardboard and duck tape until I could decide what to do. I did put on solar screens several years ago, but it truly does not make much of a difference. I am always hot in the house during the summer and because we have no energy efficiency, we can't keep the AC lower than 74 or it will run all the time. Can't tell you the number of times my kids have found me laid out on the living room floor with the fan on 3 dots power to cool me down. Another fact--my son and I took a thermometer into my bedroom--with a wall of 5 windows and the furthest away from the AC unit.  It registered over 80 degrees when the sun was setting. And that's with the thermostat at 74.

So, it was time.  I was just tired of being hot all the time...since living in the south, that's just how it is most of the year with the summer being unbearable. Total bill with installation is 27 thousand dollars.  Yes, it hurts to even type that out. The bids came back from the cheapest type windows at 20 thousand, to some triple pane premium windows at 34 thousand.  I ended up right in the middle. Down payment made and they should come in about a month.

Part of why it took me so long is a) I really struggle making decisions and b) it involved a lot of money. The more money something costs, the harder of a decision it is for me.  Also, I've been in real estate long enough to know that there is no return on investment w/ windows i.e.  I could list the house for sale today at the same price with or without new windows. So, it became a decision of--are we going to stay in this house longer term?? I've struggled with that question on and off since coming to live here in 2015--hard to believe it's been 9 years now. My son learned to walk in this house and my daughter was just 2 when we moved in. This is the home they will first remember. 

If I'm honest, it wasn't what I pictured for me raising kids--the suburbs of a major city. There is a lot of traffic, the interstates are16 lanes in some places, etc..and I guess I thought I would raise them similar to how I grew up--small-er town, a bit more of a community where most people know each other. Over the years I've looked at real estate back in the midwest both in my home state, and where my cousins/aunt/uncle live....and it never really felt "right". I would get itchy about moving, then it sort of waned w/ all that's happened over the last 9 years--hurricanes, covid, school, etc.. We live in a cul de sac where we do all know each other and over time it's become welcoming. In addition to that, and maybe most importantly, my kids are happy. They have friends in school, we live where they can walk or bike to friends' houses. I'm in no rush to disrupt that at all. I don't have a big enough reason to--even the heat and wanting more space isn't really enough.

So, the longer we stay put, the longer this is just home for us. Although none of us like the extreme heat, we've settled into life here pretty well. All that to say, I decided there is no big push for us to move anywhere else, which means its time to invest in making things more comfortable while we live here. That's also the reason why I've considered the kitchen renovation project. We currently have a huge fireplace separating the kitchen from living. We never use it--it makes the kitchen tight/very hard to maneuver when there is more that one person in there. Over the last year I've gotten structural plans/talked to several contractors....and am now at a point where I need to either do it, or not. It's a big project and of course, very pricey. The pros are that we would be able to build a massive island and actually use it--plus have more space in the kitchen. The walls also need repainting because while I did a lot of cosmetic work before moving in 9 years ago, tastes have changed and I realized back then I liked the 90's more than I thought--me and my spice orange kitchen and beige/gold walls. I also need to refurnish the house because our current set up is falling apart. Literally stuffing coming out of the sofa. But, it makes no sense to replace all the furniture if we are repainting/renovating. I'm almost there....and I've decided since I'm staying at home now, there is no better time. My thoughts keep revolving around doing the house projects while I can, then think about going back to corporate america or something else after all of it is done. Way too much to do when trying to work also so it truly is the best time to do it. Time will tell if I can get over the hump and just do it.

Until then, I'll be a full time taxi driver for my kids going to camps. They finished up the outdoor learning center camp--it was only 1.5 hours for each of them but of course one's was at 9:30-11:00 (it filled up before I could register my second one), so my son went at 11:00-12:30. Then last week on top of that my daughter started a strength and conditioning camp at the highschool from 12-2 just for jr high kids who are going to play sports in the fall. She's oh so sore, but is really liking it.  This week she can't go due to the stem camp from 8-3. Today was the first day, so I do hope she liked it. I'm about to pick her up, and it's 20 minutes from here. That 6:50am alarm came awfully early this morning. She wanted to be up early so she could take her time getting ready. sigh. My son started vacation bible school from 9-12 all this week...he was able to get in the same class as James, so I was glad about that. We will share pick up duties, which helps both of us.

So far it's been a good summer....they both liked the the first outdoor learning camp that was two weeks, today is the first day of the next camps, and next week basketball camp. Of course not at the same time my son 8:30-11:00 and my girl from 1-4 Mon-Wed. I'd much rather we all stay busy because idle team means much more arguing. Not interested in that!